Paulicus Maximus

I've Moved...

2007-08-17T19:04:00.000-07:00

I know, I should have told you earlier. It was irresponsible of me to wait this long. I should know better, and in fact I do. Accept my deepest apologies and know that I never meant to slight you. As it turns out I've streamlined down to a single source for my blogging fancies and that's at MySpace. Yes, hard as it is to believe, I am an avid MySpacer. "When in Rome do as the Romans do," they say and the Romans I currently run with live on MySpace. So that's where you'll find me. As for the exact address, www.myspace.com/paulicus is where you'll find me. You can read the blog, view the pictures, and all that jazz.

See ya there!

Is It In Us?

2007-06-20T23:54:00.001-07:00

The USA Today had a detailed story about the condition of health care in the state of Texas, highlighting issues affecting the entire nation as well. They picked Texas, not because it is alone in the quagmire that is the health care industry, but because it's the worst. By worst I mean that it has the highest percentage of uninsured residents in the country. My fair state of Oklahoma doesn't fair much better, coming in at 47th. Overall there are 45 million Americans with no health insurance. No health insurance usually means no hope when it comes to getting respectable, even quasi-quality health care.

The impetus for this story is likely the anticipation of the new documentary by Michael Moore, called Sicko. The movie is an in-depth look at the fatal flaws that currently exist in our country's health care industry. It painfully chronicles the stories of those who's quality of life has been diminished or even ended not because of a lack of ability on the part of doctors to do something, but because of a lack of access by the patient to get the assistance those doctors can provide.

The summation of the story is that insurance rates continue to rise at an alarming pace. Even with the rate increase, the level of insurance is not maintained as co-pays and deductibles rise as well. Feeling the pressure, employers are reducing the level of insurance they provide to employees and their families. So added to the uninsured is a large group of people in this country who are under-insured or who find their insurance pointless as they are denied treatment. Meanwhile, insurance companies continue to reduce the amounts they pay to doctors and hospitals, such that these places are forced to reduce or quit offering services that don't make a profit, services such as the emergency room.

At the same time all this is going on, insurance companies continue to see record profits. And their using those profits to strong-arm the government into ignoring this devastating problem. (A quote from the Sicko trailer reveals that there are four health care industry lobbyists for every member of Congress).

I'll give you just two statistics that should shake us to the core and wake us up to the awful state of health care in our country:

The United States has the LOWEST life expectancy among all industrialized nations in the world.
The United States has the HIGHEST infant mortality rate among all industrialized nations in the world.

Chew on that for awhile. We've got more wealth and better doctors than any other industrialized nation in the world and yet we fail in two of the most critical categories that exist.

My fervent prayer (yes I did use that term seriously) is that this film and the news stories it spawns will create an unrest so great that dramatic changes will result. I believe that followers of Christ should lead the charge on this issue, not because it is necessarily the "free-market" thing to do and not because it's the "American" thing to do, but because it is the Christian thing to do. What can overcome the vast stockpiles of cash at the disposal of the insurance industry? Nothing, if not the prayers and sacrificial love of the followers of Christ.

1 John 3:17 asks us as believers a challenging question, and one that is very timely. "If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?"

It is not only our brothers who are in need, but our sisters and our fathers and our mothers. We have a voice, we have a vote, and we have resources. If we are unwilling to pray for and cry out for a change that will meet their need then how can the love of God be in us?

The Requisite Life Update

2007-06-19T23:08:00.001-07:00

I've been throwing the gauntlet down to myself for quite awhile now, trying to "self-motivate" into beginning the blog that I've sadly neglected for so long. Unfortunately my motivational skills appear to be lacking as I've now gone more than three months without an update.

Quite honestly there have been MANY times I've wanted to say something relating to various issues or events, but it didn't really feel appropriate as the vast majority of you had no idea what was going on with me personally. So...in order that I might free myself to blog again, I present to you this life-update.

First, I mentioned several months back that I had taken a job at OU. I manage all the IT labs on campus and all the classroom A/V equipment. Really, what I manage is the people that manage those things. I guess the only thing to update you on in this arena is to let you know that I'm still loving it. I have great bosses and co-workers. It's a fun environment and I'm learning a great deal, which is always a good sign.

Second, I alluded to this in a previous post but was not freed up to give full disclosure, but Alicia and I are in house-building mode. My work over the past few years for a local homebuilder has given me an appreciation for quality construction and so we are building a house (with said homebuilder) in the south Norman area. We're really excited. Apartment life is a drag when you're used to having your own place. We're ready to have room to spread out, a place to host, and the ability to speak above a whisper before 9am and after 10pm. We're still a few months out but we check on the house very regularly to make sure the work is being done right. So far so good. We've had a snag or two, but everything has been worked out and we'll be homeowners again in the not-to-distant future.

Finally, the biggest life-change relates to some part-time work I've taken up. Actually, that's a really poor way to describe it. It's so much more and yet so much less than work. I'm currently "serving" as a youth pastor for an area church. It's one of those places that, despite being minutes from OKC, has the feel of the country. The people are phenomenal. I've never felt so loved so fast. The students I get to work with are the exact same way. I think that within 5 minutes they had given me nickname and were freely making fun of my every action (always a good sign). It's been challenging at times to make the transition back into ministry, but well worth it. It's a busy time. We've got a lock-in coming up, VBS, and we're gearing up for camp. It'll be my first chance to take students to Falls Creek so that'll be something to watch I'm sure. Even though I'm a lifelong Oklahoma Baptist, my Falls Creek quota is severely lacking.

So these are the things going on with me. Hopefully, now that I've given you the polite and proper 5-minute catch-up on my life I'll be able to adequately comment on all that is going on in the world around us. I've been moved by some things that I've seen lately. I've been frustrated by other things. And some things have just made me downright angry. I want to continue to use this blog to work through the things I'm learning and how I'm growing (or not growing and should be) as a person and a follower of Christ. While not exactly a journal, a blog has the same ability to make the ethereal or surreal become tangible and I hope that is what this place continues to be. It's a challenge to remember what we learn instead of just letting it be a lump in our throat or a stirring in our hearts for only a moment. And with that, welcome back into the happenings of my life.

I'm Not With Them

2007-03-07T18:00:00.000-08:00

Working on a college campus means you're always prone to see the incredible, the unique, and the frustrating. For example, since I started a month ago our fine University has been host to former Mexican President Vicente Fox, former Vice-President Al Gore, and former President George H.W. Bush. Now that's quite a line-up. The totality of experience and I.Q. of those three men is probably more than most are lucky to see in a lifetime and yet we got them all in one month. Unfortunately I didn't get to see any of them as I had other obligations but I've already decided that I'm going to start marking those sorts of things down on my calendar and making a point to be a part of them. I mean, it would be nice to have cool stories about hearing these guys to tell my grandchildren some day.

So those men represent the incredible and the unique, but what about the frustrating? Never fear, they've been around too. The first two days of this week saw a couple of "fiery" 20-something preachers setting up camp in the south oval. These guys work in tag team and draw a surprisingly large crowd as they hurl out monikers such as "sinner" and "hypocrite." I'm honestly not sure what they're trying to accomplish. Tuesday they even brought a white board with a verse from the Psalms ripped completely out of context that said, "God despises the wicked" Underneath it they put the question, "Are you wicked?" Well I think that pretty much sums up their message. It's a message of hate and condemnation. I was walking through the oval with somebody while they were doing their "thing" and I turned to him and said, "The worst thing that could happen for those guys would be if everyone accepted their message because then they wouldn't have anyone left to condemn." Sadly, I've not made any attempt to hide the fact that I'm a former pastor (even confessing to being SBC) and that my college degree was in religion and so I run the risk of being associated with people like that. What I feel like doing is wearing a sign around my neck that says, "I'm not with them" because I have this deep terror that someone is going to mistakenly think that these guys even remotely represent the message or heart of Christ and then connect them with me. Sheesh, please don't be deceived. If the core of your message is that God hates the wicked then I can boldly and confidently stand up and say, "You don't get it." So to the guys who are spending their precious time looking down from their self-righteous perch, trying to convince a generation of students of how reprehensible they are, I encourage you to remember the words of the prophet and to do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God.

Telling the Truth

2007-02-05T19:42:00.000-08:00

Christian Smith recently wrote an article in Christianity Today entitled, "Evangelicals Behaving Badly with Statistics." The article is very important because it brings to light a practice among evangelicals which is incredibly un-Christlike and represents, I believe, a distinct lack of faith. The summation of his article is that evangelicals, as a subgroup within our culture, are particularly bad about distorting, manipulating, or just plain ignoring facts when making their case before their congregants. Frank Lloyd Wright once said that "the truth is more important than the facts" and this seems to be the theory under which evangelicals often operate. This lack of integrity in making our case is strangely ironic as we've really claimed a cornering of the market on finding truth.

The article is well worth the read but will probably come as no surprise to those who have found themselves at one time locked in the grip of this system and are now trying to pull themselves out of it. It seems to be cultivated in us as pastors in training that the best methods of motivation are fear and guilt. And so we heap them on, service after service, hoping that we will be able to effect some change. We talk of grim, truly frightening statistics. We take incomplete data and use it to spell imminent doom for the Church. We manipulate research in order to "scare" congregants into living the radical life, as if anything less will lead to the demise of their children and grandchildren. We condemn them and heap upon them a burden of guilt for failing to live a "Christlike witness" in their culture, basically pointing the finger at them and laying blame on their doorstop for the terrible state we find ourselves in.

It may seem like I speak in too absolute of terms but the truth is that I've been there myself and can speak with some amount of authority as to how pastors operate and the culture under which they are brought up. In my own search for answers as to why we choose to take this approach I believe I've found three distinct reasons. The first is that we have an understandably human need to control. Knowledge is power and so if we have some special knowledge that those who sit under us do not have then we can lead them and hold power over them. It strikes me how many pastors I hear speak on these issues. There's nothing wrong with noticing alarming trends or seeing disconcerting things going on in our culture because they certainly abound. What IS wrong is that it seems like everyone of them already have all the answers. I was like that too. I trumpeted death and destruction. I attempted to terrify my students and guilt them into living these radical lives. I can't tell you how ashamed I am of that. I read through some of the messages I taught over the years and I just shake my head as my stomach turns. I had to have power. I had to have answers. I had to "lead" them out of the muck and the mire which they had gotten themselves into. I had to shock them so that I could hold their attention. It wasn't enough to give them the words of life. I had to lace them with fear and guilt so that they knew how far they were and needed me to lead them.

The second thing which I believe leads to our warping of statistics is a terrifying fear of failure. You hear it in politics all the time. In order to beat this bad news we've got to "get out in front of the story." We've got to make sure that our spin is the official spin. That way when the crap really hits the fan we can stand there and say, "I told you so" or play it off as an obvious effect of what we've been saying all along. And what if the crap never actually hits the fan? That's okay because we've moved on to fear mongering some other hot topic. It should be obvious by now to everyone who's spent any time in church...pastors fail. And I'm not just talking about the oops, had an affair kind of failure. I'm talking about the more serious kind. The kind that is rarely brought to light. It's the failure to let people know that we're human, the failure to let them see us make a mess of things. And so they place us on these pedestals and put us up in glass houses and we're terrified of doing anything that might possibly mess that up or reveal our humanity. I'll be the first to tell you (after the fact of course, when it's safe and being able to provide for my family isn't on the line) that I was a failure as a pastor. I "failed" because I didn't have the answers and I had to pretend like I did. I failed because I had to be absolutely sure I was doing the right thing, all the while self-destructing on the inside because I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. It was the culture I grew up in and the culture I worked in. In the end, it was my inability to just be okay with duality and hypocrisy that did me in.

Finally, I believe there is an overwhelming need to distort the facts in favor of the "truth" because many pastors suffer from a distinct lack of faith. It may sound crazy but it's true. We lack the faith to believe that Jesus is the one who redeems people and so we use these wild tactics to win them ourselves, to compel them by our own abilities. We lack faith to believe that we can change the world one person at a time. We use the shotgun approach because it protects us from failure. We can't mess people up from behind a pulpit nearly as much as if we took four or five and said, "Follow me as I follow Christ." We lack the faith to believe that living differently will make more difference than our fiery sermons ever will. Heck, we lack the faith to believe that Jesus can and wants to make us different first.

And so we cry from the watchtowers. We exaggerate and manipulate the facts because it's easier than getting down in the dirt and risking failure. We weren't the first to do it, but we've certainly perfected the art form.

I don't know that I'll ever get the chance to do ministry as a full-time profession again but I hope and pray that if I do it will be drastically different this time around. I don't want to be so interested in being the all-knowing, all-seeing answer man that I forget to let God work in his amazing ways and use me and all my failures for his glory. I don't want to live in a glass house, I want to be one.

Mayer

2007-02-05T19:19:00.000-08:00

This past weekend John Mayer was in town and my wife and I went to go see him in concert. It was actually a long-awaited Christmas present that I had gotten for her. I just have to say that the guy is phenomenally gifted. I'm not usually one for concerts. I think it's because music is something that is intensely personal for me and the thought of sharing such an experience with 8000 other people is pretty unattractive. Of course that idea was reinforced when we found ourselves seated next to screaming girl. You know who I'm talking about. There's one at every concert. She's not really interested in clapping or singing. Her sole purpose is to scream that shrill, high-pitched scream and she does it louder than anyone else in the arena. Yeah, that girl was sitting right next to us. And then there was middle-aged drunk lady with foul mouth strategically placed behind us. She fulfilled her concert obligation when she spilled her beer down my wife's back. Sheesh, hold your liquor woman!!!

Anyway, despite those things I thought the concert was incredible. The things he does with a guitar are just unbelievable. He closed out his set by playing Gravity, which he calls "the most important song he's ever written." Forget the fact that it's a great song, he launched into this guitar thing at the end that I think went on for like 10 minutes. I'm telling you though, he could have just stretched the song out for three hours and I would have kept listening, still amazed, still wanting more. Somehow he just connects. And his lyrics are so great. Every song you hear you feel like you've known it your whole life and yet it seems so new and fresh. Plus his songs say something. They have purpose and meaning, which seems a rare find these days.

Well I don't want to get too carried away with the Mayer-worship but I just have to say you really should drink the Kool-Aid and join the cult. You definitely won't be disappointed.

The First Day

2007-02-05T19:04:00.000-08:00

There have been several things come up recently that I really want to blog about but I thought I would preempt them to tell you guys about my first day at the new job. For those that don't know, I'm now officially the Classroom/Lab Manager for the IT Department at OU. Basically that means I'm responsible for making sure the IT outfitted classrooms and labs on campus are staffed and functional. For those unfamiliar with OU, I can only say that it's not a small campus, which means that the first day on the job can be a little daunting. Within my first five minutes there I had been given my Blackberry device, which makes me available 24-7 I guess. I also got a ring full of keys that, when used as a projectile, could bring down a small plane. I can't begin to tell you what doors they unlock, but apparently a plethora spread all about campus. Oh, and losing them is a bad thing, as whole sections of the campus would have to be re-keyed, apparently at a cost of around 80k for certain keys. Now, what kind of pressure is that? The gist of my job is that I'll be supervising between 30 and 35 employees, lab assistants and technicians.

I spent the day getting the tours as well as a crash course in the IT department as a whole and my job responsibilities. Most of my employees will be part-time students. While I'm excited about working with students again, it didn't take long for me to recall some of the difficulties of working with a group of people that typically has a fundamentally different approach to life. Nevertheless, I'm very excited about what I'll be doing and about being a part of the OU community. For anyone around the campus, I office in Felgar Hall, Room 300 but if today is any indication, I'll be spending about 15 minutes there each day. Maybe our paths will cross as I trek across campus.

What is the State of the Union?

2007-01-23T19:11:00.000-08:00

The State of the Union is really just one big pat on the back/rose-colored glasses sort of thing. There's nothing like listening to the President talk about what he's done and his grand ideas about what we need to do. It's one man/party's opinion and that's fine but any person's argument sounds great without any input from the other side, which is basically what you get with these things.

I have to say that there were parts I enjoyed listening to. I'm glad the President is talking about environmental issue. We may differ on how dire the situation is or even what needs to be done but his desire to reduce fuel consumption by 20% is admirable. I was glad to hear him talk about alternative fuels and he even acknowledged the seemingly obvious fact that our environment is being negatively impacted by our own actions. That was a shocker and it seemed like it shocked his own party a little bit as they were not nearly as quick to jump up and applaud as Democrats were.

His thoughts regarding health insurance are an interesting prospect. The idea of giving a deduction for money spent on insurance is a good place to start, a good place to start if you believe that private insurance is the ultimate answer I suppose. I can't say that I'm sure that's the case. When he trumpeted a deduction up to 15K for people paying insurance costs he conspicuously left out the part about people paying over 15K for insurance getting slapped with an increased tax. That will actually affect more people than you might think. I'm blessed through my state job to get a generous benefit allowance to cover the cost of my family's health insurance (which makes up for the fact that public employees make much less in the bring-home column) so I don't have to pay anything out of pocket, but the cost for insurance just for myself and my wife comes out to over $11,000 a year and it is anything but "Gold Standard." It is sufficient and a blessing but if we had children that cost would increase to $16,000. Which means that middle-class Paul, if paying his own insurance for a basic HMO, would pay an additional tax for the insurance he carries. So...while some might be helped others would be hurt. And this is in Oklahoma where the cost of living is one of the lowest in the nation. I can only imagine it would be worse in places like New York and California. In truth, I don't think private insurance is going to be the answer. I think we've gotten way beyond that possibility so I hope Congress will block the President's plan. (At this point I'd like to give props to the governor of our state who is seeking to make healthcare more affordable for individuals and the small businesses they work for. His plan has the government helping to shoulder the burden of what is typically a major cost for people in this category. It also can relieve some burden from those already insured as they often have to cover medical costs for the 1 in 5 citizens of this state who are uninsured and need medical attention. Way to go Gov!)

The President was predictable on education. Everyone wants to improve education. Everyone wants better schools and better equipped teachers and all that. Everyone claps when he talks about those things. However, he also wants parents who are displeased with their children's education to have the choice to move them somewhere else (and of course take their tax dollars with them). I must say that such thinking really angers me. It's typical upper class, upper middle class thinking that seems to believe that anyone can improve their lot in life if they just work a little harder. Some people just don't have that option and won't ever get the breaks it takes to have that option and when the people with money decide to take their money and find a "better" school it hurts a lot of people who are stuck with the hand they've been dealt. So in response to that I'll quote the Scripture he used in another context in his address, "To whom much is given, much is required." Many of use have been blessed with much and we should see it as our duty to improve education for everyone, not just for ourselves and our kids. Parents who are dissatisfied with the quality of education their kids are receiving are more than welcome to move them somewhere else but as those who have been given much they need to use their finances, their influence, and whatever else it takes to see schools improved for all children. Maybe they could start a campaign and call it "No Child Left Behind" or something catchy like that.

Talk of the war was typical. He seemed to be begging a bit, like a man desperate for one more chance to prove himself. I just don't know if he's going to get it this time. He is sure going to try though. And if his demeanor reveals anything, it seems like his confidence in himself and his ideas aren't lacking. We'll see what happens as he faces major dissent not only from a Democratically controlled Congress but from a doubtful public as well.

So that's my spin on the State of the Union. And did you see Senator Webb's opposition response? Wow, that was pretty intense. I couldn't tell if he was going to swallow the cameraman alive or burst in to tears. It seemed like it could go either way.

The State of the Union

2007-01-23T18:47:00.000-08:00

Can I just say how much I LOVE the State of the Union? It's one of the more incredible things about our country. It's a night of mutual respect from two opposing parties. It's a night of respect for an office and a form of government that celebrates the separation of powers and a brilliant system of checks and balances. Just some useless trivia that makes it even more cool.

The President cannot come until he's invited. That's right, he has to be invited because he isn't allowed to enter the House Chamber without explicit permission from Congress.

All the branches of government are there and each play a distinct part. The president's party members stand and ovate over and over again. The opposing party stands and claps at times as well. What is really cool are some of the other players. The Joint Chiefs and other members of the military are there. They stand and clap when the president talks of issues of war and foreign affairs. They specifically do not stand and clap when the president speaks of domestic matters because it isn't appropriate for the military to involve itself in domestic affairs. The justices of the Supreme Court are present too however they do not typically stand and clap because it is believed that the Court must keep an appearance of impartiality. Now how cool is all that? There is a decorum and a respect. It doesn't mean individuals don't have their own opinions, it simply means that those individual opinions give way to respect for the roles and offices of our government.

--Side note -- Woohoo!! The President just mentioned taking action in Darfur! Sweet. Now he's quoting Scripture and talking about those who are hugry and needy and those dying of AIDS in Africa. This is the good part of the speech.

Anyway, another cool part of the speech is that the President is never mentioned by name. In his introduction by the Sargent at Arms to his welcoming by the Speaker of the House he is recognized simply as "The President of the United States" and people on both sides of the aisle clap and cheer and smile and shake his hand because of such great respect for the office. How cool is that?

Usually the President recognizes "regular people" who do extraordinary things as part of his speech. Its sort of a pat on America's back and is always good for chills or a lump in the throat. Interestingly these people are referred to as "Lenny Skutnicks" because Lenny was the first one of these regular people back in 1982.

Finally, this particular State of the Union is even more cool because it is the first time a female has welcomed the President as Speaker of the House. And she even got her own standing ovation. That's just awesome.

I'll talk more about the specifics of the speech in a later post but when you see what happens on this night you just have to smile and give props to this great country we live in.

Oh Dear...

2007-01-21T20:03:00.000-08:00

An alarming chain of events is unfolding, or has unfolded at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Ft. Worth. I won't go into all the details here as that has been done more succinctly than I could ever hope to do, but I will hit the highlights. In 2002 Sheri Klouda was hired as a Professor of Hebrew in the seminary's School of Theology. Since that time she been praised by students and colleagues as a fine academician and teacher. In addition to that she has been published several times over. Nevertheless she was refused tenure when the time came, saw her class load reduced to nothing, and so was eventually forced out by the administration of the seminary.

Based on the history I've seen the only thing you can fault Dr. Klouda for is her timing. She had the misfortune of being unanimously approved for hire by the trustees of the seminary a year before Paige Patterson was elected as president. Despite his assurances to the contrary it seems that it has been his mission from the beginning to get rid of Klouda and to free the School of Theology from the "taint" of having women serve in the role of professor. In his estimation it is unscriptural for a woman to teach a man and so not befitting the seminary to have a female serve as a professor in this particular school. True, there are other women faculty at Southwestern, but none teaching theology.

I take major issue with President Patterson over this situation. True, no professor is ever guaranteed tenure, that is the nature of working in an institution of higher learning. Nevertheless, there is no attempt to shift the blame of her not receiving tenure to anything other than her gender. So then a person who was unanimously approved for a position by the trustees of the institution finds herself out of a job, not because of the quality of her work, but because God, in his infinite foreknowledge made her a woman.

Wade Burleson does a great job of laying out the history and the facts of the case. He also does a fine job of exegeting Scripture in looking into the issue of women teaching men and serving in positions of leadership inside and outside of the Church. While others have chimed in, I link solely to his blog as he has proven himself to be a seeker of facts, unwilling to bend to the political machine that is the SBC. You can follow the trail from there.

Paige, as quoted in a Baptist Press article, uses I Timothy 2:12 in relaying his belief about the diminished role of women in the church (not that he would refer to it like that). Wade does a great job of pointing out the inability to be absolute in our understanding of that passage as it is built on a word from the Greek (authority) that is not found in any classical Greek or literature of the day. In other words we are merely interpreting here and cannot say with absolute certainty what Paul was saying when he said that women must not teach or have authority over a man. It certainly opens a door for the possibility that his instruction was contextual and not universal.

Second, Paige goes on to say that the highest calling of a woman is as mother and grandmother. I have to say that this is quite alarming. What does that say to the many women who will never be married or to those will not ever be able to have children? What is the purpose of their lives? Better yet, what of those who are not yet mothers and grandmothers? Are they simply biding their time because they cannot know their true purpose until then? I'm sure Paige would say I'm putting words in his mouth or exaggerating his statement but what I'm doing is asking logical questions based on the statements. And I wonder where he can find the Scripture to back up what he's saying. The truth is that the New Testament is full of stories of women serving valuable roles in the ministry of Jesus and in the early church. They didn't just sit at home and raise the kids. They engaged the culture in ministry, teaching and serving for the cause of the Christ.

I think I'm alarmed by this turn of events because I consider myself blessed to have known some pretty incredible women in my life. When he talks of women as second classes citizens in the hierarchy of the Church I think first of my own wife, incredibly gifted with wisdom and leadership abilities. I think of other women I've known like Kim and Natalie and Rachel and Rikki and Alicia and Pam. The names may mean nothing to you but to me they represent women of wisdom who have each taught me quite a lot and even provided leadership in my life...God forbid. I also think of some of the women who came through my ministry as teenagers. They were young women at the time but even then it was easy to see the anointing God had placed on them, girls like Rachel and Holly and Julie and Becca and Ashley and Beth Ann. They were leaders in our group then and they are a value to the church, whether they ever get married and have children or not.

I have to scratch my head in wonder at a God who empowers and equips such people and then holds back their abilities to serve because it violates the order of things. Why give them such great skills of leadership and never let them use it in the most significant entity on the planet? The truth is that the Church speaks out of both sides of her mouth on this issue. We speak of proper roles for men and women and yet seem perfectly fine to let the wives/moms wear the spiritual pants in the family. If they weren't around imagine the condition our already battered families and churches would be in.

I'm open to a healthy debate of these things but when men begin to speak in absolute terms as if their interpretation is the be-all end-all I begin to wonder if healthy debate is even possible. I've mentioned this before but for far too long we've had all the answers in the church. We know, absolutely, the correct interpretation of every passage. Our systematic theology is as inerrant as the Word of God itself. The powers that be have effectively said, "There's our side and the wrong side, which side are you on?" It's time to take a fresh look at Scripture, specifically on this issue, and ask some hard questions.

What instruction of the New Testament is contextual and what is universal? Why does God seem to so equip these women if having them use their gifts is sinful? How much of what we believe is really just the effects of thousands of years of living in a male-dominated culture? How relevant will a church be that doesn't allow women into positions of leadership when we see them leading so often in secular society?

I'm sorry this post has been so scattered. I wanted to get something down before the moment passed but haven't really been able to fully think through everything. I just have so many questions...and so much doubt about the state of the Church I've always known.

Ch-ch-changes

2007-01-21T19:35:00.000-08:00

I'm trying hard to break out of the funk I wrote about a few weeks back. In some ways I'm getting there, in other ways I'm still mired in the muck. I mentioned back then that one of the main reasons for being stuck in the rut was there was a lot up in the air. I wasn't very specific then but now I can be just a little more.

First, back in November my wife and I became apartment-dwellers again. We hadn't lived in an apartment since our first year of marriage and the transition back was difficult, especially in light of the fact that this apartment was in a college town, which always drops the median age (and maturity) by a decade or two. Generally speaking the place is nice but we have missed our house, our home. We built that one from the ground up (well not personally but you get the idea). We picked out the colors, chose the floor plan, and added in all the features that we wanted. Many times we got frustrated because our house was less than perfect, but in the end we were sad to say good-bye as it was truly ours. Nevertheless, convenience and logic dictated that we sell it and move to Norman so my wife could be closer to school as being a PhD student demands all of your time, usually in random chunks that make it hard to commute such a distance.

So we made the move. However, apartment life is difficult to return to when you've had your own house. You give up your garage, your privacy, your peace, and so much more. At the time an apartment seemed best as we weren't sure what the future held for us and we were fearful of making a long-term commitment in Norman. But in the past few weeks we've gotten a peace about finding a house. I'll save the details for you, whether its buying or renting, timing, location, and all that stuff but the point is that there is a sense of resolution now regarding making Norman our home and I think that makes both of us breathe a little easier.

Another major holding pattern going on in life had to do with my job. For the past year I've worked at a small/medium sized state agency as their Network Administrator. I have enjoyed my time there and it was good therapy following my season in ministry but it felt like it was time for a change. Computer work is something I've been good at, which is nice because it pays pretty well, but it's not exactly a passion of mine and I spend my time doing it usually to pay the bills. That's a difficult thing when you're trying hard to not get caught in the cycle of just doing a job for the money, which could easily have become the case there. Add to that my commute, literally from the far south side of Norman to the north side of OKC and the time for change seemed to be quickly upon me. Fortunately an opportunity opened up at OU and so in two weeks I will begin a new position there. It's strange how things worked out. I didn't seek the position and yet as I learned more about the job I began to see it as something I could get passionate about. It is still in the IT realm, but it is much less hands-on technical support and more management. I will be overseeing all the student labs on campus. I've yet to see a single one but they tell me there are about 100 of them, ranging in size and scope. I'll be supervising all the lab employees which will be a great experience for me and will give me the chance to work with students again. The IT department in the process of trying to re-think their computer labs and work to make them fresh and exciting and visioneering is definitely a passion of mine. OU is one of the Top-10 wired campuses in the country and was ranked on the list of the top 100 places to work in IT in the business world so the environment is awesome. And so I'm very, very excited about this new work that I'll be doing. I'm sad to leave the wonderful people I've worked with. You couldn't ask for better co-workers, but in the end this will be a good change.

So as you can see, some major life "stuff" has now been settled and that helps to stir me from my funk. We'll see what comes from here.

Peace
-Paul

Who to Root For?

2007-01-21T19:21:00.000-08:00

Well I'm wrestling through the quandary of trying to figure out who to root for in the Super Bowl in two weeks. Both teams I care about have now officially been eliminated. Dallas was officially eliminated when they lost to Seattle in the first week of the playoffs. They were effectively eliminated back on December 10th when they were embarrassed by the Saints at home 42-17 and shown to be the pretenders that they were. And just now my other team, the New England Patriots, were eliminated by the Indianapolis Colts. So now we have the Bears vs. the Colts, two teams that haven't been in the big game in a very long time. This is exciting as a major barrier has been shattered as not only will this be the first Super Bowl featuring a black head coach, it will feature two. How incredibly cool is that?

Indy should be the favorite when the lines come out (as if they haven't already). Manning is in a class all by himself, especially when put next to Rex Grossman. The Bears have a stout defense and feature several former Sooner stars. Both coaches are quality guys and good friends and both teams bring with them a storied history. I hate to go with the favorite but in the end I think I'll root for the Colts. It seems like Manning has just missed out at every turn in his career and it would be cool to see him win one. Add to that the fact that Dungy got dumped on by the Bucs after raising that team from the dregs of the NFL and he's had a rough year, losing his son. I'm a softy so call me a Colts fan for the next two weeks.

Indy - 33
Chicago - 20

Breaking the Silence

2007-01-05T11:40:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since anything has been posted here, an even longer time since anything of value has been written, some might say. I'd like to be able to say that it's because I've been really busy, which is probably partially true, but what is also true is that you take time for things that are important and if saying something here had been important then I would have made the time to say it. In actuality I haven't posted here because I haven't really had anything to say. I mean, there have been points along the way where a stray thought of posting has come, but in general nothing compelling enough to block out the necessary time for pondering, penning, and editing that is required.

The sad thing is that being busy is what usually sparks the creative juices but that just hasn't happened this time and I've resigned myself to the realization that I'm in a funk. I'm apathetic to the core, which is very unlike me. Usually, even when I'm apathetic I'm passionately apathetic (if that can be). I'm restless and uncomfortable in my apathy. However, this time I've settled in and now I'm really just wallowing in it.

Probably a major reason for the apathy is that I've been in transition for awhile. In the past several months the wife has started her PhD program, started a new job, we sold our house and became apartment dwellers again, been through some medical issues for myself, and other upheaval has struck with members of my family and remains in limbo. I hate transition. I like things to be done. There are two places where I find great delight, the imagination of new things and the completion of them. The process in between is a difficult place for me evidenced by the fact that I tend to rush changes and force things so that I can get from one place of great delight to the other as quickly as possible. So...the extended cliffhangers of life have me running for my protective shell. Well, at the very least, I have a learning opportunity here and maybe there'll be some important lessons for this thick-headed, muck-wallowing person that I am.

I just thought I would give you a little heads up on where I'm at. Transparency is good for the soul...or the ratings if you're in politics or Hollywood I hear. I leave you with two of my New Year's resolutions.

Three paper towels instead of four. Every day at work when I wash my hands after using the restroom I pull four paper towels out of the dispenser (yes I wash my hands, I'm sure you're relieved to know). Starting today I'm giving it a go with only three. It's a challenge. Four is the perfect amount. Three can leave your hands damp and five is just excessive. Nevertheless, feeling the need to do my part for the environment I am attempting to get the job done with three. It may cause me to have to stand idle in the bathroom longer which could lead to more awkward conversations (see previous post) but it's a price worth paying.
Drink more green tea. The stuff is amazing. I don't really know what exists inside the little baggy but apparently whatever it is has been revealed to increase the length of your life. That's really important for people like me who've spent the last few months in a funk. At least if I drink more green tea then that's less time wasted on self-indulgent pity, right? Don't you just love the way my brain works?

With that, happy new year! I wish the best to each and every one of you. "Even me?", you ask. Yes, even you.

Confession

2006-11-22T07:55:00.000-08:00

Sometimes confession is a private thing, sometimes a public thing. I believe that in this situation public confession is required. You see, I have a problem, and I need help and accountability for that problem. I need you, my brothers and sisters, to walk me through this difficult [holiday] season of my life. So here is my confession.

Many are the stresses and pressures in a person's life. The burden to perform and to succeed is so great that it often leads us to make poor choices. While not making excuses for my actions I do feel it necessary to lay blame at the feet of a liberally biased media as others in need of confession have also done in recent days. Certain persons in said media have felt it necessary to begin playing Christmas music already. In fact, some stations have begun pumping out the holiday cheer 24/7. This is obviously a gross aberration and completely inexcusable. Their glorification of one holiday over another is so devastating and it is certainly the lesser holidays such as Thanksgiving that suffer most.

Add to that the fact that it is impossible to walk into any commercial establishment on the planet and not be overcome by red and green and silver bells and all that stuff and it is no wonder that I have found myself in the situation I am in today.

And so here is my confession...I have spent the entire morning listening to Christmas music. It started off innocently enough. An accidental brush of the radio led to the self-proclaimed local Christmas station where I paused a little too long. The next thing you know I'm rationalizing as any addict would. It would just be one song. Nobody would even know. Oh, but the next one is so good too and soon I can't stop. And now I have given in fully to this vice. I'm sitting here in my song-induced stupor. So much so that I'm swaying as Bing sings about that Holy Night right this very minute. I know how this will hurt those around me. I know that soon all this holiday cheer will make me irritable and unapproachable. I know that a month from now I'll be drowning in a sea of over-played, beat into the ground Christmas music, and yet I can't stop. Eleven months of Christmas-music sobriety is down the tubes just like that.

So...please keep my family and friends in your thoughts as we walk through this difficult time together. I will be seeking immediate intervention as I attempt to break the stranglehold of consumerism I find myself in. But until that time, Deck the Halls and Ring those Bells and Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow!

Oh...One More Thing

2006-11-06T14:11:00.000-08:00

I've got one more to add to the list from earlier. Can someone explain to me exactly how it is that the existence of gay marriage is a threat to the religious liberty of Christians? I've heard that thrown around A LOT this election season and never with any real explanation as to how that works. I think it would actually be much easier to make a case for the reverse, that outlawing gay marriage is a threat to the religious liberties of others, but I can't figure out how the decisions of individuals within a society can effect my religious liberty in such a way as they describe it. Actually, I could make a case for it but I sure hope it's not the case that those who use that line are trying to make. I mean, I suppose that if a key tenet of my religion was to forcefully impose my beliefs on others, regardless of their own personal beliefs or convictions, then allowing gay marriage could cause me problems. However, since we wrestle not against flesh and blood and since the weapons of our warfare are not physical then I don't see any logic to what they are saying. Unfortunately way too many people just sit and soak it up and regurgitate it to others without any real thought to if it actually makes any sense.

Some Things I Don't Understand

2006-11-06T08:44:00.000-08:00

Well I've been on quite the sabbatical from the blogosphere. It's one part busy schedule and one part apathy that have kept me from blogging but I am working diligently to get back at it. I have been trying to post this particular blog for a few weeks now as it has been heavy on my mind. I have to post it today because it will be outdated after tomorrow's elections.

Having watched this particular political process unfold I have come across some things that I don't really understand as it relates to Christians and our rationale for choosing political candidates and for taking particular stances. I just wanted to throw a few out there and see if anyone else can explain how we justify those things that we support.

I've heard it said many times over the years that our current president is a "godly" man. I assume, by referring to him as godly people mean that he exhibits characteristics of Christ in his life, and particularly in his presidency. While I'm not close enough to critique his private life, I can certainly see things in his presidency that raise red flags. For example, last month he signed a bill into law that allows him to personally authorize torture in order to ascertain information he believes necessary to maintain national security. Now, torture in an of itself is not a particularly Christ-like characteristic and I don't know how we reconcile of view of a president as godly and his very vocal support regarding the need for such a law. Furthermore, the extent of this law is so far reaching that any "non-citizen" can be held indefinitely, coerced to share information that they might not even have, and then have absolutely no means of relief from such treatment. They don't have to be terrorists, they don't even have to know terrorists. So, while accomplishing some good in the area of national security, this law also allows for the potential torture of innocent people. Furthermore, the law is retro-active, which is only necessary if we, as a country, were already taking these actions prior to it being legal. So, how can we call the president a godly man as he champions such things? Where does this fit into the scheme of turning the other cheek and blessing those who curse you? How does this stand up to the litmus test of becoming a servant to all and esteeming others more highly than yourself?
Second, I'm fully convinced that political party trumps all else when it comes to Christians picking a candidate and I don't understand why that is. Within our own state we have a governor who has successfully led the state through the worst budget crisis in history, worked in a bipartisan way to enact the largest tax cuts in state history, and worked to bring teacher pay to the regional average in order to stop the hemorrhaging of quality educators to other states that has been going on for years. Beyond that he's an active member of the First Baptist Church of Shawnee, a Sunday school teacher, and a deacon. His opponent has continually supported the president in racking up HUGE budget deficits at the national level (despite calling himself a fiscal conservative) and voted to allow the president to authorize torture. What about his religious background? He is a practicing member of the LDS church. While not passing judgment on him myself I have been a Southern Baptist my whole life and I grew up being taught that his church got lumped into the category of cults. Southern Baptists consider the Mormon faith to be aberrant and non-Christian. So, they can't worship with this guy, they can't spend eternity with this guy, and yet he's the prime pick of Christians all across the state to effectively lead us. And why is that? Simply because he's a Republican. That bugs me. I don't understand how we can make Christian and conservative mean the same thing. I don't understand why all else is irrelevant in picking a candidate. I got my weekly letter from Jerry Falwell the other day, basically attempting to challenge, shame, and guilt me into heading to the polls tomorrow and vote for the Conservative Republican candidate who so closely shares my values. No talk of specific issues, just a blanket endorsement of every candidate with the Republican party affiliation. When and why did that become the only issue?
Finally, I'm sure many of you share my great distress over the level of negative campaigning that everyone seems to be doing. I saw that negative ad spending outweighs positive spending by a 2 to 1 margin. Unfortunately, I've seen several examples of candidates who play the Christian cards being the worst offenders. Being critical of a person's public actions is one thing, ripping their private lives apart so that you can get elected is quite another. Beyond that, candidates are taking all kinds of opportunities to distort the facts or to knowingly and willfully misrepresent the truth so that it paints the opposing candidate in a bad light. There were several examples of that yesterday on Meet the Press. How can Christians justify doing such things? It would seem that they believe the need to win overrules the need to treat your opponent with dignity and honor.

Well...there is still a great deal more that I don't understand, but I'll just leave it at these few for now. If you're out there and you've got any insight feel free to share them. Sadly, I am counting down the minutes to when this political season is over. I don't know how much more of this I can take. The media is hyping up this stuff up to make it a battle of the ages (it's the only way to get the ratings up in a non-presidential year). If you believe what they tell you then the eternal fate of our country hangs in the balance!! Somehow I doubt it's quite that important.

What I Was Saying, Only NOT

2006-10-09T15:58:00.000-07:00

The New York Times posted an article last Friday entitled, "Evangelicals Fear the Loss of their Teenagers." In some ways it's exactly the things I've been saying for awhile. In other ways it's completely different. The point of the story is that high-profile mainstream evangelical leaders such as Ron Luce, Jerry Falwell, Ted Haggard, and others are starting to flip out over the fact that teenagers are not sticking with the church. In fact, they've carried the data to extremes, proclaiming the number of those sticking around to being about 4% or soon approaching that number. Of course, this sends them into panic mode, or at least the appearance of panic mode.

I think that they have a somewhat convoluted purpose in their latest crusade. The best medicine for pushing people of apathy into action is to astronomically raise the level of fear and guilt. This isn't just an evangelical thing. At the very least its a western mindset. For further proof just look at things like anthrax scares, hurricanes, and the like. But I would contend that no group on the planet is better at pushing that button than evangelical preachers. And I think in this case they are using fear and guilt to stir up the people to do "something" to keep their teens. However, I'm not so sure these churches and church leaders are quite ready for action.

A few things, I think, are important to note. First, their 4% (or some say 5%) numbers are COMPLETELY out-dated, and unsubstantiated. It's an exaggeration for the sake of striking fear into people. That may seem odd, coming from me, as I've been saying for awhile that the church is losing a generation. However, it is important to be accurate and honest in our evaluation and NOT go to extremes or jump to conclusions just to get people's attentions or stir them to action. I think what you would get in that situation is a bunch of people running around trying to do something, without really a clue of what needs to be done. Fear and guilt aren't always so interested in what action is being taken, only that action is being taken. That way consciences are soothed.

Second, one thing that is important to note in regard to this issue is that attendance in church youth groups is at an all time high in our country. So, if there's a problem it's not just going to be solved by going out and getting more people in the doors. We've got more people now than ever before. Perhaps instead of a solution, could that, maybe, be part of the problem? Additionally, the exodus can't just be blamed on the current culture. That's an easy place to point the finger, but the fact that we're having kids show up in droves sort of blows that one out of the water.

Another important issue of note, and this statistic is far more substantiated, is that teenagers are generally considered MORE spiritual now than they have been in the past. True, their commitment in spirituality isn't always directed towards the church, yet their spiritual depth and awareness has actually increased in a lot of ways. Many are feeding their spiritual lives OUTSIDE the walls of the church. And that's important because the main focus of blame is often directed towards an "increasingly secular society," which I mentioned above. In the estimation of many, a secular society is pushing teens away from God and the Church. Unfortunately the previously noted points seem to contradict that. It seems rather than pushing them away it might possibly be causing them to seek him out in a new and unfamiliar way. This can't be said for certain, but the data that points to this possibility needs to be examined.

Finally, and this is the one that I think deserves some very serious consideration. Why do evangelical churches think they are the solution to the problem? Their approach to the whole situation could be seen as pretty arrogant. Number one, they don't really blame themselves for the most part. It's the secular culture coupled with apathetic parents, or just society at large. Sure, there is some blame to be had, but it "seems like" the blame is leading towards finding a better marketing niche, rather than leading to a true repentance and honest evaluation. I mean, perhaps I'm naive but it seems to me that a secular culture is always going to be secular. The world is going to continually be pulling at ALL of us. It's something that's always been around and always will. Perhaps it's not that the culture is becoming too strong. Perhaps it is that we are not adequately preparing or reaching students so that even in the midst of a secular culture they are living out the message of Christ.

Number two, they seem to just assume that some action on their part will solve the problem. Could it be that this isn't actually the case? Perhaps God is doing something different. Perhaps this isn't an opportunity for the mainstream churches to fix a problem, perhaps it's a time for them to look around, ask what God is doing, and ask how they should adapt and get involve in a new work. I know that's scary work for pastors to do because it might just mean the loss of job security and a healthy nest egg. It might mean the dismantling of denominational hierarchies. It might mean the relinquishing of the power and prestige currently associated with the guy standing in the pulpit. But if we're serious about really doing something then it's going to have to begin with an honest evaluation and NOT just some fiery sermon meant to scare the complacent troops into action. Just a thought.

**I use the term "secular culture" in this article as referred to by many in evangelical circles. However, I am very cautious about putting the labels "secular" or "Christian" on things, just because I think it fosters a delineation that isn't necessarily meant to be there. Another thought worthy of discussion.

The Gospel as Clear as I've Ever Seen It

2006-10-06T06:35:00.000-07:00

There is so much going on these days that it's hard to pick and choose exactly what to blog about. However, there is one blog I've been wanting to write for the past few days and I'm afraid that if I put it off any longer then it will just end up as a thought worth sharing that never got shared. I'm not the first to blog about this and I hope I'm not the last, but I wanted to be sure and share what I believe to be one of the most incredible displays of the lovingkindness of Christ ever given on such a public stage.

This week's attack by a deranged man on a group of innocent Amish students is beyond tragic. You could not find a more glaring contrast than the murderous rage of one man and the peace and compassion of another. This man's attempt to ease the grudge he had apparently been carrying for 20 years provided a backdrop to perhaps one of the clearest depictions of the teachings of Christ that I have ever witnessed. It is so clear, in fact, that it transcends all sorts of social barriers. Who could not be moved to hear that these devoted followers of Christ are, in their own time of great need, making a point to minister to the widow and children of the very one who murdered their children? Who can not be brought to tears to hear of the grandfather teaching a group of boys about the unconditional love of Christ by saying that they can not think evil of this man as they stand over the life-less body of a little girl?

The Amish are a different lot. They go to measures that many of us would consider extreme and unecessary in their devotion to God. How fitting that in this age of vengeance and proportional responses their actions of love and forgiveness also seem extreme. Surely anyone would understand their desire for retribution. Surely anyone could understand their anger and resentment. And yet they believed the one who commanded us to turn the other cheek and to bless those who persecute us. They believe him so completely that even in the face of their greatest loss they hold tightly to the promise that as they mourn they will be comforted.

Not only does their message demonstrate the love of Christ to a watching world, it also serves as a challenge to believers who don't want to admit that they've allowed the teachings of this world to mingle with the true message of Christ. I sit here today with burning coals on my head because I know that many times I have reached the end of my forgiveness. I have been hurt too much to let it go. My love has a limit or a price tag and I've rationalized withholding it from those who have wounded me. This morning I hear the teachings of the savior anew as he calls me to take the heart of a servant and consider others as more esteemed than myself. I hear him calling me to let go of my grudges and my anger and my resentment and to put on love. I can think of no greater testimony to these dear children and their families than to follow them as they have followed Christ and obey.

5 Years...Wow...

2006-10-05T06:26:00.000-07:00

Has it really been five years? Surely it hasn't been five years. It seems like it was only yesterday, but it's true. Five years ago today I got to marry the most incredible, wonderful, beautiful person in the world. You all were probably there since it was the event of the century. Heck, half of you were probably in the wedding party. I didn't know I had so many friends.

Anyway, these past five years have been absolutely incredible. At times I think that the events of life would have been unbearable without my wonderful wife standing there beside me. I know you may find this hard to believe but I am far, far from perfect. My wife patiently puts up with my melancholy mood swings, my martyr complexes, and my just plain goofiness, and she does it all with a smile.

So I just wanted you guys to know how lucky I am. Marriage isn't always easy but it's definitely worth it if you find the right person. I've found that right person and I'm looking forward to another 55 years just as great as these first five.

What's Next?

2006-10-05T05:42:00.000-07:00

That's a great question. In honor of their fiftieth anniversary, Christianity Today is doing a series on what the next fifty years of ministry holds for the Church. One part of the series is focused on what is next in the area of youth ministry. They poll several major players in the field of youth ministry to get an idea of where things are at and where they need to go from here.

Those questioned include Mark Oestreicher, Chap Clark, Walt Mueller, Kenda Creasy Dean, Ron Luce, and others. That's a pretty impressive list. There are a lot of years of youth ministry and youth ministry training in that collective group. Not surprisingly the general consensus is that as we continue to do the same things in youth ministry that we've been doing for decades we are seeing it be less and less impacting in the long term. The chasm between being active in youth ministry and then being active in the church as adults is growing. Some snippets of the series are available online here. I just wanted to post a few select quotes because I believe their words give credence to fears that I've had related to youth ministry.

"[These] kids seem happy and willing to attend, and engaged in our ministries, but five years from now, when they're in college or post-college, they just really aren't connecting with real faith, let alone church."

"We have treated kids as a separate species, which has had the effect of marginalizing them in church life." The result is that older teens and young adults may have trouble feeling connected to the larger church.

Walt Mueller, president of the Pennsylvania-based Center for Parent-Youth Understanding, said evangelicalism's theology of conversion contributes to the problem. "What we judge as success is a high number of hands that go up when the invitation is issued, or a high number of feet that walk forward."

Like I said, pretty common thread running through those thoughts. We are creating a subculture within the Church. We are so marginalizing teenagers that when they get into their twenties the only way we can continue to get them active in church is just to create a new one that caters specifically to them.

I wonder if a major part of the problem is the "instant" culture we live in. As youth pastors and youth workers we measure our success in the here and now. If I have a growing group that's a success. If my kids are getting involved in mission and service related projects that's a success. If they are learning the Bible that's a success. The problem is that they're doing all these things isolated from the overall Body of the Church and they have absolutely no understanding of how they fit into that Body or how to engage it when left to themselves after high school. Because we see ourselves as successful in the short-term we don't see ourselves as a factor in causing the problem whenever these kids graduate. We just write it off as an increasingly irrelevant church, never realizing that our isolation mentality is leading to the problem.

And so what is our typical solution? It's starting a 20-something Saturday night service, meant to be hip and cool or a new seeker-sensitive mega-church popping up in our area. But those things doesn't solve the problem, they just put a Band-Aid on it. They re-affirm the isolation of groups and segments within the Church. Somehow we've got to re-invent things so that 65 year olds can be actively engaged in church with 25 year olds. We need to teach these groups how to relate to one another and learn from one another. We as youth workers need to come clean and admit that "success" must be measured in the long run and if our students aren't active in their churches and in their faith 5 and 10 years down the road then it doesn't matter how many great experiences they had as teenagers. Until we do that we will just continue to perpetuate the problem.

Honestly, the thought of this sort of change is terrifying to me. I have absolutely no clue how to see these things happen because all I've ever known is the failed system. In fact I know it so well that as someone who is no longer engaged in full-time vocational ministry I have the same problem of connecting and finding my place in the Body as other 20-somethings currently do. And as I wrestle through all of it right now my heart goes out to all the students that I've ministered to over the years because I know how inadequately I prepared them to be engaged in the Church as adults. And what's really sad is that I know how incredible those students are and were and how much the Church is missing because of their lack of involvement.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just beating a dead horse and I wonder how long I should keep talking about this. I guess I talk about it because I'm tired of being a part of the problem and want desperately to be a part of the solution. I just wish I knew how to do that.

Bathroom Thoughts

2006-10-04T11:26:00.000-07:00

They recently added a new scent to the bathroom at work. As soon as you hit the door you are overcome by this fruity, cherry smell. It's a little disconcerting, to say the least. I mean, a bathroom should certainly not smell so bad that you don't want to go in there but in the same way it shouldn't smell so good that you do want to go in there. It's just too great a temptation, especially around lunch time. Now how weird is that?

Speaking of the bathroom, I had one of those great moments in bathroom history last week. By great I mean awkward of course. I had been in the bathroom and was at the stage where I was going to wash my hands. As I was making my way to the sink one of our fine higher-ups came in the door and went to go do his, um, business. Anyway, he starts talking to me. Now, I'm not into that sort of thing but I can be at least a little tolerant. Quick and witty banter is acceptable. Just don't hinder me from my escape out the door. Unfortunately, on this particular day quick and witty banter just wasn't enough. This person was having some computer issues and since I'm the tech guy he was recounting his trials and travails to me.

Now, a couple of things make this really awkward. Number one, we're not alone. There is another person in the bathroom who hears everything we say. Talk about stress! I don't want to be branded as a bathroom conversationalist. I don't want to be that guy! I've cultivated my private bathroom persona through years of avoiding eye-contact and giving mono-syllabic answers resembling grunts! Now, in a matter of minutes he's wiping all that out!

Number two, I'm done with my bathroom usage. At this point I've washed my hands. I'm just standing there while he's using the bathroom. And of course, it's taking him about 10 minutes to get out what he's trying to say. All the while I just stand there wondering what the heck I'm supposed to do! How stupid do I look!?!? And then, fate of all fates, somebody else walks in! Now I really look like a nut job. I'm not just a bathroom conversationalist, now I'm a bathroom stalker or something. I hunt people down in the restrooms for power meetings and tech support calls. I've taken multi-tasking to a whole new level.

Anyway, I did as much damage control as I could, staring at the wall, being my helpful and cheery self but making sure I looked completely uncomfortable in the process that way anyone who saw me would know I was a captive audience and a miserable one at that. I think there was even a tear and some drops of blood pouring from my brow for theatrical effect. Fortunately he eventually finished right before I was about to fake a heart attack so I was spared further embarrassment.

Anyway, somebody needs to inform people of the rules of bathroom etiquette. Maybe there should be a list posted in front of the urinals. Something in really big letters that says, FOR GOODNESS SAKES, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!

Okay, I've said all I need to say.

SOF/POM Struggles

2006-10-03T11:09:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting here on my lunch break today, eating the quality leftovers from Sunday evening's meal and I'm trying to work on a project. I'm trying to formulate some ideas regarding my personal statement of faith and philosophy of ministry. Can I just say how difficult that is? First, I've written at least three of these in the past and I would venture to say that those three particular papers have no more value today than to provide kindling for a fire to keep us warm should we ever neglect to pay our electric bill. That is because they represent so little of my current statement of faith. I've got the one from the purpose-driven, seeker-sensitive days, the one from the fundamentalist puritanical days, and the one from the Elijah complex days (Only I am left, all the others have bowed to Baal, poor, pititful me, etc). I have a feeling that the one I would write today would be the post-evangelical, post-Christian, anti-establishment, mad at the world version. And I'm equally sure that I'll think differently about a lot of things five years from now.

So I think this time I'll put a disclaimer at the bottom. Something like: **This Statement of Faith/Philosophy of Ministry is subject to change frequently and dramatically. The views expressed in this paper do not necessarily represent the views of the author or his home church and denomination. Oh, and of course, it would have to say "Any rebroadcast, re-transmission, or other use of this post, without the express written consent of Major League Baseball is strictly prohibited."

The other reason why I groan at the thought of doing this sort of thing is because I'm an incredibly pathetic writer. In comparison to the writing skills of my wife and my friend Eggroll Mama I am a featherweight. I don't know if it is because my brain moves too fast or what but I have a hard time taking the things that are in my head and putting them down in print. I know it is important because the written word has a lot better chance of surviving nuclear holocaust than does the VCR and DVD player and I want my ideas to outlive me. And so I am struggling today to write out my thoughts so that if anyone should ever pool my ravings during the various stages of my life they can say, "Yep, he's nuts, just like we thought." Speaking of which, is it sacrilegious if I actually write about the essential value of Starbucks in my evangelism section?

Random Thoughts

2006-10-03T06:03:00.000-07:00

There are several things I've been wanting to blog about lately but I just haven't had the time or mental energy. There are at least a few things I wanted to throw out there though so this is my collection of random blog thoughts:

Sheesh, what a hard week for students. Three deadly shootings within a matter of days. And as if that's not enough they involve abuse and mental torture. My heart is in agony for families across the nation today who are feeling loss. And I just wonder what in the world is going on??

Thought number two, I repent. What am I repenting for, you ask? I'm repenting for my ignorance while doing ministry. Before I was in full time ministry I worked in "the real world" for five years. I'm not sure if I was sheltered during that time or if I learned this lesson and then forgot it but living life is hard. The whole time I was in ministry I was disappointed at what I felt was an apathetic attitude and self-centeredness that kept parents and students from giving more of their time and energy to our ministry. I always felt like church was the lowest priority for people. The truth is, 8-5 is hard. Getting all the necessary stuff done at home is hard. Juggling obligations can be daunting. And when you do have free time, what you really want is to relax and unwind with friends, not head to a service where you're going to get beat over the head by some young youth pastor who doesn't have a clue about what you're going through and won't take the time to learn. So for that I'm truly sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't seek to understand where you were coming from before I judged you. I'm sorry that I wasn't grateful for what you gave because I was so consumed by wanting more from you.

Thought number three...the November election and the main thing. A pretty important mid-term election is just around the corner. I can't say for sure what the Republican higher-ups are thinking in the way of strategy but just taking stock of recent news, blogs, and talk it has seemed to be like homosexuality would be the banner cause for the final months. What better issue to use to garner last minute support than this? It apparently threatens to destroy our families and the very moral fabric of our society. It will rally the base and get them to the polls if they believe for a minute that a Democratically controlled House or Senate will lead to more equitable rights for this group of society. Anyway, it just seems like this was the horse they wanted to ride. It might have blown up in their face this past week in light of the scandal involving Rep. Foley and several young pages. But really that's not my point. I wanted to comment on a particular piece of literature I came across last week. It was a simple tract for parents that showed them how to properly deal with the advance of homosexuality within the schools of our country. There was a lot wrong with the article but in particular one point that they made very clear was that your student should absolutely not be friends with a homosexual. They can be acquainted, but nothing more. I'm just imaging the situation when a friend gains the courage to talk to someone about thoughts and feelings they've been having that make them feel different or alienate them. They choose to open up to your student because of their life-long friendship. According to this article, what is the proper approach? Apparently the only sane response is the ending of the friendship. Something about that just doesn't seem right. And I have to wonder what Jesus, the friend of sinners, would do.

So there are some random thoughts. Sorry it's been so long since I last posted. I have more to share and hopefully I can collect my thoughts more quickly.

Remember Darfur

2006-09-16T10:42:00.000-07:00

When the best option is rape you know that something is terribly wrong. What has happened and continues to happen in Darfur is a horrible tragedy and it should make us stop and take notice. The chance for peace and redemption there is quickly fleeting as the government continues to drag their feet on allowing UN peacekeepers to enter the country.

Take a moment out of your day to read the story of one young woman who lives the nightmare each day. It's real, it's relentless, and it's happening on our watch.

What's The Point?

2006-09-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

I've been blogging off and on for about 11 months now. I started out anonymously, not telling anyone I knew that I had entered in to the online fray. My purpose at that time was a little nebulous. I was going through a lot of change and I wanted the chance to talk through some of that change and the wacky ideas that were going through my head. I wanted a place where I was forced to articulate things that could stay vague and non-committal in my mind. Over time that purpose has evolved a little bit. Even though I never made a point to pimp my blog, little by little people that knew me began to find it and even though I still have a very small audience by blogger standards, not a day goes by that I don't have 20-30 people reading my thoughts in one manifestation or another.

As that has happened and as I have become more bold in sharing the thoughts going through my head I have begun to get responses from people over the things I've written. And the responses I get have been an encouragement and in a lot of way nothing short of amazing to me. I am continually taken aback not so much that people make a point to tell me that they enjoy reading my blog but of the diverse group of people who enjoy reading it. A few months back I wrote a post that was critical of the dispensational view of eschatology (end times) and how I believed it was negatively impacting the Kingdom of Christ because of the view's unhealthy infatuation with the destruction of the world and the "get out of tribulation free" card that came with it. A friend of mine responded at one of several places that I posted the blog. When I got the automatically generated e-mail telling me he had posted a comment I was a little freaked. You see, I think he would describe himself as a dispensationalist and I was terrified that he would be hurt by my comments. I was so freaked out that I waited two days to read his comment because it took that long just to build up the courage. Being the wise and godly man that he is, rather than feeling a personal attack had come from me, he acknowledged the weaknesses of many who hold that position and mourned the affects right along with me.

I was floored. I guess I just got so used to existing in such a close-minded, "I'm right" mentality that I figured everyone I had left behind when I walked away from ministry would be there too. Obviously I was wrong. As I've reconnected with friends I haven't seen lately I am encouraged to know that many people are incredibly sincere in their desire to work out their faith with fear and trembling. They aren't threatened by strange and absurd ideas because their heart's desire is to be more like Christ and to live the way of Christ out more fully to those around them.

And that brings me to my purpose. I'm not trying to sway anyone's thinking or convince anyone of anything. I've heard some think that to be my goal. Perhaps it comes across that way sometimes because my personality is such that I speak with passion and conviction in whatever I say but that's not what I'm going for. I have at least 10 times as many questions as I do answers and every conversation I have teaches me something new. I want to dialog because that is the way I learn. And that is the purpose of this blog. I want to re-evaluate and re-examine those things which we often take for granted. I want us to do all that we can to look at the truth of Christ as it is presented in Scripture and in the world around us and try our best to remove our biases and pre-conceived ideas. I want us to talk things out. I want to hear theories and beliefs and experiences that will help us to accomplish those things.

So please, don't feel threatened by my blog. Don't believe for one minute that I'm attempting to convert you to anything. Your thoughts carry at least equal weight with mine. If you have a position, share it. If my thoughts seem uncomfortable and foreign to you, at least let them roll through your mind. Examine them from all angles and share the things that come to you during the process. In that we will all grow and become more like the one we follow.

I saw a quote today that gives great insight into something I think that those of us in the Church could stand to learn. Aristotle said, "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." The work of the Christian is the work of interpretation. In order to do that we must be able to think through things and wrestle through things. We should be able to share our questions and our thoughts without fear of being branded a heretic or of being slapped with some simplistic label that carries a stigma, such as liberal or anti-God or non-inerrantist. Let us be the Church to one another and spur one another on rather that drawing battle lines and hurling insults and accusations at each other. For any time that I've done this to anyone, I sincerely apologize. If I question you it's not because I want to diminish your position, it's because I want to hear the wrestling through experiences that have brought you to your position. I want to know why you believe as much as I want to know what you believe. Let us commit to dropping the pretense and to sharing our lives with one another so that we might better demonstrate the love of Christ to a world in desperate need. If that's what your interested in then let's make this a place where that can happen.