Paulicus Maximus

I've Moved...

2007-08-17T19:04:00.000-07:00

I know, I should have told you earlier. It was irresponsible of me to wait this long. I should know better, and in fact I do. Accept my deepest apologies and know that I never meant to slight you. As it turns out I've streamlined down to a single source for my blogging fancies and that's at MySpace. Yes, hard as it is to believe, I am an avid MySpacer. "When in Rome do as the Romans do," they say and the Romans I currently run with live on MySpace. So that's where you'll find me. As for the exact address, www.myspace.com/paulicus is where you'll find me. You can read the blog, view the pictures, and all that jazz.

See ya there!

Is It In Us?

2007-06-20T23:54:00.001-07:00

The USA Today had a detailed story about the condition of health care in the state of Texas, highlighting issues affecting the entire nation as well. They picked Texas, not because it is alone in the quagmire that is the health care industry, but because it's the worst. By worst I mean that it has the highest percentage of uninsured residents in the country. My fair state of Oklahoma doesn't fair much better, coming in at 47th. Overall there are 45 million Americans with no health insurance. No health insurance usually means no hope when it comes to getting respectable, even quasi-quality health care.

The impetus for this story is likely the anticipation of the new documentary by Michael Moore, called Sicko. The movie is an in-depth look at the fatal flaws that currently exist in our country's health care industry. It painfully chronicles the stories of those who's quality of life has been diminished or even ended not because of a lack of ability on the part of doctors to do something, but because of a lack of access by the patient to get the assistance those doctors can provide.

The summation of the story is that insurance rates continue to rise at an alarming pace. Even with the rate increase, the level of insurance is not maintained as co-pays and deductibles rise as well. Feeling the pressure, employers are reducing the level of insurance they provide to employees and their families. So added to the uninsured is a large group of people in this country who are under-insured or who find their insurance pointless as they are denied treatment. Meanwhile, insurance companies continue to reduce the amounts they pay to doctors and hospitals, such that these places are forced to reduce or quit offering services that don't make a profit, services such as the emergency room.

At the same time all this is going on, insurance companies continue to see record profits. And their using those profits to strong-arm the government into ignoring this devastating problem. (A quote from the Sicko trailer reveals that there are four health care industry lobbyists for every member of Congress).

I'll give you just two statistics that should shake us to the core and wake us up to the awful state of health care in our country:

The United States has the LOWEST life expectancy among all industrialized nations in the world.
The United States has the HIGHEST infant mortality rate among all industrialized nations in the world.

Chew on that for awhile. We've got more wealth and better doctors than any other industrialized nation in the world and yet we fail in two of the most critical categories that exist.

My fervent prayer (yes I did use that term seriously) is that this film and the news stories it spawns will create an unrest so great that dramatic changes will result. I believe that followers of Christ should lead the charge on this issue, not because it is necessarily the "free-market" thing to do and not because it's the "American" thing to do, but because it is the Christian thing to do. What can overcome the vast stockpiles of cash at the disposal of the insurance industry? Nothing, if not the prayers and sacrificial love of the followers of Christ.

1 John 3:17 asks us as believers a challenging question, and one that is very timely. "If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?"

It is not only our brothers who are in need, but our sisters and our fathers and our mothers. We have a voice, we have a vote, and we have resources. If we are unwilling to pray for and cry out for a change that will meet their need then how can the love of God be in us?

The Requisite Life Update

2007-06-19T23:08:00.001-07:00

I've been throwing the gauntlet down to myself for quite awhile now, trying to "self-motivate" into beginning the blog that I've sadly neglected for so long. Unfortunately my motivational skills appear to be lacking as I've now gone more than three months without an update.

Quite honestly there have been MANY times I've wanted to say something relating to various issues or events, but it didn't really feel appropriate as the vast majority of you had no idea what was going on with me personally. So...in order that I might free myself to blog again, I present to you this life-update.

First, I mentioned several months back that I had taken a job at OU. I manage all the IT labs on campus and all the classroom A/V equipment. Really, what I manage is the people that manage those things. I guess the only thing to update you on in this arena is to let you know that I'm still loving it. I have great bosses and co-workers. It's a fun environment and I'm learning a great deal, which is always a good sign.

Second, I alluded to this in a previous post but was not freed up to give full disclosure, but Alicia and I are in house-building mode. My work over the past few years for a local homebuilder has given me an appreciation for quality construction and so we are building a house (with said homebuilder) in the south Norman area. We're really excited. Apartment life is a drag when you're used to having your own place. We're ready to have room to spread out, a place to host, and the ability to speak above a whisper before 9am and after 10pm. We're still a few months out but we check on the house very regularly to make sure the work is being done right. So far so good. We've had a snag or two, but everything has been worked out and we'll be homeowners again in the not-to-distant future.

Finally, the biggest life-change relates to some part-time work I've taken up. Actually, that's a really poor way to describe it. It's so much more and yet so much less than work. I'm currently "serving" as a youth pastor for an area church. It's one of those places that, despite being minutes from OKC, has the feel of the country. The people are phenomenal. I've never felt so loved so fast. The students I get to work with are the exact same way. I think that within 5 minutes they had given me nickname and were freely making fun of my every action (always a good sign). It's been challenging at times to make the transition back into ministry, but well worth it. It's a busy time. We've got a lock-in coming up, VBS, and we're gearing up for camp. It'll be my first chance to take students to Falls Creek so that'll be something to watch I'm sure. Even though I'm a lifelong Oklahoma Baptist, my Falls Creek quota is severely lacking.

So these are the things going on with me. Hopefully, now that I've given you the polite and proper 5-minute catch-up on my life I'll be able to adequately comment on all that is going on in the world around us. I've been moved by some things that I've seen lately. I've been frustrated by other things. And some things have just made me downright angry. I want to continue to use this blog to work through the things I'm learning and how I'm growing (or not growing and should be) as a person and a follower of Christ. While not exactly a journal, a blog has the same ability to make the ethereal or surreal become tangible and I hope that is what this place continues to be. It's a challenge to remember what we learn instead of just letting it be a lump in our throat or a stirring in our hearts for only a moment. And with that, welcome back into the happenings of my life.

I'm Not With Them

2007-03-07T18:00:00.000-08:00

Working on a college campus means you're always prone to see the incredible, the unique, and the frustrating. For example, since I started a month ago our fine University has been host to former Mexican President Vicente Fox, former Vice-President Al Gore, and former President George H.W. Bush. Now that's quite a line-up. The totality of experience and I.Q. of those three men is probably more than most are lucky to see in a lifetime and yet we got them all in one month. Unfortunately I didn't get to see any of them as I had other obligations but I've already decided that I'm going to start marking those sorts of things down on my calendar and making a point to be a part of them. I mean, it would be nice to have cool stories about hearing these guys to tell my grandchildren some day.

So those men represent the incredible and the unique, but what about the frustrating? Never fear, they've been around too. The first two days of this week saw a couple of "fiery" 20-something preachers setting up camp in the south oval. These guys work in tag team and draw a surprisingly large crowd as they hurl out monikers such as "sinner" and "hypocrite." I'm honestly not sure what they're trying to accomplish. Tuesday they even brought a white board with a verse from the Psalms ripped completely out of context that said, "God despises the wicked" Underneath it they put the question, "Are you wicked?" Well I think that pretty much sums up their message. It's a message of hate and condemnation. I was walking through the oval with somebody while they were doing their "thing" and I turned to him and said, "The worst thing that could happen for those guys would be if everyone accepted their message because then they wouldn't have anyone left to condemn." Sadly, I've not made any attempt to hide the fact that I'm a former pastor (even confessing to being SBC) and that my college degree was in religion and so I run the risk of being associated with people like that. What I feel like doing is wearing a sign around my neck that says, "I'm not with them" because I have this deep terror that someone is going to mistakenly think that these guys even remotely represent the message or heart of Christ and then connect them with me. Sheesh, please don't be deceived. If the core of your message is that God hates the wicked then I can boldly and confidently stand up and say, "You don't get it." So to the guys who are spending their precious time looking down from their self-righteous perch, trying to convince a generation of students of how reprehensible they are, I encourage you to remember the words of the prophet and to do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God.

Telling the Truth

2007-02-05T19:42:00.000-08:00

Christian Smith recently wrote an article in Christianity Today entitled, "Evangelicals Behaving Badly with Statistics." The article is very important because it brings to light a practice among evangelicals which is incredibly un-Christlike and represents, I believe, a distinct lack of faith. The summation of his article is that evangelicals, as a subgroup within our culture, are particularly bad about distorting, manipulating, or just plain ignoring facts when making their case before their congregants. Frank Lloyd Wright once said that "the truth is more important than the facts" and this seems to be the theory under which evangelicals often operate. This lack of integrity in making our case is strangely ironic as we've really claimed a cornering of the market on finding truth.

The article is well worth the read but will probably come as no surprise to those who have found themselves at one time locked in the grip of this system and are now trying to pull themselves out of it. It seems to be cultivated in us as pastors in training that the best methods of motivation are fear and guilt. And so we heap them on, service after service, hoping that we will be able to effect some change. We talk of grim, truly frightening statistics. We take incomplete data and use it to spell imminent doom for the Church. We manipulate research in order to "scare" congregants into living the radical life, as if anything less will lead to the demise of their children and grandchildren. We condemn them and heap upon them a burden of guilt for failing to live a "Christlike witness" in their culture, basically pointing the finger at them and laying blame on their doorstop for the terrible state we find ourselves in.

It may seem like I speak in too absolute of terms but the truth is that I've been there myself and can speak with some amount of authority as to how pastors operate and the culture under which they are brought up. In my own search for answers as to why we choose to take this approach I believe I've found three distinct reasons. The first is that we have an understandably human need to control. Knowledge is power and so if we have some special knowledge that those who sit under us do not have then we can lead them and hold power over them. It strikes me how many pastors I hear speak on these issues. There's nothing wrong with noticing alarming trends or seeing disconcerting things going on in our culture because they certainly abound. What IS wrong is that it seems like everyone of them already have all the answers. I was like that too. I trumpeted death and destruction. I attempted to terrify my students and guilt them into living these radical lives. I can't tell you how ashamed I am of that. I read through some of the messages I taught over the years and I just shake my head as my stomach turns. I had to have power. I had to have answers. I had to "lead" them out of the muck and the mire which they had gotten themselves into. I had to shock them so that I could hold their attention. It wasn't enough to give them the words of life. I had to lace them with fear and guilt so that they knew how far they were and needed me to lead them.

The second thing which I believe leads to our warping of statistics is a terrifying fear of failure. You hear it in politics all the time. In order to beat this bad news we've got to "get out in front of the story." We've got to make sure that our spin is the official spin. That way when the crap really hits the fan we can stand there and say, "I told you so" or play it off as an obvious effect of what we've been saying all along. And what if the crap never actually hits the fan? That's okay because we've moved on to fear mongering some other hot topic. It should be obvious by now to everyone who's spent any time in church...pastors fail. And I'm not just talking about the oops, had an affair kind of failure. I'm talking about the more serious kind. The kind that is rarely brought to light. It's the failure to let people know that we're human, the failure to let them see us make a mess of things. And so they place us on these pedestals and put us up in glass houses and we're terrified of doing anything that might possibly mess that up or reveal our humanity. I'll be the first to tell you (after the fact of course, when it's safe and being able to provide for my family isn't on the line) that I was a failure as a pastor. I "failed" because I didn't have the answers and I had to pretend like I did. I failed because I had to be absolutely sure I was doing the right thing, all the while self-destructing on the inside because I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. It was the culture I grew up in and the culture I worked in. In the end, it was my inability to just be okay with duality and hypocrisy that did me in.

Finally, I believe there is an overwhelming need to distort the facts in favor of the "truth" because many pastors suffer from a distinct lack of faith. It may sound crazy but it's true. We lack the faith to believe that Jesus is the one who redeems people and so we use these wild tactics to win them ourselves, to compel them by our own abilities. We lack faith to believe that we can change the world one person at a time. We use the shotgun approach because it protects us from failure. We can't mess people up from behind a pulpit nearly as much as if we took four or five and said, "Follow me as I follow Christ." We lack the faith to believe that living differently will make more difference than our fiery sermons ever will. Heck, we lack the faith to believe that Jesus can and wants to make us different first.

And so we cry from the watchtowers. We exaggerate and manipulate the facts because it's easier than getting down in the dirt and risking failure. We weren't the first to do it, but we've certainly perfected the art form.

I don't know that I'll ever get the chance to do ministry as a full-time profession again but I hope and pray that if I do it will be drastically different this time around. I don't want to be so interested in being the all-knowing, all-seeing answer man that I forget to let God work in his amazing ways and use me and all my failures for his glory. I don't want to live in a glass house, I want to be one.

Mayer

2007-02-05T19:19:00.000-08:00

This past weekend John Mayer was in town and my wife and I went to go see him in concert. It was actually a long-awaited Christmas present that I had gotten for her. I just have to say that the guy is phenomenally gifted. I'm not usually one for concerts. I think it's because music is something that is intensely personal for me and the thought of sharing such an experience with 8000 other people is pretty unattractive. Of course that idea was reinforced when we found ourselves seated next to screaming girl. You know who I'm talking about. There's one at every concert. She's not really interested in clapping or singing. Her sole purpose is to scream that shrill, high-pitched scream and she does it louder than anyone else in the arena. Yeah, that girl was sitting right next to us. And then there was middle-aged drunk lady with foul mouth strategically placed behind us. She fulfilled her concert obligation when she spilled her beer down my wife's back. Sheesh, hold your liquor woman!!!

Anyway, despite those things I thought the concert was incredible. The things he does with a guitar are just unbelievable. He closed out his set by playing Gravity, which he calls "the most important song he's ever written." Forget the fact that it's a great song, he launched into this guitar thing at the end that I think went on for like 10 minutes. I'm telling you though, he could have just stretched the song out for three hours and I would have kept listening, still amazed, still wanting more. Somehow he just connects. And his lyrics are so great. Every song you hear you feel like you've known it your whole life and yet it seems so new and fresh. Plus his songs say something. They have purpose and meaning, which seems a rare find these days.

Well I don't want to get too carried away with the Mayer-worship but I just have to say you really should drink the Kool-Aid and join the cult. You definitely won't be disappointed.

The First Day

2007-02-05T19:04:00.000-08:00

There have been several things come up recently that I really want to blog about but I thought I would preempt them to tell you guys about my first day at the new job. For those that don't know, I'm now officially the Classroom/Lab Manager for the IT Department at OU. Basically that means I'm responsible for making sure the IT outfitted classrooms and labs on campus are staffed and functional. For those unfamiliar with OU, I can only say that it's not a small campus, which means that the first day on the job can be a little daunting. Within my first five minutes there I had been given my Blackberry device, which makes me available 24-7 I guess. I also got a ring full of keys that, when used as a projectile, could bring down a small plane. I can't begin to tell you what doors they unlock, but apparently a plethora spread all about campus. Oh, and losing them is a bad thing, as whole sections of the campus would have to be re-keyed, apparently at a cost of around 80k for certain keys. Now, what kind of pressure is that? The gist of my job is that I'll be supervising between 30 and 35 employees, lab assistants and technicians.

I spent the day getting the tours as well as a crash course in the IT department as a whole and my job responsibilities. Most of my employees will be part-time students. While I'm excited about working with students again, it didn't take long for me to recall some of the difficulties of working with a group of people that typically has a fundamentally different approach to life. Nevertheless, I'm very excited about what I'll be doing and about being a part of the OU community. For anyone around the campus, I office in Felgar Hall, Room 300 but if today is any indication, I'll be spending about 15 minutes there each day. Maybe our paths will cross as I trek across campus.

What is the State of the Union?

2007-01-23T19:11:00.000-08:00

The State of the Union is really just one big pat on the back/rose-colored glasses sort of thing. There's nothing like listening to the President talk about what he's done and his grand ideas about what we need to do. It's one man/party's opinion and that's fine but any person's argument sounds great without any input from the other side, which is basically what you get with these things.

I have to say that there were parts I enjoyed listening to. I'm glad the President is talking about environmental issue. We may differ on how dire the situation is or even what needs to be done but his desire to reduce fuel consumption by 20% is admirable. I was glad to hear him talk about alternative fuels and he even acknowledged the seemingly obvious fact that our environment is being negatively impacted by our own actions. That was a shocker and it seemed like it shocked his own party a little bit as they were not nearly as quick to jump up and applaud as Democrats were.

His thoughts regarding health insurance are an interesting prospect. The idea of giving a deduction for money spent on insurance is a good place to start, a good place to start if you believe that private insurance is the ultimate answer I suppose. I can't say that I'm sure that's the case. When he trumpeted a deduction up to 15K for people paying insurance costs he conspicuously left out the part about people paying over 15K for insurance getting slapped with an increased tax. That will actually affect more people than you might think. I'm blessed through my state job to get a generous benefit allowance to cover the cost of my family's health insurance (which makes up for the fact that public employees make much less in the bring-home column) so I don't have to pay anything out of pocket, but the cost for insurance just for myself and my wife comes out to over $11,000 a year and it is anything but "Gold Standard." It is sufficient and a blessing but if we had children that cost would increase to $16,000. Which means that middle-class Paul, if paying his own insurance for a basic HMO, would pay an additional tax for the insurance he carries. So...while some might be helped others would be hurt. And this is in Oklahoma where the cost of living is one of the lowest in the nation. I can only imagine it would be worse in places like New York and California. In truth, I don't think private insurance is going to be the answer. I think we've gotten way beyond that possibility so I hope Congress will block the President's plan. (At this point I'd like to give props to the governor of our state who is seeking to make healthcare more affordable for individuals and the small businesses they work for. His plan has the government helping to shoulder the burden of what is typically a major cost for people in this category. It also can relieve some burden from those already insured as they often have to cover medical costs for the 1 in 5 citizens of this state who are uninsured and need medical attention. Way to go Gov!)

The President was predictable on education. Everyone wants to improve education. Everyone wants better schools and better equipped teachers and all that. Everyone claps when he talks about those things. However, he also wants parents who are displeased with their children's education to have the choice to move them somewhere else (and of course take their tax dollars with them). I must say that such thinking really angers me. It's typical upper class, upper middle class thinking that seems to believe that anyone can improve their lot in life if they just work a little harder. Some people just don't have that option and won't ever get the breaks it takes to have that option and when the people with money decide to take their money and find a "better" school it hurts a lot of people who are stuck with the hand they've been dealt. So in response to that I'll quote the Scripture he used in another context in his address, "To whom much is given, much is required." Many of use have been blessed with much and we should see it as our duty to improve education for everyone, not just for ourselves and our kids. Parents who are dissatisfied with the quality of education their kids are receiving are more than welcome to move them somewhere else but as those who have been given much they need to use their finances, their influence, and whatever else it takes to see schools improved for all children. Maybe they could start a campaign and call it "No Child Left Behind" or something catchy like that.

Talk of the war was typical. He seemed to be begging a bit, like a man desperate for one more chance to prove himself. I just don't know if he's going to get it this time. He is sure going to try though. And if his demeanor reveals anything, it seems like his confidence in himself and his ideas aren't lacking. We'll see what happens as he faces major dissent not only from a Democratically controlled Congress but from a doubtful public as well.

So that's my spin on the State of the Union. And did you see Senator Webb's opposition response? Wow, that was pretty intense. I couldn't tell if he was going to swallow the cameraman alive or burst in to tears. It seemed like it could go either way.

The State of the Union

2007-01-23T18:47:00.000-08:00

Can I just say how much I LOVE the State of the Union? It's one of the more incredible things about our country. It's a night of mutual respect from two opposing parties. It's a night of respect for an office and a form of government that celebrates the separation of powers and a brilliant system of checks and balances. Just some useless trivia that makes it even more cool.

The President cannot come until he's invited. That's right, he has to be invited because he isn't allowed to enter the House Chamber without explicit permission from Congress.

All the branches of government are there and each play a distinct part. The president's party members stand and ovate over and over again. The opposing party stands and claps at times as well. What is really cool are some of the other players. The Joint Chiefs and other members of the military are there. They stand and clap when the president talks of issues of war and foreign affairs. They specifically do not stand and clap when the president speaks of domestic matters because it isn't appropriate for the military to involve itself in domestic affairs. The justices of the Supreme Court are present too however they do not typically stand and clap because it is believed that the Court must keep an appearance of impartiality. Now how cool is all that? There is a decorum and a respect. It doesn't mean individuals don't have their own opinions, it simply means that those individual opinions give way to respect for the roles and offices of our government.

--Side note -- Woohoo!! The President just mentioned taking action in Darfur! Sweet. Now he's quoting Scripture and talking about those who are hugry and needy and those dying of AIDS in Africa. This is the good part of the speech.

Anyway, another cool part of the speech is that the President is never mentioned by name. In his introduction by the Sargent at Arms to his welcoming by the Speaker of the House he is recognized simply as "The President of the United States" and people on both sides of the aisle clap and cheer and smile and shake his hand because of such great respect for the office. How cool is that?

Usually the President recognizes "regular people" who do extraordinary things as part of his speech. Its sort of a pat on America's back and is always good for chills or a lump in the throat. Interestingly these people are referred to as "Lenny Skutnicks" because Lenny was the first one of these regular people back in 1982.

Finally, this particular State of the Union is even more cool because it is the first time a female has welcomed the President as Speaker of the House. And she even got her own standing ovation. That's just awesome.

I'll talk more about the specifics of the speech in a later post but when you see what happens on this night you just have to smile and give props to this great country we live in.

Oh Dear...

2007-01-21T20:03:00.000-08:00

An alarming chain of events is unfolding, or has unfolded at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Ft. Worth. I won't go into all the details here as that has been done more succinctly than I could ever hope to do, but I will hit the highlights. In 2002 Sheri Klouda was hired as a Professor of Hebrew in the seminary's School of Theology. Since that time she been praised by students and colleagues as a fine academician and teacher. In addition to that she has been published several times over. Nevertheless she was refused tenure when the time came, saw her class load reduced to nothing, and so was eventually forced out by the administration of the seminary.

Based on the history I've seen the only thing you can fault Dr. Klouda for is her timing. She had the misfortune of being unanimously approved for hire by the trustees of the seminary a year before Paige Patterson was elected as president. Despite his assurances to the contrary it seems that it has been his mission from the beginning to get rid of Klouda and to free the School of Theology from the "taint" of having women serve in the role of professor. In his estimation it is unscriptural for a woman to teach a man and so not befitting the seminary to have a female serve as a professor in this particular school. True, there are other women faculty at Southwestern, but none teaching theology.

I take major issue with President Patterson over this situation. True, no professor is ever guaranteed tenure, that is the nature of working in an institution of higher learning. Nevertheless, there is no attempt to shift the blame of her not receiving tenure to anything other than her gender. So then a person who was unanimously approved for a position by the trustees of the institution finds herself out of a job, not because of the quality of her work, but because God, in his infinite foreknowledge made her a woman.

Wade Burleson does a great job of laying out the history and the facts of the case. He also does a fine job of exegeting Scripture in looking into the issue of women teaching men and serving in positions of leadership inside and outside of the Church. While others have chimed in, I link solely to his blog as he has proven himself to be a seeker of facts, unwilling to bend to the political machine that is the SBC. You can follow the trail from there.

Paige, as quoted in a Baptist Press article, uses I Timothy 2:12 in relaying his belief about the diminished role of women in the church (not that he would refer to it like that). Wade does a great job of pointing out the inability to be absolute in our understanding of that passage as it is built on a word from the Greek (authority) that is not found in any classical Greek or literature of the day. In other words we are merely interpreting here and cannot say with absolute certainty what Paul was saying when he said that women must not teach or have authority over a man. It certainly opens a door for the possibility that his instruction was contextual and not universal.

Second, Paige goes on to say that the highest calling of a woman is as mother and grandmother. I have to say that this is quite alarming. What does that say to the many women who will never be married or to those will not ever be able to have children? What is the purpose of their lives? Better yet, what of those who are not yet mothers and grandmothers? Are they simply biding their time because they cannot know their true purpose until then? I'm sure Paige would say I'm putting words in his mouth or exaggerating his statement but what I'm doing is asking logical questions based on the statements. And I wonder where he can find the Scripture to back up what he's saying. The truth is that the New Testament is full of stories of women serving valuable roles in the ministry of Jesus and in the early church. They didn't just sit at home and raise the kids. They engaged the culture in ministry, teaching and serving for the cause of the Christ.

I think I'm alarmed by this turn of events because I consider myself blessed to have known some pretty incredible women in my life. When he talks of women as second classes citizens in the hierarchy of the Church I think first of my own wife, incredibly gifted with wisdom and leadership abilities. I think of other women I've known like Kim and Natalie and Rachel and Rikki and Alicia and Pam. The names may mean nothing to you but to me they represent women of wisdom who have each taught me quite a lot and even provided leadership in my life...God forbid. I also think of some of the women who came through my ministry as teenagers. They were young women at the time but even then it was easy to see the anointing God had placed on them, girls like Rachel and Holly and Julie and Becca and Ashley and Beth Ann. They were leaders in our group then and they are a value to the church, whether they ever get married and have children or not.

I have to scratch my head in wonder at a God who empowers and equips such people and then holds back their abilities to serve because it violates the order of things. Why give them such great skills of leadership and never let them use it in the most significant entity on the planet? The truth is that the Church speaks out of both sides of her mouth on this issue. We speak of proper roles for men and women and yet seem perfectly fine to let the wives/moms wear the spiritual pants in the family. If they weren't around imagine the condition our already battered families and churches would be in.

I'm open to a healthy debate of these things but when men begin to speak in absolute terms as if their interpretation is the be-all end-all I begin to wonder if healthy debate is even possible. I've mentioned this before but for far too long we've had all the answers in the church. We know, absolutely, the correct interpretation of every passage. Our systematic theology is as inerrant as the Word of God itself. The powers that be have effectively said, "There's our side and the wrong side, which side are you on?" It's time to take a fresh look at Scripture, specifically on this issue, and ask some hard questions.

What instruction of the New Testament is contextual and what is universal? Why does God seem to so equip these women if having them use their gifts is sinful? How much of what we believe is really just the effects of thousands of years of living in a male-dominated culture? How relevant will a church be that doesn't allow women into positions of leadership when we see them leading so often in secular society?

I'm sorry this post has been so scattered. I wanted to get something down before the moment passed but haven't really been able to fully think through everything. I just have so many questions...and so much doubt about the state of the Church I've always known.

Ch-ch-changes

2007-01-21T19:35:00.000-08:00

I'm trying hard to break out of the funk I wrote about a few weeks back. In some ways I'm getting there, in other ways I'm still mired in the muck. I mentioned back then that one of the main reasons for being stuck in the rut was there was a lot up in the air. I wasn't very specific then but now I can be just a little more.

First, back in November my wife and I became apartment-dwellers again. We hadn't lived in an apartment since our first year of marriage and the transition back was difficult, especially in light of the fact that this apartment was in a college town, which always drops the median age (and maturity) by a decade or two. Generally speaking the place is nice but we have missed our house, our home. We built that one from the ground up (well not personally but you get the idea). We picked out the colors, chose the floor plan, and added in all the features that we wanted. Many times we got frustrated because our house was less than perfect, but in the end we were sad to say good-bye as it was truly ours. Nevertheless, convenience and logic dictated that we sell it and move to Norman so my wife could be closer to school as being a PhD student demands all of your time, usually in random chunks that make it hard to commute such a distance.

So we made the move. However, apartment life is difficult to return to when you've had your own house. You give up your garage, your privacy, your peace, and so much more. At the time an apartment seemed best as we weren't sure what the future held for us and we were fearful of making a long-term commitment in Norman. But in the past few weeks we've gotten a peace about finding a house. I'll save the details for you, whether its buying or renting, timing, location, and all that stuff but the point is that there is a sense of resolution now regarding making Norman our home and I think that makes both of us breathe a little easier.

Another major holding pattern going on in life had to do with my job. For the past year I've worked at a small/medium sized state agency as their Network Administrator. I have enjoyed my time there and it was good therapy following my season in ministry but it felt like it was time for a change. Computer work is something I've been good at, which is nice because it pays pretty well, but it's not exactly a passion of mine and I spend my time doing it usually to pay the bills. That's a difficult thing when you're trying hard to not get caught in the cycle of just doing a job for the money, which could easily have become the case there. Add to that my commute, literally from the far south side of Norman to the north side of OKC and the time for change seemed to be quickly upon me. Fortunately an opportunity opened up at OU and so in two weeks I will begin a new position there. It's strange how things worked out. I didn't seek the position and yet as I learned more about the job I began to see it as something I could get passionate about. It is still in the IT realm, but it is much less hands-on technical support and more management. I will be overseeing all the student labs on campus. I've yet to see a single one but they tell me there are about 100 of them, ranging in size and scope. I'll be supervising all the lab employees which will be a great experience for me and will give me the chance to work with students again. The IT department in the process of trying to re-think their computer labs and work to make them fresh and exciting and visioneering is definitely a passion of mine. OU is one of the Top-10 wired campuses in the country and was ranked on the list of the top 100 places to work in IT in the business world so the environment is awesome. And so I'm very, very excited about this new work that I'll be doing. I'm sad to leave the wonderful people I've worked with. You couldn't ask for better co-workers, but in the end this will be a good change.

So as you can see, some major life "stuff" has now been settled and that helps to stir me from my funk. We'll see what comes from here.

Peace
-Paul

Who to Root For?

2007-01-21T19:21:00.000-08:00

Well I'm wrestling through the quandary of trying to figure out who to root for in the Super Bowl in two weeks. Both teams I care about have now officially been eliminated. Dallas was officially eliminated when they lost to Seattle in the first week of the playoffs. They were effectively eliminated back on December 10th when they were embarrassed by the Saints at home 42-17 and shown to be the pretenders that they were. And just now my other team, the New England Patriots, were eliminated by the Indianapolis Colts. So now we have the Bears vs. the Colts, two teams that haven't been in the big game in a very long time. This is exciting as a major barrier has been shattered as not only will this be the first Super Bowl featuring a black head coach, it will feature two. How incredibly cool is that?

Indy should be the favorite when the lines come out (as if they haven't already). Manning is in a class all by himself, especially when put next to Rex Grossman. The Bears have a stout defense and feature several former Sooner stars. Both coaches are quality guys and good friends and both teams bring with them a storied history. I hate to go with the favorite but in the end I think I'll root for the Colts. It seems like Manning has just missed out at every turn in his career and it would be cool to see him win one. Add to that the fact that Dungy got dumped on by the Bucs after raising that team from the dregs of the NFL and he's had a rough year, losing his son. I'm a softy so call me a Colts fan for the next two weeks.

Indy - 33
Chicago - 20

Breaking the Silence

2007-01-05T11:40:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since anything has been posted here, an even longer time since anything of value has been written, some might say. I'd like to be able to say that it's because I've been really busy, which is probably partially true, but what is also true is that you take time for things that are important and if saying something here had been important then I would have made the time to say it. In actuality I haven't posted here because I haven't really had anything to say. I mean, there have been points along the way where a stray thought of posting has come, but in general nothing compelling enough to block out the necessary time for pondering, penning, and editing that is required.

The sad thing is that being busy is what usually sparks the creative juices but that just hasn't happened this time and I've resigned myself to the realization that I'm in a funk. I'm apathetic to the core, which is very unlike me. Usually, even when I'm apathetic I'm passionately apathetic (if that can be). I'm restless and uncomfortable in my apathy. However, this time I've settled in and now I'm really just wallowing in it.

Probably a major reason for the apathy is that I've been in transition for awhile. In the past several months the wife has started her PhD program, started a new job, we sold our house and became apartment dwellers again, been through some medical issues for myself, and other upheaval has struck with members of my family and remains in limbo. I hate transition. I like things to be done. There are two places where I find great delight, the imagination of new things and the completion of them. The process in between is a difficult place for me evidenced by the fact that I tend to rush changes and force things so that I can get from one place of great delight to the other as quickly as possible. So...the extended cliffhangers of life have me running for my protective shell. Well, at the very least, I have a learning opportunity here and maybe there'll be some important lessons for this thick-headed, muck-wallowing person that I am.

I just thought I would give you a little heads up on where I'm at. Transparency is good for the soul...or the ratings if you're in politics or Hollywood I hear. I leave you with two of my New Year's resolutions.

Three paper towels instead of four. Every day at work when I wash my hands after using the restroom I pull four paper towels out of the dispenser (yes I wash my hands, I'm sure you're relieved to know). Starting today I'm giving it a go with only three. It's a challenge. Four is the perfect amount. Three can leave your hands damp and five is just excessive. Nevertheless, feeling the need to do my part for the environment I am attempting to get the job done with three. It may cause me to have to stand idle in the bathroom longer which could lead to more awkward conversations (see previous post) but it's a price worth paying.
Drink more green tea. The stuff is amazing. I don't really know what exists inside the little baggy but apparently whatever it is has been revealed to increase the length of your life. That's really important for people like me who've spent the last few months in a funk. At least if I drink more green tea then that's less time wasted on self-indulgent pity, right? Don't you just love the way my brain works?

With that, happy new year! I wish the best to each and every one of you. "Even me?", you ask. Yes, even you.

Confession

2006-11-22T07:55:00.000-08:00

Sometimes confession is a private thing, sometimes a public thing. I believe that in this situation public confession is required. You see, I have a problem, and I need help and accountability for that problem. I need you, my brothers and sisters, to walk me through this difficult [holiday] season of my life. So here is my confession.

Many are the stresses and pressures in a person's life. The burden to perform and to succeed is so great that it often leads us to make poor choices. While not making excuses for my actions I do feel it necessary to lay blame at the feet of a liberally biased media as others in need of confession have also done in recent days. Certain persons in said media have felt it necessary to begin playing Christmas music already. In fact, some stations have begun pumping out the holiday cheer 24/7. This is obviously a gross aberration and completely inexcusable. Their glorification of one holiday over another is so devastating and it is certainly the lesser holidays such as Thanksgiving that suffer most.

Add to that the fact that it is impossible to walk into any commercial establishment on the planet and not be overcome by red and green and silver bells and all that stuff and it is no wonder that I have found myself in the situation I am in today.

And so here is my confession...I have spent the entire morning listening to Christmas music. It started off innocently enough. An accidental brush of the radio led to the self-proclaimed local Christmas station where I paused a little too long. The next thing you know I'm rationalizing as any addict would. It would just be one song. Nobody would even know. Oh, but the next one is so good too and soon I can't stop. And now I have given in fully to this vice. I'm sitting here in my song-induced stupor. So much so that I'm swaying as Bing sings about that Holy Night right this very minute. I know how this will hurt those around me. I know that soon all this holiday cheer will make me irritable and unapproachable. I know that a month from now I'll be drowning in a sea of over-played, beat into the ground Christmas music, and yet I can't stop. Eleven months of Christmas-music sobriety is down the tubes just like that.

So...please keep my family and friends in your thoughts as we walk through this difficult time together. I will be seeking immediate intervention as I attempt to break the stranglehold of consumerism I find myself in. But until that time, Deck the Halls and Ring those Bells and Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow!

Oh...One More Thing

2006-11-06T14:11:00.000-08:00

I've got one more to add to the list from earlier. Can someone explain to me exactly how it is that the existence of gay marriage is a threat to the religious liberty of Christians? I've heard that thrown around A LOT this election season and never with any real explanation as to how that works. I think it would actually be much easier to make a case for the reverse, that outlawing gay marriage is a threat to the religious liberties of others, but I can't figure out how the decisions of individuals within a society can effect my religious liberty in such a way as they describe it. Actually, I could make a case for it but I sure hope it's not the case that those who use that line are trying to make. I mean, I suppose that if a key tenet of my religion was to forcefully impose my beliefs on others, regardless of their own personal beliefs or convictions, then allowing gay marriage could cause me problems. However, since we wrestle not against flesh and blood and since the weapons of our warfare are not physical then I don't see any logic to what they are saying. Unfortunately way too many people just sit and soak it up and regurgitate it to others without any real thought to if it actually makes any sense.

Some Things I Don't Understand

2006-11-06T08:44:00.000-08:00

Well I've been on quite the sabbatical from the blogosphere. It's one part busy schedule and one part apathy that have kept me from blogging but I am working diligently to get back at it. I have been trying to post this particular blog for a few weeks now as it has been heavy on my mind. I have to post it today because it will be outdated after tomorrow's elections.

Having watched this particular political process unfold I have come across some things that I don't really understand as it relates to Christians and our rationale for choosing political candidates and for taking particular stances. I just wanted to throw a few out there and see if anyone else can explain how we justify those things that we support.

I've heard it said many times over the years that our current president is a "godly" man. I assume, by referring to him as godly people mean that he exhibits characteristics of Christ in his life, and particularly in his presidency. While I'm not close enough to critique his private life, I can certainly see things in his presidency that raise red flags. For example, last month he signed a bill into law that allows him to personally authorize torture in order to ascertain information he believes necessary to maintain national security. Now, torture in an of itself is not a particularly Christ-like characteristic and I don't know how we reconcile of view of a president as godly and his very vocal support regarding the need for such a law. Furthermore, the extent of this law is so far reaching that any "non-citizen" can be held indefinitely, coerced to share information that they might not even have, and then have absolutely no means of relief from such treatment. They don't have to be terrorists, they don't even have to know terrorists. So, while accomplishing some good in the area of national security, this law also allows for the potential torture of innocent people. Furthermore, the law is retro-active, which is only necessary if we, as a country, were already taking these actions prior to it being legal. So, how can we call the president a godly man as he champions such things? Where does this fit into the scheme of turning the other cheek and blessing those who curse you? How does this stand up to the litmus test of becoming a servant to all and esteeming others more highly than yourself?
Second, I'm fully convinced that political party trumps all else when it comes to Christians picking a candidate and I don't understand why that is. Within our own state we have a governor who has successfully led the state through the worst budget crisis in history, worked in a bipartisan way to enact the largest tax cuts in state history, and worked to bring teacher pay to the regional average in order to stop the hemorrhaging of quality educators to other states that has been going on for years. Beyond that he's an active member of the First Baptist Church of Shawnee, a Sunday school teacher, and a deacon. His opponent has continually supported the president in racking up HUGE budget deficits at the national level (despite calling himself a fiscal conservative) and voted to allow the president to authorize torture. What about his religious background? He is a practicing member of the LDS church. While not passing judgment on him myself I have been a Southern Baptist my whole life and I grew up being taught that his church got lumped into the category of cults. Southern Baptists consider the Mormon faith to be aberrant and non-Christian. So, they can't worship with this guy, they can't spend eternity with this guy, and yet he's the prime pick of Christians all across the state to effectively lead us. And why is that? Simply because he's a Republican. That bugs me. I don't understand how we can make Christian and conservative mean the same thing. I don't understand why all else is irrelevant in picking a candidate. I got my weekly letter from Jerry Falwell the other day, basically attempting to challenge, shame, and guilt me into heading to the polls tomorrow and vote for the Conservative Republican candidate who so closely shares my values. No talk of specific issues, just a blanket endorsement of every candidate with the Republican party affiliation. When and why did that become the only issue?
Finally, I'm sure many of you share my great distress over the level of negative campaigning that everyone seems to be doing. I saw that negative ad spending outweighs positive spending by a 2 to 1 margin. Unfortunately, I've seen several examples of candidates who play the Christian cards being the worst offenders. Being critical of a person's public actions is one thing, ripping their private lives apart so that you can get elected is quite another. Beyond that, candidates are taking all kinds of opportunities to distort the facts or to knowingly and willfully misrepresent the truth so that it paints the opposing candidate in a bad light. There were several examples of that yesterday on Meet the Press. How can Christians justify doing such things? It would seem that they believe the need to win overrules the need to treat your opponent with dignity and honor.

Well...there is still a great deal more that I don't understand, but I'll just leave it at these few for now. If you're out there and you've got any insight feel free to share them. Sadly, I am counting down the minutes to when this political season is over. I don't know how much more of this I can take. The media is hyping up this stuff up to make it a battle of the ages (it's the only way to get the ratings up in a non-presidential year). If you believe what they tell you then the eternal fate of our country hangs in the balance!! Somehow I doubt it's quite that important.

What I Was Saying, Only NOT

2006-10-09T15:58:00.000-07:00

The New York Times posted an article last Friday entitled, "Evangelicals Fear the Loss of their Teenagers." In some ways it's exactly the things I've been saying for awhile. In other ways it's completely different. The point of the story is that high-profile mainstream evangelical leaders such as Ron Luce, Jerry Falwell, Ted Haggard, and others are starting to flip out over the fact that teenagers are not sticking with the church. In fact, they've carried the data to extremes, proclaiming the number of those sticking around to being about 4% or soon approaching that number. Of course, this sends them into panic mode, or at least the appearance of panic mode.

I think that they have a somewhat convoluted purpose in their latest crusade. The best medicine for pushing people of apathy into action is to astronomically raise the level of fear and guilt. This isn't just an evangelical thing. At the very least its a western mindset. For further proof just look at things like anthrax scares, hurricanes, and the like. But I would contend that no group on the planet is better at pushing that button than evangelical preachers. And I think in this case they are using fear and guilt to stir up the people to do "something" to keep their teens. However, I'm not so sure these churches and church leaders are quite ready for action.

A few things, I think, are important to note. First, their 4% (or some say 5%) numbers are COMPLETELY out-dated, and unsubstantiated. It's an exaggeration for the sake of striking fear into people. That may seem odd, coming from me, as I've been saying for awhile that the church is losing a generation. However, it is important to be accurate and honest in our evaluation and NOT go to extremes or jump to conclusions just to get people's attentions or stir them to action. I think what you would get in that situation is a bunch of people running around trying to do something, without really a clue of what needs to be done. Fear and guilt aren't always so interested in what action is being taken, only that action is being taken. That way consciences are soothed.

Second, one thing that is important to note in regard to this issue is that attendance in church youth groups is at an all time high in our country. So, if there's a problem it's not just going to be solved by going out and getting more people in the doors. We've got more people now than ever before. Perhaps instead of a solution, could that, maybe, be part of the problem? Additionally, the exodus can't just be blamed on the current culture. That's an easy place to point the finger, but the fact that we're having kids show up in droves sort of blows that one out of the water.

Another important issue of note, and this statistic is far more substantiated, is that teenagers are generally considered MORE spiritual now than they have been in the past. True, their commitment in spirituality isn't always directed towards the church, yet their spiritual depth and awareness has actually increased in a lot of ways. Many are feeding their spiritual lives OUTSIDE the walls of the church. And that's important because the main focus of blame is often directed towards an "increasingly secular society," which I mentioned above. In the estimation of many, a secular society is pushing teens away from God and the Church. Unfortunately the previously noted points seem to contradict that. It seems rather than pushing them away it might possibly be causing them to seek him out in a new and unfamiliar way. This can't be said for certain, but the data that points to this possibility needs to be examined.

Finally, and this is the one that I think deserves some very serious consideration. Why do evangelical churches think they are the solution to the problem? Their approach to the whole situation could be seen as pretty arrogant. Number one, they don't really blame themselves for the most part. It's the secular culture coupled with apathetic parents, or just society at large. Sure, there is some blame to be had, but it "seems like" the blame is leading towards finding a better marketing niche, rather than leading to a true repentance and honest evaluation. I mean, perhaps I'm naive but it seems to me that a secular culture is always going to be secular. The world is going to continually be pulling at ALL of us. It's something that's always been around and always will. Perhaps it's not that the culture is becoming too strong. Perhaps it is that we are not adequately preparing or reaching students so that even in the midst of a secular culture they are living out the message of Christ.

Number two, they seem to just assume that some action on their part will solve the problem. Could it be that this isn't actually the case? Perhaps God is doing something different. Perhaps this isn't an opportunity for the mainstream churches to fix a problem, perhaps it's a time for them to look around, ask what God is doing, and ask how they should adapt and get involve in a new work. I know that's scary work for pastors to do because it might just mean the loss of job security and a healthy nest egg. It might mean the dismantling of denominational hierarchies. It might mean the relinquishing of the power and prestige currently associated with the guy standing in the pulpit. But if we're serious about really doing something then it's going to have to begin with an honest evaluation and NOT just some fiery sermon meant to scare the complacent troops into action. Just a thought.

**I use the term "secular culture" in this article as referred to by many in evangelical circles. However, I am very cautious about putting the labels "secular" or "Christian" on things, just because I think it fosters a delineation that isn't necessarily meant to be there. Another thought worthy of discussion.

The Gospel as Clear as I've Ever Seen It

2006-10-06T06:35:00.000-07:00

There is so much going on these days that it's hard to pick and choose exactly what to blog about. However, there is one blog I've been wanting to write for the past few days and I'm afraid that if I put it off any longer then it will just end up as a thought worth sharing that never got shared. I'm not the first to blog about this and I hope I'm not the last, but I wanted to be sure and share what I believe to be one of the most incredible displays of the lovingkindness of Christ ever given on such a public stage.

This week's attack by a deranged man on a group of innocent Amish students is beyond tragic. You could not find a more glaring contrast than the murderous rage of one man and the peace and compassion of another. This man's attempt to ease the grudge he had apparently been carrying for 20 years provided a backdrop to perhaps one of the clearest depictions of the teachings of Christ that I have ever witnessed. It is so clear, in fact, that it transcends all sorts of social barriers. Who could not be moved to hear that these devoted followers of Christ are, in their own time of great need, making a point to minister to the widow and children of the very one who murdered their children? Who can not be brought to tears to hear of the grandfather teaching a group of boys about the unconditional love of Christ by saying that they can not think evil of this man as they stand over the life-less body of a little girl?

The Amish are a different lot. They go to measures that many of us would consider extreme and unecessary in their devotion to God. How fitting that in this age of vengeance and proportional responses their actions of love and forgiveness also seem extreme. Surely anyone would understand their desire for retribution. Surely anyone could understand their anger and resentment. And yet they believed the one who commanded us to turn the other cheek and to bless those who persecute us. They believe him so completely that even in the face of their greatest loss they hold tightly to the promise that as they mourn they will be comforted.

Not only does their message demonstrate the love of Christ to a watching world, it also serves as a challenge to believers who don't want to admit that they've allowed the teachings of this world to mingle with the true message of Christ. I sit here today with burning coals on my head because I know that many times I have reached the end of my forgiveness. I have been hurt too much to let it go. My love has a limit or a price tag and I've rationalized withholding it from those who have wounded me. This morning I hear the teachings of the savior anew as he calls me to take the heart of a servant and consider others as more esteemed than myself. I hear him calling me to let go of my grudges and my anger and my resentment and to put on love. I can think of no greater testimony to these dear children and their families than to follow them as they have followed Christ and obey.

5 Years...Wow...

2006-10-05T06:26:00.000-07:00

Has it really been five years? Surely it hasn't been five years. It seems like it was only yesterday, but it's true. Five years ago today I got to marry the most incredible, wonderful, beautiful person in the world. You all were probably there since it was the event of the century. Heck, half of you were probably in the wedding party. I didn't know I had so many friends.

Anyway, these past five years have been absolutely incredible. At times I think that the events of life would have been unbearable without my wonderful wife standing there beside me. I know you may find this hard to believe but I am far, far from perfect. My wife patiently puts up with my melancholy mood swings, my martyr complexes, and my just plain goofiness, and she does it all with a smile.

So I just wanted you guys to know how lucky I am. Marriage isn't always easy but it's definitely worth it if you find the right person. I've found that right person and I'm looking forward to another 55 years just as great as these first five.

What's Next?

2006-10-05T05:42:00.000-07:00

That's a great question. In honor of their fiftieth anniversary, Christianity Today is doing a series on what the next fifty years of ministry holds for the Church. One part of the series is focused on what is next in the area of youth ministry. They poll several major players in the field of youth ministry to get an idea of where things are at and where they need to go from here.

Those questioned include Mark Oestreicher, Chap Clark, Walt Mueller, Kenda Creasy Dean, Ron Luce, and others. That's a pretty impressive list. There are a lot of years of youth ministry and youth ministry training in that collective group. Not surprisingly the general consensus is that as we continue to do the same things in youth ministry that we've been doing for decades we are seeing it be less and less impacting in the long term. The chasm between being active in youth ministry and then being active in the church as adults is growing. Some snippets of the series are available online here. I just wanted to post a few select quotes because I believe their words give credence to fears that I've had related to youth ministry.

"[These] kids seem happy and willing to attend, and engaged in our ministries, but five years from now, when they're in college or post-college, they just really aren't connecting with real faith, let alone church."

"We have treated kids as a separate species, which has had the effect of marginalizing them in church life." The result is that older teens and young adults may have trouble feeling connected to the larger church.

Walt Mueller, president of the Pennsylvania-based Center for Parent-Youth Understanding, said evangelicalism's theology of conversion contributes to the problem. "What we judge as success is a high number of hands that go up when the invitation is issued, or a high number of feet that walk forward."

Like I said, pretty common thread running through those thoughts. We are creating a subculture within the Church. We are so marginalizing teenagers that when they get into their twenties the only way we can continue to get them active in church is just to create a new one that caters specifically to them.

I wonder if a major part of the problem is the "instant" culture we live in. As youth pastors and youth workers we measure our success in the here and now. If I have a growing group that's a success. If my kids are getting involved in mission and service related projects that's a success. If they are learning the Bible that's a success. The problem is that they're doing all these things isolated from the overall Body of the Church and they have absolutely no understanding of how they fit into that Body or how to engage it when left to themselves after high school. Because we see ourselves as successful in the short-term we don't see ourselves as a factor in causing the problem whenever these kids graduate. We just write it off as an increasingly irrelevant church, never realizing that our isolation mentality is leading to the problem.

And so what is our typical solution? It's starting a 20-something Saturday night service, meant to be hip and cool or a new seeker-sensitive mega-church popping up in our area. But those things doesn't solve the problem, they just put a Band-Aid on it. They re-affirm the isolation of groups and segments within the Church. Somehow we've got to re-invent things so that 65 year olds can be actively engaged in church with 25 year olds. We need to teach these groups how to relate to one another and learn from one another. We as youth workers need to come clean and admit that "success" must be measured in the long run and if our students aren't active in their churches and in their faith 5 and 10 years down the road then it doesn't matter how many great experiences they had as teenagers. Until we do that we will just continue to perpetuate the problem.

Honestly, the thought of this sort of change is terrifying to me. I have absolutely no clue how to see these things happen because all I've ever known is the failed system. In fact I know it so well that as someone who is no longer engaged in full-time vocational ministry I have the same problem of connecting and finding my place in the Body as other 20-somethings currently do. And as I wrestle through all of it right now my heart goes out to all the students that I've ministered to over the years because I know how inadequately I prepared them to be engaged in the Church as adults. And what's really sad is that I know how incredible those students are and were and how much the Church is missing because of their lack of involvement.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just beating a dead horse and I wonder how long I should keep talking about this. I guess I talk about it because I'm tired of being a part of the problem and want desperately to be a part of the solution. I just wish I knew how to do that.

Bathroom Thoughts

2006-10-04T11:26:00.000-07:00

They recently added a new scent to the bathroom at work. As soon as you hit the door you are overcome by this fruity, cherry smell. It's a little disconcerting, to say the least. I mean, a bathroom should certainly not smell so bad that you don't want to go in there but in the same way it shouldn't smell so good that you do want to go in there. It's just too great a temptation, especially around lunch time. Now how weird is that?

Speaking of the bathroom, I had one of those great moments in bathroom history last week. By great I mean awkward of course. I had been in the bathroom and was at the stage where I was going to wash my hands. As I was making my way to the sink one of our fine higher-ups came in the door and went to go do his, um, business. Anyway, he starts talking to me. Now, I'm not into that sort of thing but I can be at least a little tolerant. Quick and witty banter is acceptable. Just don't hinder me from my escape out the door. Unfortunately, on this particular day quick and witty banter just wasn't enough. This person was having some computer issues and since I'm the tech guy he was recounting his trials and travails to me.

Now, a couple of things make this really awkward. Number one, we're not alone. There is another person in the bathroom who hears everything we say. Talk about stress! I don't want to be branded as a bathroom conversationalist. I don't want to be that guy! I've cultivated my private bathroom persona through years of avoiding eye-contact and giving mono-syllabic answers resembling grunts! Now, in a matter of minutes he's wiping all that out!

Number two, I'm done with my bathroom usage. At this point I've washed my hands. I'm just standing there while he's using the bathroom. And of course, it's taking him about 10 minutes to get out what he's trying to say. All the while I just stand there wondering what the heck I'm supposed to do! How stupid do I look!?!? And then, fate of all fates, somebody else walks in! Now I really look like a nut job. I'm not just a bathroom conversationalist, now I'm a bathroom stalker or something. I hunt people down in the restrooms for power meetings and tech support calls. I've taken multi-tasking to a whole new level.

Anyway, I did as much damage control as I could, staring at the wall, being my helpful and cheery self but making sure I looked completely uncomfortable in the process that way anyone who saw me would know I was a captive audience and a miserable one at that. I think there was even a tear and some drops of blood pouring from my brow for theatrical effect. Fortunately he eventually finished right before I was about to fake a heart attack so I was spared further embarrassment.

Anyway, somebody needs to inform people of the rules of bathroom etiquette. Maybe there should be a list posted in front of the urinals. Something in really big letters that says, FOR GOODNESS SAKES, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!

Okay, I've said all I need to say.

SOF/POM Struggles

2006-10-03T11:09:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting here on my lunch break today, eating the quality leftovers from Sunday evening's meal and I'm trying to work on a project. I'm trying to formulate some ideas regarding my personal statement of faith and philosophy of ministry. Can I just say how difficult that is? First, I've written at least three of these in the past and I would venture to say that those three particular papers have no more value today than to provide kindling for a fire to keep us warm should we ever neglect to pay our electric bill. That is because they represent so little of my current statement of faith. I've got the one from the purpose-driven, seeker-sensitive days, the one from the fundamentalist puritanical days, and the one from the Elijah complex days (Only I am left, all the others have bowed to Baal, poor, pititful me, etc). I have a feeling that the one I would write today would be the post-evangelical, post-Christian, anti-establishment, mad at the world version. And I'm equally sure that I'll think differently about a lot of things five years from now.

So I think this time I'll put a disclaimer at the bottom. Something like: **This Statement of Faith/Philosophy of Ministry is subject to change frequently and dramatically. The views expressed in this paper do not necessarily represent the views of the author or his home church and denomination. Oh, and of course, it would have to say "Any rebroadcast, re-transmission, or other use of this post, without the express written consent of Major League Baseball is strictly prohibited."

The other reason why I groan at the thought of doing this sort of thing is because I'm an incredibly pathetic writer. In comparison to the writing skills of my wife and my friend Eggroll Mama I am a featherweight. I don't know if it is because my brain moves too fast or what but I have a hard time taking the things that are in my head and putting them down in print. I know it is important because the written word has a lot better chance of surviving nuclear holocaust than does the VCR and DVD player and I want my ideas to outlive me. And so I am struggling today to write out my thoughts so that if anyone should ever pool my ravings during the various stages of my life they can say, "Yep, he's nuts, just like we thought." Speaking of which, is it sacrilegious if I actually write about the essential value of Starbucks in my evangelism section?

Random Thoughts

2006-10-03T06:03:00.000-07:00

There are several things I've been wanting to blog about lately but I just haven't had the time or mental energy. There are at least a few things I wanted to throw out there though so this is my collection of random blog thoughts:

Sheesh, what a hard week for students. Three deadly shootings within a matter of days. And as if that's not enough they involve abuse and mental torture. My heart is in agony for families across the nation today who are feeling loss. And I just wonder what in the world is going on??

Thought number two, I repent. What am I repenting for, you ask? I'm repenting for my ignorance while doing ministry. Before I was in full time ministry I worked in "the real world" for five years. I'm not sure if I was sheltered during that time or if I learned this lesson and then forgot it but living life is hard. The whole time I was in ministry I was disappointed at what I felt was an apathetic attitude and self-centeredness that kept parents and students from giving more of their time and energy to our ministry. I always felt like church was the lowest priority for people. The truth is, 8-5 is hard. Getting all the necessary stuff done at home is hard. Juggling obligations can be daunting. And when you do have free time, what you really want is to relax and unwind with friends, not head to a service where you're going to get beat over the head by some young youth pastor who doesn't have a clue about what you're going through and won't take the time to learn. So for that I'm truly sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't seek to understand where you were coming from before I judged you. I'm sorry that I wasn't grateful for what you gave because I was so consumed by wanting more from you.

Thought number three...the November election and the main thing. A pretty important mid-term election is just around the corner. I can't say for sure what the Republican higher-ups are thinking in the way of strategy but just taking stock of recent news, blogs, and talk it has seemed to be like homosexuality would be the banner cause for the final months. What better issue to use to garner last minute support than this? It apparently threatens to destroy our families and the very moral fabric of our society. It will rally the base and get them to the polls if they believe for a minute that a Democratically controlled House or Senate will lead to more equitable rights for this group of society. Anyway, it just seems like this was the horse they wanted to ride. It might have blown up in their face this past week in light of the scandal involving Rep. Foley and several young pages. But really that's not my point. I wanted to comment on a particular piece of literature I came across last week. It was a simple tract for parents that showed them how to properly deal with the advance of homosexuality within the schools of our country. There was a lot wrong with the article but in particular one point that they made very clear was that your student should absolutely not be friends with a homosexual. They can be acquainted, but nothing more. I'm just imaging the situation when a friend gains the courage to talk to someone about thoughts and feelings they've been having that make them feel different or alienate them. They choose to open up to your student because of their life-long friendship. According to this article, what is the proper approach? Apparently the only sane response is the ending of the friendship. Something about that just doesn't seem right. And I have to wonder what Jesus, the friend of sinners, would do.

So there are some random thoughts. Sorry it's been so long since I last posted. I have more to share and hopefully I can collect my thoughts more quickly.

Remember Darfur

2006-09-16T10:42:00.000-07:00

When the best option is rape you know that something is terribly wrong. What has happened and continues to happen in Darfur is a horrible tragedy and it should make us stop and take notice. The chance for peace and redemption there is quickly fleeting as the government continues to drag their feet on allowing UN peacekeepers to enter the country.

Take a moment out of your day to read the story of one young woman who lives the nightmare each day. It's real, it's relentless, and it's happening on our watch.

What's The Point?

2006-09-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

I've been blogging off and on for about 11 months now. I started out anonymously, not telling anyone I knew that I had entered in to the online fray. My purpose at that time was a little nebulous. I was going through a lot of change and I wanted the chance to talk through some of that change and the wacky ideas that were going through my head. I wanted a place where I was forced to articulate things that could stay vague and non-committal in my mind. Over time that purpose has evolved a little bit. Even though I never made a point to pimp my blog, little by little people that knew me began to find it and even though I still have a very small audience by blogger standards, not a day goes by that I don't have 20-30 people reading my thoughts in one manifestation or another.

As that has happened and as I have become more bold in sharing the thoughts going through my head I have begun to get responses from people over the things I've written. And the responses I get have been an encouragement and in a lot of way nothing short of amazing to me. I am continually taken aback not so much that people make a point to tell me that they enjoy reading my blog but of the diverse group of people who enjoy reading it. A few months back I wrote a post that was critical of the dispensational view of eschatology (end times) and how I believed it was negatively impacting the Kingdom of Christ because of the view's unhealthy infatuation with the destruction of the world and the "get out of tribulation free" card that came with it. A friend of mine responded at one of several places that I posted the blog. When I got the automatically generated e-mail telling me he had posted a comment I was a little freaked. You see, I think he would describe himself as a dispensationalist and I was terrified that he would be hurt by my comments. I was so freaked out that I waited two days to read his comment because it took that long just to build up the courage. Being the wise and godly man that he is, rather than feeling a personal attack had come from me, he acknowledged the weaknesses of many who hold that position and mourned the affects right along with me.

I was floored. I guess I just got so used to existing in such a close-minded, "I'm right" mentality that I figured everyone I had left behind when I walked away from ministry would be there too. Obviously I was wrong. As I've reconnected with friends I haven't seen lately I am encouraged to know that many people are incredibly sincere in their desire to work out their faith with fear and trembling. They aren't threatened by strange and absurd ideas because their heart's desire is to be more like Christ and to live the way of Christ out more fully to those around them.

And that brings me to my purpose. I'm not trying to sway anyone's thinking or convince anyone of anything. I've heard some think that to be my goal. Perhaps it comes across that way sometimes because my personality is such that I speak with passion and conviction in whatever I say but that's not what I'm going for. I have at least 10 times as many questions as I do answers and every conversation I have teaches me something new. I want to dialog because that is the way I learn. And that is the purpose of this blog. I want to re-evaluate and re-examine those things which we often take for granted. I want us to do all that we can to look at the truth of Christ as it is presented in Scripture and in the world around us and try our best to remove our biases and pre-conceived ideas. I want us to talk things out. I want to hear theories and beliefs and experiences that will help us to accomplish those things.

So please, don't feel threatened by my blog. Don't believe for one minute that I'm attempting to convert you to anything. Your thoughts carry at least equal weight with mine. If you have a position, share it. If my thoughts seem uncomfortable and foreign to you, at least let them roll through your mind. Examine them from all angles and share the things that come to you during the process. In that we will all grow and become more like the one we follow.

I saw a quote today that gives great insight into something I think that those of us in the Church could stand to learn. Aristotle said, "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." The work of the Christian is the work of interpretation. In order to do that we must be able to think through things and wrestle through things. We should be able to share our questions and our thoughts without fear of being branded a heretic or of being slapped with some simplistic label that carries a stigma, such as liberal or anti-God or non-inerrantist. Let us be the Church to one another and spur one another on rather that drawing battle lines and hurling insults and accusations at each other. For any time that I've done this to anyone, I sincerely apologize. If I question you it's not because I want to diminish your position, it's because I want to hear the wrestling through experiences that have brought you to your position. I want to know why you believe as much as I want to know what you believe. Let us commit to dropping the pretense and to sharing our lives with one another so that we might better demonstrate the love of Christ to a world in desperate need. If that's what your interested in then let's make this a place where that can happen.

WikiHow - Wow!

2006-09-14T09:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, put this one in your random file because that's where it belongs. I just wanted to share this great source of useless information with you.

About a year ago I started using GMail as my primary e-mail program. Along with that I had committed to using Google as my default search engine. They have this really cool portal that allows me to store links to all my pertinent information on one page. Additionally I was able to add all kinds of new and exciting information that they made readily available to me. One of those was a little site called "wikiHow - The How-To Manual that Anyone Can Write or Edit." And as the title my lead you to believe, you can find a how-to for just about anything you want to know. Each day they feature a new how-to which broadens my skills in all sorts of areas where I am deficient. I mean where else could I go to learn how to remove a hickey and deal with jealousy all at the same time?

If that's not enough I can also learn how to overlay sectional aeronautical charts in Google Earth and draw a caveman. Love being what it is in our culture I can learn how to date a hopelessly romantic person when I am not hopelessly romantic and when that doesn't work for me I can learn how to survive a long fall or cheat a polygraph test. One that is of great importance to me of late is learning how to retire in my 30's. Nearly two-hundred thousand people have read this article that basically just tells you to work 100 hours a week and buy nothing for 15 years and then you're set. Since I've missed the boat on that one I'm going to stick to learning how to run up a wall and flip. When that's finished then I'm going to learn how to survive a freestyle rap battle.

Oh, and for those of you in trouble with the law, have no fear. I've already looked at the ones which tells me how to help a friend who gets arrested in the middle of the night and how to deal with being in prison. One suggestion I'll give you for free, use liquid soap.

Buttprints in the Sand

2006-09-06T12:19:00.000-07:00

This reflective post comes courtesy of Tom Cottar from whose site I found this poem.

Buttprints In The Sand

One night, I had a wondrous dream;
One set of footprints there was seen.
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.

But then some stranger prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?"
"Those prints are large and round and neat,
But, Lord, they are too big for feet."

"My child," He said in somber tones.
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait.

You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of-faith you would not know.
So I got tired and fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt,
Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."

NFL Predictions

2006-09-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

Well it's that time of year. Time for prognosticators who know nothing to pontificate regarding the best of the gridiron. Never one to be left out among the pontificating I am providing my thoughts regarding the upcoming NFL season. Some guesses are more educated than others. Some I feel strongly about but some are just a shot in the dark. Anyway, without further ado here are my predictions:

AFC East
1. New England - They know how to win so you've got to go with 'em.
2. Miami - Coming on strong but not quite there.
3. New York Jets - Can we get a healthy QB??
4. Buffalo - No shortage of QB's, just a shortage of NFL quality QB's.

AFC North
1. Pittsburgh - Still loaded and know how to win.
2. Cincinnati - Up and coming team, if they can keep at least 22 guys out of jail.
3. Baltimore - Yawn.
4. Cleveland - Perennial Yawn.

AFC South
1. Jacksonville - Time for a new king. Great coach, solid at key positions, what else could you ask for?
2. Indianapolis - Age starts to show, missed expectations become a burden.
3. Tennessee - Vince Young will be great, but not quite yet.
4. Houston - Passing up on Bush...Brilliant or bomb?

AFC West
1. Denver - Assuming Jake the Snake doesn't self-destruct this team could win it all.
2. San Diego - A new QB spells growing pains.
3. Kansas City - Herm goes conservative.
4. Oakland - Biding their time for Al Davis to kick it. Until then another year of bad football at rock bottom prices.

NFC East
1. Giants - If Eli plays well this team can compete with anyone.
2. Cowboys - Overrated but still good. T.O. fills distraction role Cowboys have been missing for years.
3. Washington - Can they survive without Portis?
4. Philadelphia - The best last place team in the NFL.

NFC North
1. Chicago - Smoke and mirrors, surely they aren't this good.
2. Minnesota - Better than last year's record and without the distractions.
3. Detroit - A team on the rise, if they can just get rid of Matt Millen.
4. Green Bay - A very bad football with a Hall of Fame QB who doesn't know when to quit.

NFC South
1. Carolina - The best of the NFC perhaps, if they can stay healthy.
2. Tampa Bay - Quiet but quality.
3. Atlanta - Big on expectations, always sure to disappoint. How many games will Vick play?
4. New Orleans - Still too much to overcome, but moving in the right direction.

NFC West
1. Seattle - They can mail it in, they're far and away the best in this division.
2. Arizona - I'm getting on the bandwagon and believing the hype.
3. St. Louis - Quietly fading away.
4. San Francisco - Still a long, long way to go.

AFC Championship Game: Pittsburgh over New England
NFC Championship Game: Carolina over Seattle

Super Bowl: Carolina over Pittsburgh. This is the year for the Panthers. They were amazing last year even as they were hobbled by some of the worst injury luck in the NFL. If they stay healthy they will win it all this year. They have a great young QB, a great running back, and a solid defense.

Other random predictions:
*T.O.'s stay in Dallas will be short-lived. As will the stay of Parcell, who will retire for the 12th time after this season.
*Brett Favre's streak of consecutive starts will end this season. If injury doesn't do him in then surely shame will. Packers win no more than 5 games this season.
*Cincinnati will move their home field to the Ohio State Penitentiary out of necessity as they will not be able to field a team of 22 non-cons.
*Al Davis will outlive and outlast every other owner in the NFL, just because that's the way karma works.
*Carson Palmer and Matt Leinert will both play very, very well, paving the way for current USC QB John David Booty to be a top 5 draft pick after leading the Trojans to yet another national title.

I think that's enough for now. We'll check back in February to see just how off I was.

You've Got Mail

2006-08-26T10:10:00.000-07:00

I guess he thinks that because I paid a billion dollars to get a degree from his institution of higher education Jerry Falwell has earned the right to add me to his right-wing propaganda spam list. Every month or so I get an e-mail reminding me to be vigilant in opposing activist judges, terrorists, and people on welfare. Yesterday was my lucky day. I got the monthly edition. It's focus was completely on the 2008 election. Forget the fact that we are in 2006, with very important elections just a few months away, we're talking about 2008. I guess he wants to try and get out in front of all the bad press that comes out each day regarding the current president and his actions while in office. In light of that Jerry wanted to let me know what type of president could win the support of the evangelical vote in 2008. As if that needed to be brought up any more. We're well aware of what the evangelical community (at least that portion that gives any credence to what Falwell says) stands for and against. Nevertheless he spells it out. First, he doesn't even bother to say that it must be a Republican candidate, he just assumes that when he mentions that no Republican can win the primaries or general election without the evangelical vote. Let me just say right now that party affiliation is largely irrelevant (or at least should be) when a Christian is seeking to vote for a potential candidate. The first fatal mistake a Christian makes is assuming that just because someone is a Republican they are more qualified or more Christ-like. According to Jerry's assumptions Billy Graham would not qualify for high office simply because he is a registered Democrat. Not that I am saying that Graham is qualified, but I can't imagine anyone wanting to disqualify him on moral or affiliational grounds. The tone of the letter is predictable. First we want someone who is fiscally conservative. Well, fiscally conservative when it comes to programs that help people. We apparently want someone fiscally wreckless when it comes to the war on terror. We must be "vigilant" in the war on terror. Just put the bill on the credit card. Our grandchildren can pay for it at the same time they are trying to dig themselves out of the awful pit we got them into by continually underfunding social security and failing to find more renewable and healthy alternative fuels. Oh, and of course, he wants to build a $10 billion 2000 mile fence along the border with Mexico in order to stem the tide of those seeking hope and relief in America. I don't deny the need for immigration reform, but when it is couched in language about protecting the America "we've enjoyed" it not only sounds elitist, it sounds incredibly un-Christlike. He makes a big push for energy independence. He thinks that we should turn the gulf coast into Swiss cheese in order to bring back $1 gasoline. It was ensure national security (certainly a high priority in Scripture) and make us worry free in our consumption of non-renewable resources. He gives tepid assent to maintaining the beauty of our country but quickly writes it off as a necessary cost to using our "God-given resources" to power our indulgent culture. He doesn't speak even a word of moderation or the gluttonous attitudes of our country. And why should he? He's convinced that he'll be in glory and 20 years and it'll be someone else's problem to deal with. He can burn all the fossil fuels he wants to power his private jet and transport his goods, we certainly won't run out while he's still around.

This is just another typical example of taking complex three-dimensional issues and turning them into hot-button talking points. I'm ALL about Mr. Falwell conveying his beliefs but I want to hear reasoned arguments, not strawmen and scare-tactics. I want him to be willing to engage others in thoughtful debate, realizing that it might be possible for his mind to be changed too. But clearly that's not going to happen. So instead we get him telling us what he knows to be right, and him condemning anyone who disagrees.

If anyone feels like I misrepresented Mr. Falwell or wants to read the e-mail in it's entirety let me know. I would be happy to forward it on. I am not afraid to let you make an informed decision, as apparently some are.

And Then My World Came Crashing Down

2006-08-25T07:13:00.000-07:00

Everything was fine yesterday. It was just another normal day. There was no hint of danger or unrest in the air. In fact it was a little boring. It was just the kind of day you would expect some earth-shattering news to be dropped on you from out of nowhere and that's exactly what happened. Apparently, everything I've ever learned is now up in the air. All those fascinating facts I was taught in elementary school are to be viewed with a questioning gaze. Everything is NOT as it seems.

What, you may ask, has caused me such despair? What is it that is giving me such grief? It is nothing less than the "redaction" of Pluto. That's right, Pluto has lost it's planetary status. It has been demoted. What was a cold and barren planet yesterday is now nothing more than a cold and barren rock. I grew up with the sure knowledge that there were nine planets orbiting our sun. I can name them in my sleep (in order no less): Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto.

I honestly think this was all about towing the party line. Ya see, Pluto has always been a non-conformist. In fact it was so non-conforming that every now and then it would cut in line and become the eighth planet instead of the ninth. In the planetary realm one of these kids was doing his own thing and that just didn't go over with the powers that be. So he gets the ax. Such an unjust ending for a planet that already got dumped on as the smallest and farthest out.

This may not seem like a big deal to you but it's a HUGE deal to me. There are just some things you don't mess with. There are nine planets! Sure, you can flirt with adding more, that's fine. It's okay to add but you just can't take away. I guess the one bright spot is that I can tell my grandkids one day that "I remember when there were 9 planets..." I can tell the story of humble Pluto that used to be.

I guess it's time for a new acronym to help kids remember all the planets in order. My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas becomes My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nuts?? Who knows.

Pluto, we love you and we're going to miss you.

It's Not As Simple as It Seems

2006-08-18T08:47:00.001-07:00

This post is probably going to get me in some trouble. Actually it's probably going to get me blacklisted by some, but hey, an honest examination of Scripture is bound to cause controversy.

There are signs that the debate over abortion is about to begin anew. The face of the Supreme Court has changed and many from the Pro-Life camp see it as an opportunity to overturn Roe v. Wade. The court will hear at least one abortion related case later in the fall and it will be interesting to see what is decided. I've been thinking a lot about this subject lately and I think I have come up with some valid questions that reveal that a pro-life stance is not so cut and dry.

The foundational principle of pro-life thinking is that life begins at conception and therefore abortion is murder. The problem is that it is a stretch to claim that the Bible teaches this. I'm not saying that it isn't true, but I am saying that if it is true, then it is truth that exists beyond the scope of Scripture. Some like to use the passage in the Psalms where it talks about God forming us in the womb to show life @ conception. While painting a beautiful picture it certainly doesn't make a case for that. It could indicate that life exists in the womb but it doesn't reveal precisely when that life begins to exist. Using it in some sort of scientific way abuses the text and misses the point. Another example given is when God tells Jeremiah that he knew him before he was ever born. The problem with that is that this is more a reference to the omniscience of God and not the pre-birth existence of Jeremiah. The point is that God had established Jeremiah as a prophet before his birth. Furthermore Jeremiah was obviously born and any reference to him cannot automatically be translated to anyone "unborn."

Evangelicals are renowned for simplifying the complex. They take complicated issues and make them black and white, which is why many consider it wrong to drink or listen to "non-christian" music, or go to certain movies, etc. One thing that has come from my "awakening" is the realization that life is a lot more complicated than we like to make it and it can't be so easily fit into some mold that gives us auto-answers to what is sin and what is not. If you disagree then you're going to have to explain to me why it is wrong to kill an unborn child yet perfectly okay to let many die of starvation and neglect after birth, why it is wrong to kill an unborn child through abortion but okay when it is collateral damage incurred during a war against terrorists. You're also going to have to explain God's dealings with nations where he orders them wiped out including the children and those with child. Does that mean that God would favor selective abortion? We can kill the children of the evil but not the children of the righteous? Abortion is okay in judgment of wicked parents? See...not so simple.

My point in this diatribe isn't even about whether abortion is murder or sinful. My point is that the issue of when life begins isn't a certainty. And the problem with that is that we are asking a man-made institution to be the chief theologians when we ask the Supreme Court to determine that life begins at conception. In light of the many shades of gray, perhaps this is an issue that should be left to an individual. I sure don't want the Supreme Court creating laws based on their interpretation of Scripture. They are good, wise men and women (woman) I am sure, but perfect they are not, inherrent they are not, and I'm not sure I want such black and white decision.

For many this means that my conversion to the dark side is complete. From Republican to Democrat, conservative to liberal, and now from pro-life to pro-choice. I don't know what to say to that except that I feel my faith to be more real today than at any point in the past, my commitment to being like Christ more determined. I truly want to know Christ and live life following his example. I want to demonstrate his love to others as purely as possible. The problem is that for many I don't fit into their paradigm. They can't reconcile what I just wrote with my views on abortion and poverty and war. I guess in a black and white world with cut and dry answers the only definition many can give me is "lost."

How Many Evangelicals??

2006-08-14T08:12:00.000-07:00

How many evangelicals are dismayed today at even the slightest chance that there might be peace in the Middle East? Many evangelical leaders appear to be hoping for a doomsday scenario that eventually sees the entire region plunged into an all out war with Israel. This is because God, in his infinite weirdness, is going to swoop down just in time to collect all the good Christians, and leave the rest of the world to face hell on earth. So everyone else's doomsday is the Christians eternal vacation. Apparently that's because we as Christians are above judgment and retribution for our sins. Or maybe it's because our struggles with gluttony, lust, divorce, and the like are much less worthy of condemnation than homosexuality, flag burning, and abortion. Anyway, the point is the first atomic bomb is our ticket to paradise baby!

Probably the only ones breathing a sigh of relief today are Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins, who still have a few more novels to squeeze out in their Left Behind series which many Christians have unofficially accepted as the most accurate modern translation of Revelation. Nicaloe Carpathia is in there, trust me! As long as unrest and all out war remain just on the horizon these two guys can continue to profit from the hysteria and utter silliness that is dispensationalism.

Personally I'm not optimistic about lasting peace or even a lasting cease fire but at least people are able to consider the possibility of returning to their homes today without the fear of carrying out the bodies of their dead children as the cost. That's something that I hope all Christians can agree on. Pray for the peace of Jerusalem they say.

P.S. - In case of rapture this blog will be unmanned...haha, yeah right.

It's Worse that I Thought

2006-08-13T13:21:00.000-07:00

I’ve devoted the greater portion of my life so far to pouring into the lives of students, primarily jr. high and high school students. Post high school I spent 3 years as a volunteer youth worker, 5 years as a part time intern/assistant and 2 ½ years as a full-time youth pastor. By the time I arrived at my position as youth pastor I had developed a great level of optimism. I was convinced that I knew what it took to successfully accomplish youth ministry. I felt like I had seen some pretty good examples of how it should be done and I was ready to take that to the next level in my own ministry and really see God do some great things. Unfortunately I left youth ministry at the opposite end of the spectrum. I was discouraged and doubted everything that I had ever believed in.

All throughout my time in ministry I always had a soft spot in my heart for the outcast and unpopular. It seemed like with all the great things going on there seemed to be many that got left behind or that slipped through the cracks. I also had this continual nagging at my soul as I watched many of the “best” and “brightest” graduate from high school and seemingly disappear from the spiritual map. Nevertheless I refused to let those things distract me as I continued to make sure that I was giving my current students that all important experience or that life-changing event.

As time went on the nagging got more and more troublesome. Our ministry was doing okay, it was growing, we were getting into a groove, but something just wasn’t right. For some strange reason that I still don’t quite understand I decided to do an honest evaluation of youth ministry as I had always known it. I began to question the cardinal truths and as I did I slipped further and further into despair. I began to see the dismal statistics regarding the success of youth ministry and they became more dismal as I began to personalize it by putting faces to those statistics. I was beginning to learn that somewhere around 51% of students who graduated from high school were walking away from the Church, with no intention of returning. For the mathematically-challenged out there that’s more than half! Whatever was happening during those six years apparently failed to transcend the whole of their lives. Upon further examination I began to see more research that showed the number to be somewhere around 73% by the time these students graduated from college. Now we can talk about relevance and experience and community and all those buzzwords but if only 27% of our students are getting it then there seems to be no question in my mind that we need to try something else.

And here’s where it gets worse. I just saw an article last week that showed that the number was closer to 88%. If that is true, and I haven’t been able to fully confirm it, then only 12% of the students that we’re “reaching” are truly being reached. You have to wonder if we would do any better if we weren’t even trying!! Barely 1 out of 10 that I am investing all this energy, time, and these resources into are truly being changed in a way that affects their lives. I’m no rocket-scientist but I’ve got big red lights flashing and sirens wailing inside my head.

When I left youth ministry I told the people I was going back to school so that I could gain a voice to be able to speak to these things and that explanation was partially true. I wanted to have a voice to try and bring about change. We can’t keep doing the same things we’ve been doing for the past forty years with just a little more lights, a better band, and better coffee, and just hope and claim that it’s going to somehow be different. That’s just insane. They’re clearly not buying it.

The full truth of why I walked away from youth ministry and all ministry in general is because I’ve determined that I’m not going to keep being a part of something I believe to be the biggest farce in the Church today. I don’t know what the answer is but I know without a doubt that it’s not about a bigger, better flashier service. It’s not about more relevant teaching or a new building. We’ve been down that road and we’re failing miserably.

I admit there was a part of me during this honest soul-searching that thought, “I can do this. I can put on a cool service. We’ll make kids laugh and cry. They’ll have great experiences. We’ll take them on trips that give them warm fuzzies and use all those cool buzz words. But in the end I just couldn’t live with myself, knowing that God had called me to more than just Christian programming or brand marketing for tweens and teens. So here I sit today, not sure what the future holds but more resolved than ever that something’s got to give. I know all of this is pretty vague, but hopefully I can flesh it out more fully in future posts.

Clarification

2006-07-26T20:35:00.000-07:00

I'm posting this particular blog to clarify something that I said in the "About Me" section of my MySpace profile. Those who know me can look there for what I'm referring to. I found out about two different instances lately where things I have said have bothered people. One was here on my blog and the other was on MySpace. In talking about myself I mentioned that I was a former youth pastor. I referred to being a youth pastor as a great job if you liked "being in a no-win situation and continually getting crapped on." I'm not exactly sure who it offended or why it offended them but I thought I would offer some clarification. I was truly speaking from my heart. Anyone who has been in ministry before knows that it is a burdening job, continually wrought with disappointments and discouragements. As my pastor would say it is all-consuming. It invades every facet of your life until it becomes your identity. That is why to this day I still have dreams about taking students to camp or on mission trips at least four or five nights a week. As I sleep my subconscious mind spits out all that filled it for nearly three straight years.

The definition that I gave was exactly how I feel and I don't make any apologies for it. I think if the Church were more what it ought to be it would allow ministers to be more what they ought to be and then ministry would not deserve such a grim description. But even thought it describes what I feel, it doesn't give the full description of what I feel. There are many great memories I have of my time in youth ministry. Most of those great memories are in the form of students that I love and got to share life with. Some of the most incredible people I have ever known were students in that ministry. They weren't perfect and they made tons of mistakes, just like those who came before them, but the best they knew how they sought to be more like Christ. I also got to work with some of the greatest parents and volunteers on the planet. There are so many people (I hope you know who you are) who helped carry me and empower me and were used by God to make me a better person. And the truth is, in my heart of hearts, I know that I wouldn't for one second ask God to have spared me from the crap if it meant that I wouldn't have gotten to know each one of those people and shared life with them.

So, for the 3 people that happen to read my blog and my MySpace you now have some clarification. Feel free to pass it on to others. Hopefully you feel more like you've got the whole story.

Moving Day...

2006-07-26T20:05:00.000-07:00

Life is changing among my family these days. My mom will be retiring in December and getting married in January. In preparation for that she is currently in the process of selling her house so that she is able to move to the bustling metropolis of Marlow, OK. I've never been there but oh the stories they tell and the songs they sing about the place. (FYI - I'm kidding. I can't imagine anyone singing about Marlow. I mean who wants to sing about life in the backwoods of the biggest hick state of them all? I can't imagine that lighting anybody's fire. But then I think of the humongous hit that was the musical "Oklahoma" where they sang about honey lambs and surries with fringes on top and I guess I figure that means there might actually be a market for these sort of things...anyway, I digress).

So my mom is going to be moving. This will be the first time in my lifetime that she has moved. She moved into the house where she currently lives in October of 1976. I was born just two months later. For thirty years she's been living in the same house, accummulating an unholy amount of crap. Tomorrow she has a walk through and next Monday she'll sign the thing over to somebody else. I do get a little emotional when I think about all the memories from that house.

One of my earliest memories is when my sister was born. I don't remember much about it since I was only two but I do have some vague recollections. I also remember sitting on the bed in my parents room with my brother and sister when my dad told us he was moving out (not all the memories are happy). I remember holidays and just hanging out. I remember getting out of school and playing in the snow. Growing up it was the only house I had ever known and I can hardly imagine anyone other than my mom occuppying it.

One of my last memories in the house will be of moving out the unholy amount of crap. Because she's living in transit for a few months and the guy she's marrying already has a fully equipped house (it even has electricity and indoor plumbing - he's the envy of all the other citizens in Marlow) her furniture was doled out to her children and others. Because we know the depths of our laziness and that it would never get done if stretched out we decided to move it all in one night. My brother happens to be moving too so we decided to move his stuff from his house in the same night. We were zig-zagging all over town, hauling all kinds of furniture, rearranging the junk between my house, my brother's house, my sister's house, and my mom's house. I'll never forget hauling a one-ton entertainment center into our house at midnight, drenched in sweat and barely lucid. There were six couches, three beds, two massive TV's, and a refrigerator that refused to fit through the door (**to the woman buying my mom's house - I'm sure you can use a touch up pen on those door frames and no one will ever notice). It took somewhere around ten hours to get it all done and as I was laying down to sleep at 2:30am, knowing I had to be up in about 4 hours, I thought to myself...we do all right for the dysfunctional family that we are.

Does This Make Me a Bad Person?

2006-07-08T07:42:00.000-07:00

Ken Lay, former CEO of Enron, died suddenly this week. His death was conveniently located between being found guilty on all sorts of fraud charges regarding the demise of his company and his sentencing. He actually died at his vacation home in Colorado. His lawyer described it as though his poor old heart just gave out on him.

Lay had continually proclaimed his innonence but that proclamation was very weak set against a mountain of indisputable evidence that shows he lied and cheated for his own personal gain. Apparently the hundreds of millions weren't enough, he needed more. And he got more at the expense of his employees, many of whom lost all or part of their retirement savings when Enron floundered. When things started coming out that revealed there might be problems in an otherwise seemingly healthy company Lay stood before his stockholders and employees and assured them that everything was going to be okay, absolutely nothing was wrong. Many employees trusted him and stayed, to their own demise, based on what he had said.

So Lay dies without ever serving a day in prison for this ultimate action of greed and selfishness. He never had to pay for what he did on earth. In fact, because of the timing of his death, the jury verdict of guilty will be vacated by a judge and history will never even record that Lay was a felonious self-serving law breaker. Most frustrating of all is the fact that it feels like the people he hurt the most will never really get vindication. It's like he managed to escape paying the price for his crime. Adding insult to injury is the fact that this supposedly destitute man died while vacationing at his home away from home.

At times like this I want to shake my fist at God. Why couldn't you have left him here to rot in a jail cell for 30 years? Why couldn't you have allowed him some level of physical discomfort here on planet earth before being carted off to the sweet by and by? There are times when believing in the sovereignty of God gives me no great pleasure, rather it ticks me off to no end. This would be one of those times.

Yoke

2006-06-29T10:24:00.000-07:00

I'm doing a second reading through Rob Bell's book, "Velvet Elvis." I read through it last summer and really connected with it. I was, however, in the process of leaving full time ministry and I was very preoccupied. As I thought back on the book a few months ago I realized that even though I recalled enjoying the book, I couldn't remember any of the major points that he raised.

I've spent the past week slowly reading through his second chapter, Yoke, and it is phenomenal. Now, I don't think that I would say I agree with Bell on every point, but I think that's precisely how he would like it because that is the major point of the chapter.

I particularly enjoyed the thought of what it means for Scripture to be interpreted and learned in community. That is how it was written and that is how it is best understood. Sadly, we are so entranced in the pastor=guru model of church that we can't fathom working through the Scriptures in a group setting. Christian learning is limited to me sitting in a pew and hearing from the only guy in the room who has had to crack the book open all week in order to accomplish his purpose in life. Anyway, Bell's thoughts have me imagining church as a place where ideas and interpretations are worked through by everybody, where a sermon isn't judged by it's wow factor but by the level to which it involves others in the process of trying to understand the meaning of things.

Bell follows up this idea by discussing our warped view of the Scriptures in general. His perception is that we treat them as nothing more than a rule book or instruction manual. His assertion is that a true appreciation and correct appropriation of Scripture means that you are changed by the encounter. You can't merely crack open the book, read a bit, hear a sermon, and then walk away unchanged. If that happens then you've missed the point. He refers to a metaphor used by rabbis in their understanding of Scripture. The metaphor is the O.T. story of Jacob when he wrestles with God. It is a deep and intense struggle, exhausting, and in the end he walks away with a limp. He is injured and experiences pain because of the encounter he had with God. He sums it up like this:

"Some people have no limp, because they haven't wrestled. But the ones limping have had an experience with the living God."

I see so little limping in church today. Church in America is populated by self-sufficient people or anesthetized people who can have an encounter with Scripture that is nothing more than an intellectual assent or a task to be checked off the to-do list. I have this insatiable desire within me to see that changed. I honestly believe that this sort of transformation could radically affect other weak areas within the church as well, areas such as materialism, service-involvment, giving, ignorance, apathy, and more!

I just wanted to share that with you all because Bell does a great job articulating abstract ideas and the ideas he articulates in this chapter have been floating around in my head for quite some time.

As Rob says, "God has spoken, the rest is commentary."

If Not Now, then When?

2006-06-24T07:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the Oklahoma State Legislature finally got a budget passed. It was nearly a month late and it was nowhere near the budget that either side wanted. Quite honestly I'm incredibly frustrated by what was accomplished. This year's legislature had the job of setting the states largest budget in history due to record revenue collection and there were very clearly two oppossing opinions on what should be done with the money. One side was bent on slashing taxes and the other side wanted to put some money back into government programs, some of which had seen their budgets dangerously slashed in recent years because of an economic downturn.

Now, I'm all about less taxes, who wouldn't be? But I don't think that Oklahoma has a particularly high tax burden and I just believe that the money could be better spent helping those less fortunate, who aren't really even going to be helped by a tax break in the first place. Unfortunately, in the end cutting taxes always trumps bigger government. It goes back to that foundational principle of American culture: I earned it, it's mine, and I should get to spend on me (now where is the Christian principle in that?).

As a result Oklahomans on average are going to pay a few hundred bucks less in taxes each year, but education, health, and human services will continue to be under-funded. The Department of Corrections is still going to require additional hand-outs from the legislature just to make it through the year. And the people in Oklahoma who are most in need are going to feel little relief.

Ironically, the Democrats, who had favored a smaller tax cut and increased spending on essential programs, actually offered a plan that would have helped people and still give tax-payers a break on their taxes. They favored raising the Oklahoma standard deduction to match the federal deduction. That would have saved middle class citizens much more than even the most drastic tax cuts. What it would not have done, however, is give any meaningful breaks to the uber-wealthy who make so much money that raising the standard deduction a couple thousand bucks would simply be a drop in the bucket. It's an election year and the poor and middle class of our state aren't the ones shelling out the bucks.

I guess I don't expect everyone to share my view on this, but I certainly expect Christians to share it. The Bible teaches that "to whom much is given, much is required." That is the antithesis of "it's my money." Further the WHOLE story of Scripture is that we are blessed to be a blessing - from Abraham to Israel to the Church. We live in the most wealthy nation in the history of the world, accounting for approximately 40% of the world's consumption while having only a fraction of the population. It's time for us to quit moaning about what it's costing us and how we've earned it. The idea that everyone can pull themselves up by their bootstraps and that comfortable, middle-class America is attainable for anyone who just works hard enough is a farse! God has blessed us so that we might be a blessing to those who haven't gotten the opportunities and the breaks that we have been given.

In this regard I'm left asking of the state legislature, and particularly Republicans in the state legislature, if not now, then when? If you can't do it in a year of record revenue precisely when are you going to commit to making a difference in the lives of those in need and to improving the quality of life for ALL Oklahomans? In a state that is so proud of it's Christian heritage I expect much more from my elected officials than just the leanest budget they can pass so that I can get a couple hundred dollars back to buy another Ipod or gas up my SUV!

So Much to Blog, So Little Time

2006-06-24T07:26:00.000-07:00

I'm still relatively new to the world of blogging but I'm beginning to learn an important secret about it. Blog it when an idea is fresh or you never will. I can't tell you how many times in the past several weeks I've wanted to blog something but didn't have the time right then and just assumed I'd get around to it later. But of course later never really comes and it fades into the recesses of my brain to be replaced by the next major thing.

Blogging is supposed to be a sort of online journal and journals can't capture a moment three weeks after the fact. They've got to be fresh and alive and even a little raw. So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm going to try to be better at bringing things up in the moment instead of waiting for a more convenient time.

So that is my commitment to you, my loyal blog readers, and believe it or not there are apparently more of you out there than I had originally thought. Keep looking here for my thoughts and feelings on current events locally and globally.

Peace,
Paul

I'm a Geek

2006-06-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

So I thought I would devote a post to giving myself props for my true geek-ness. It's been a rather successful couple of weeks for this tech-nerd. I completed my first Novell to Windows migration. It was a network of approximately 75 computers. I am now a full-fledged Microsoft lackey. I thought about bucking the system and running Linux or a newer version of Novell, but in the end the power of the evil empire was just too great to resist and so the Oklahoma Public Employees Retirement System is a officially a Microsoft shop. I also just finished downloading the public beta version of Microsoft Vista, the new operating system due out next year and I'm really, really, really excited about it. I've seen some demos and screenshots and it looks pretty tight (whatever that means). I think it takes a computer the size of the Pentagon to run it, but apparently it's worth the cost. And finally, in a couple of weeks I'm going to Tulsa for Exchange training. Exchange is Microsoft's version of e-mail, complete with bells and whistles. That'll be fun. There's just something about getting away from the norm and learning all kinds of new stuff. Not to mention the fact that when I went to previous training in March I found Tulsa to be a really interesting city. It was my first time there and just a week confirmed my theory that Tulsa doesn't fit in Oklahoma. They're just a little too cosmopolitan for us. Maybe that's why I liked it so much.

Anyway, as I've encountered old friends recently they all want to know what I do. I'm not sure they understand exactly what I'm saying when I tell them I'm the Network Administrator for the Oklahoma Public Employees Retirement System so I thought I would translate it for them here. Basically it's summed up best by saying, "I'm a geek."

One Nation Under God

2006-06-07T06:46:00.001-07:00

The Religious Right, under the leadership of men such as James Dobson, Jerry Falwell, and Richard Land have begun putting pressure on politicians to start implementing some of the moral legislation for which they were divinely elected. In disregard for the sovereignty of God and in the true nature of Christian charity they have threatened to take their toys and go home if President Bush and the rest of the Republican party don't start playing by their rules. In light of that the President is attempting to re-invigorate the debate for a marriage amendment that prevents homosexual marriage. I am personally opposed to such an amendment because it is presumptuous and definitely crosses the line between Church and State but that's not really my point. On another side-note, one wonders how much more healthy the Church would be if Christian leaders would put more energy into fixing marriages inside the church rather than meddling in relationships outside the church. But obviously that will never happen. No time to worry about the logs in our eyes, we're busy condemning people for the twigs in their eyes.

Invariably as this debate picks up steam we will hear more and more about the godly intentions and the near holy status of our Founding Fathers. Apparently these men are turning over in their graves at what we've made of the "Christian Nation" they fought to establish. And THIS is where I take issue with our interpretation of history. This essential element of their argument is weak to say the least. Without too much thought I have put together a list demonstrating that a truly "Christian Nation" was not so much what these Founding Fathers intended.

First and foremost, the revolution was primarily political and not religious. These guys felt they were getting jobbed because they were being taxed out the yin-yang with absolutely no representation in Parliament. They were relegated to second class citizens and yet they were the main source of funding for the vast British Empire.
Second, the above truth demonstrates that these men were really only interested in themselves. They had no problem relegating the Indians, blacks, and women to second class status, they just didn't want to be treated that way themselves.
Third, many of these men were deists, rather than Christian. These same godly men could barely agree on whether there should be a prayer at the Continental Congress, much less create some Christian theistic nation.
Fourth, a look at the personal lives of many of these men reveal that they weren't exactly moral beacons of light.
Fifth, let us not forget that these men are the same who wrote Article II of the Constitution which determines that a black man was worth only three-fifths of the value of a white man, and then only when it came to taking a census. Other than that their value was exactly zero, in that their rights and privileges were non-existent. Incidentally about four score and seven years after they wrote that we had to fight a war to prove they were wrong.

The contention that our Founding Fathers were seeking to create a Christian nation is completely full of holes. I don't have a problem with someone wanting a marriage amendment but I do have a problem with their hijacking and rewriting of history in order to make a case for why that amendment is essential. Please, come up with a legitimate reason before you seek to impose your beliefs on others and deny them the religious freedom that many have died to ensure for them.

I Did It!!

2006-06-01T19:49:00.000-07:00

Well it's not official per se, but it's official enough. I graduated!! I found out today that I made an A on my final paper in Daniel/Revelation and that means I passed the class. So I finished my collegiate career at Liberty University with a 3.85. That means that I can tell people I graduated Summa Cum Laude. I may not believe half the things I learned at Liberty but at least I fooled them into thinking I do!! Just kidding, but I certainly think I've earned my Fundamentalism Card.

Is Jesus the Next Killer App?

2006-06-01T11:11:00.000-07:00

My worlds collided a few weeks back when CNET (Computer Technology News) posted an article by the above title. You see, on the one hand, I am a minister, deeply concerned about living out the message of Jesus and training others to do the same. On the other hand I'm a computer nerd. Though I've tried to run from each of those callings in the past, they always manage to find me out and draw me back in.

The article was not at all surprising but incredibly frustrating. It's primary focus was to note the burgeoning industry that technology specialists could find in the religious realm. They even have a name for this industry. It's called "House of Worship Technology." It seems that every church is doing their best to convey Christ just like ESPN conveys sports and MTV conveys music. That idea, in and of itself isn't bad. Relavently conveying Christ is an essential duty of Christians. However, when ministry and evangelism become interchangeable with marketing and sales then we've definitely gone too far. This article is all about the excess.

As you can imagine, all the biggest churches devote HUGE chunks of their budgets to cool technology and ensuring the "WOW" factor. These numbers soar into the millions and it is all justified because people are being reached and they're getting the gospel in "their culture." Unfortunately, the message of the gospel isn't getting through, no matter how many people walk through the door. I've been to several of these mega-tech churches and seen the crowds. The message they're getting is not one of sacrifice for the cause of Christ or a life of surrender to His will. What they're getting is that when you don't want to change your lifestyle to come to Jesus, don't worry, He'll come to you. He's so accommodating.

These places are typified by asking as little of you as possible. The gospel is a matter of convenience. You can do what you wanna do and get eternal life too. All we need is one hour a week and we'll make that hour as enjoyable as possible. We'll have specialty coffee and donuts. Our auditoriums will be big and dark so you can get lost in the mix. Worship participation is optional. And heck, if you can't even manage to haul your butt out of bed for that one hour, now you can just roll over and log on and worship with us online.

For those of the modern mega-church variety, it will be too much to expect you to read the full article so I'll just post the highlights. The soundbytes say so much:

In recent years, members of the clergy have begun competing with MTV, video games and the Internet by jazzing up sermons with image magnification systems and large-screen video displays, a la Apple Computer's Steve Jobs at a product launch.
"It's like going to a rock concert," says Patrick Teagarden, one of the growing number of sound-and-video technicians whose main customers are churches.
(Mega mega-church pastor and happiness guru Joel) Osteen employs three massive video-display screens to project his image to people sitting in the nosebleed seats. Illuminating the walls and the giant globe spinning behind Osteen's pulpit are Altman Micro Strips, strip lights that use a range of tungsten halogen lamps to create different lighting effects.
This kind of spending attracts disciples.
"There's not one major electronics manufacturer who isn't trying to target this space."
"Let's face it, we've all experienced the occasional sleeper on Sunday morning," says an Internet advertisement from Audio Visual Mart, an online media tools store. "But it doesn't have to be that way. Technology can inspire your congregation in new ways."
"We live in a media-driven world!"

So there you have it. Would this be a bad time to start quoting statistics about the decline of giving in churches, the prominence of a lifestyle of moral relativity, the increase in poverty and preventable disease around the world, and the self-serving attitudes and actions of Christians? Probably not. Those are probably more in line with that "Sunday morning sleeper."

I r a graduet

2006-05-15T08:37:00.000-07:00

In the famous words of a really important guy from history, "It is finished." I have completed the course work for my undergrad degree. It's hard to sum up how I feel about this great accomplishment. I mean, so much has changed as a result. The sun seems brighter, the grass is greener, the song of the birds is sweeter. Think of all the doors that have now been opened up to me. Things that were but a dream last week are now an unbelievable reality. I am at the zenith of my existence, the pinnacle of blah blah blah...okay enough of that garbage.

The truth is it feels good to graduate but it really doesn't change much. I got up this morning and followed the same routine, went to the same place, am doing the same thing. So...it is a little anti-climactic. But it is definitely a step forward and it leads to another step and another. And eventually along the journey I'll feel a greater sense of accomplishment.

Even though it's a little anti-climactic there are some changes that I'm looking forward to. I'm trying to compile a list that all starts with the letter "G". Here's what I've got so far:

Girl - The stars have aligned and for the first time in the history of our marriage my wife and I have a break at the same time so I'll be enjoying some extra q.t. with her.
Guitar - Wanna learn to play so I can be cool with everybody else.
Golf - It's about time. Everyone else in my family plays about 10 times a week so I'm tired of being the left-out loser.
Grass - I want to devote some serious time to my lawn. I have visions of flowers and plants that actually last more than a few weeks in the baking Oklahoma sun. My grass will be lush and green. I also hope to put a sidewalk in on the side of my house and a pad to put my trashcans on. You had no idea I was so handily inclined.
Garbage - This one is a stretch. I want to watch some T.V. When the wife starts working on the next round in her pursuit of being Dr. Paul's Wife I'll be left to myself and I hope to doing some vegging in front of the tube.

That's really all for now. I'll be working on adding to the list in the days to come. I also want to spend more time posting here and on other places in the blogosphere. There is so much activity going on in the world and Christendom, especially among Southern Baptists, and I want to be involved in the dialogue and discussion. So look for me to be popping up here and there in the coming weeks.

Peace and Love,
Paul

Is this a Great State or What?

2006-04-07T11:56:00.000-07:00

"Banned Substance Found in Lambs"

Only in Oklahoma could this be headline news. It seems that scandal has rocked the "National Western Stock Show" in Denver this week as thirteen Oklahoma lambs have tested positive for a performance-enhancing substance. Apparently this substance, which has yet to be identified, was used to make the lambs appear more muscular. The winners were stripped of their titles and the prize money they had won. I have to admit I became a little suspcious when the winner of the competition got lose and tore a pack of lions to pieces. I guess Mary's lamb isn't quite so little any more. It is rumored that the lambs that tested positive and have now tarnished images will be trying out for the Colorado Rockies as major league baseball is the only place left where a self-respecting, steroid popping, megalomaniac can still find decent employment. Oh...that reminds me, did anyone see Bary Bonds get a standing ovation in San Francisco last night?

In Case There Was Any Doubt

2006-03-22T06:55:00.000-08:00

Well I'm trying to be more deliberate about updating my blog, which hasn't worked out so well the past few weeks. It's not for a lack of things to say, but more because my ADD (self-diagnosed) mind can't stay on one thing long enough to write it down. Anyway, I wanted to be sure and get this most-important post out there for all to see...

I just want to say that I have the most wonderful wife in the world. Of course you all already know that, but it's good to be reminded of it every once in awhile. Not only is she brilliant (future Dr. Mrs. Paul's Wife), but she's beautiful and fun and kind and so many more things. Anyway, we've had a great past couple of weeks and I am reminded about something. I am a much better person today than I was last week or last month or last year and it has a lot to do with her. And not only that, but I know that I will be a better person next week, next month, and next year because she makes me a better person.

So, I just wanted to tell her in front of everyone that I love her and am sooooooo glad that she said YES when I asked that crazy question a few years back. I love you!! It's the greatest joy of my life to be married to you.

A South Dakota Effort in Futility

2006-03-09T10:06:00.000-08:00

I'm a little late to the party on this one but since I'm in training this week my unfettered access to a computer is limited. However, on such an important issue I wanted to be sure and respond.

Earlier this week the South Dakota legislature enacted into law the toughest restrictions on abortion in the country. According to the new law, abortions are illegal in all cases except where the mother's life is at risk. Now, first and foremost, this law will never go into effect. That wasn't the purpose for which it was created. Soon, if not already, a judge will temporarily halt the law from taking effect. It will be appealed up the line and ultimately the 10th circuit court of appeals will overturn the law. Following that it will be appealed to the Supreme Court but the court will not choose to take the case. In other words they will just ignore it, and here's why. First, at this point in time a majority of people in our country still favor a woman's right to choose. Some may say that it depends on who you ask and how you frame the question but if it's not a majority then it's very, very close. Second, a ruling regarding a person's right to abortion has already been established by the court and it would take a groundswell of anti-abortion fervor to cause them to overturn that, far more than we have today.

So, even though the possibility exists withy a now more conservative court for the right to an abortion to be overturned it's not going to happen soon and it's not going to happen like this. The justices are too wise to do this. It's amazing that even in such a serious situation morality gives way to politics, but frankly that's just the way it has to be.

Now, I may be "progressive" or "moderate" by the definition of some but I do believe that abortion is morally wrong. I believe it is a terrible act and in many cases (though not all) a supreme act of selfishness. I believe that abortion should be illegal just as murder is illegal however I don't believe it's going to happen to a lasting degree no matter how much we stack the court. While not exactly the same, we saw a similar situation in our country in regards to the equality of all people. Slavery was abolished in our country in the middle of the 19th century by enactment of a constitutional amendment. The foundation of that amendment was the equality of all people (or all men I suppose). However, as history has revealed, equality for all people wasn't something that could be legislated or even enforced by the courts. Ultimately it took changing the hearts and minds of people. It took time. In fact we have yet to see this issue resolved in a Christ-like way as statistics seem to show that white Southern Baptist men are the most racist people within our country.

The same change will be true regarding abortion as well. Change is going to come through changing the hearts and minds of people. It will come as people understand the full value of human life, as God intended it. It's not going to happen strictly through electing like-minded legislators or presidents. It's not going to come through the Supreme Court. It's going to come when Christians exemplify and demonstrate the love of God BEFORE they condemn other people. And honestly, it's going to happen one person at a time, not through guilt or fear, but through acceptance and love.

So I guess what I'm saying is, don't expect too much to come out of this South Dakota law. And don't wait around for your government to do something. Start figuring out ways that you can make a difference, such as loving and esteeming the girls who are continually told by our culture that they aren't pretty enough or don't have the perfect figure and who so often find acceptance in the words of a guy who want nothing more than physical gratification. Another more controversial idea is to provide means of contraception for those who are going to have sex anyway. Doing so does not throw open the doors of promiscuity. It simply acknowledges that a "greater" tragedy is the loss of a life because a girl doesn't think she has another option.

The Effective Rights of Jimmy

2006-03-07T10:02:00.000-08:00

I'm doing computer training all week in Tulsa. I'm learning "everything" there is to know about Windows Server 2003. Riveting, I know. Of course if you're a nerd like me then you actually enjoy the stuff. I'm filling my head with all the complexities of this particular Microsoft application. Now, I'm a relatively smart guy and I do really well at thinking analytically so you would think this would make pretty good sense to me. I can't tell you though how many times I've watched the demo or read the book or done the exercise and wondered, "What in the world were these people thinking when they did this, and what the heck were they smoking?" Let's just say its a bit verbose.

Today, I've been learning about the effective rights of Jimmy. You see I can implicitly deny or explicitly deny rights to Jimmy however I can only explicitly grant rights to Jimmy. Explicit grants overwrite implicit denies and explicit denies overwrite explicit grants. If Jimmy is a member of a group that has rights explicitly denied then it doesn't matter how much I grant him personally because he is DENIED! It's crazy stuff. You can apply it to files and folders and folders and files inside of folders.

This afternoon I think I'll explicitly deny Jimmy the right to go to the bathroom and explicitly grant him the right to drink a 64 oz. Coke and see what happens. Oh the God-like powers of Windows Administrators.

What Am I Thinking?!?!

2006-03-04T20:50:00.000-08:00

I really don't know why I do this to myself. I finally get to the place where I'm starting to think that maybe all Evangelical Fundies aren't bad, that maybe some of them have a few redeeming qualities. Then I do something stupid like switch over to the Bott Radio Network for some "quality Christian programming. " One minute everything is fine and the next minute I'm screaming at D. James Kennedy and my blood pressure is off the charts. Not too long after that I'm ready to take the whole lot of them and chunk them out the window. Here's how it went down.

I'm on the way to Sonic to pick up a Coke for my wife (I'm a really great husband). There's nothing good on any of the local channels (classic rock, easy listening, grunge, NPR, even K-Love) so in my desperation I decide to switch over to 800 AM just to see what's going on. I get Dr. Kennedy talking about the holiness of God. So far I'm with him. Then he makes the comment, "The judgment of God starts with the House of God." At that point I'm really with him. He's challenging the people of God to holiness, reminding us that God wants to purify us in the first place. Then he launches into a discussion about sexual promiscuity, homosexuality, and the like. Now...While I'm sure that some sub-set of the Church population is struggling greatly with these sins, I don't think we're being overrun by sexual fornicators in the church.

My immediate thought was, if you're talking about the judgment of God coming to the Church to bring about purity and holiness, don't you think you're going to hit a higher percentage of your upper-middle class congregation by talking about pride, complacency, materialism, gluttony, or divorce? I mean, how many of the Coral Ridge Fellowship are struggling with homosexuality or gross sexual sins? Clearly he's not really talking about Christians, even though he insinuates that he is. He's talking about "other people." He's ripping the founders of the sexual revolution and talking about those ignorant ones that listened to their enticing words and will now be judged and face hell. I guess what he really meant when he talked about judgment starting with the Church was that the judgment comes from people in the Church towards those outside the Church, as if they should no better and be holy.

Needless to say it's just more of the same. I can't tell you how many times I've sat in churches and listened to pastors rail against the same types of gross immorality, followed by hearty amens from people in the crowd. We love to hear preachers rail against sins that we don't happen to struggle with. What a joke. And what a disservice to the people of God, from whom God really does desire holiness and righteousness. I don't ever recall my pastor railing against gluttony or materialism. In fact, he's actually insinuated that those things are part of the "abundant life of Jesus Christ."

It got no better after Dr. Kennedy. Before I make it back to the safety of my home I get the weekly griping of conservatives about judges and how horrible they are. Apparently we should be removing them from the bench for cussing or being mean to witnesses, but that's a whole other story. I guess it's time for another round of the fundamentalist detox program.

Unappreciated Talent

2006-03-04T13:38:00.000-08:00

I got the chance to go the Rascal Flatts concert last night in OKC. It was a first for me, as I am generally opposed to country music. However, I actually enjoyed myself and I came away with some appreciation for people that I had never had before. Here are a few things which I think merit some recognition:

The ability to carry cups of beer filled to the rim without spilling a drop - This is quite an impressive talent. I mean, let's be honest, the room they give you to maneuver at these sort of places can't exactly be categorized as spacious. In fact precarious is probably a more descriptive term. This particular talent gets even more impressive throughout the night as people are still able to manage a full cup even after getting two or three into their systems. You'd think they were carrying cups full of plastic explosives. Never, ever underestimate the value of beer.
The shamelessness of country music fans - I have never been to a concert where people sang along, word for word, so much. I mean these people knew every word of every song, and sang it with the perfect twang. Most of these people were tone-deaf and drunk, which just adds to my appreciation for their shamelessness.
The ability to wear jeans that are three or four sizes too small - Now, I don't think this one is as common as it once was, and since Rascal Flatts can only marginally be called country anyway, this was a rare sighting, but a sighting it was. I'm just amazed that people are able to stand, sit, and carry out other necessary movements required of human-beings in that state. I learned to appreciate this particular talent while in one of the restrooms. As I was washing my hands I saw this guy (estimated weight - 275) out of the corner of my eye that I thought had just gotten shot in the stomach. It turns out he was just sucking in with all his might and holding himself just right so that he could get his pants buttoned again after relieving himself. Of course, knowing how impressive this was he decided to do it in front of all of us, rather than in a stall where no one would appreciate his talent. It probably would have been okay if he wasn't able to get his on because he could have borrowed mine as they appeared to be about two sizes bigger than his.
The poetry that is country music - Who would have thought that after seven decades of singing about their trucks, their women, and their dip they could still come up with such creative lyrics, but alas, they can. Case in point, Blake Shelton. He sings this song about "some beach." He keeps referring to it in the song. Every time somebody does him wrong or does something bad to him in the song he just launches into singing about "some beach." Only the most cultured would realize that this "some beach" is a creative allusion to a hicking, slang way of calling someone the offspring of a female dog.

So as you can see, I learned a lot from my new experience. I was even treated to some covers of Van Morrison, the Eagles, Elton John, and AC/DC. Sure never would have expected that at a country music concert. Wonders never cease.

You've Got to See...er...Hear This

2006-03-03T14:19:00.000-08:00

This is one of the coolest things I've ever seen. It had my awed and cracking up at the same time. Just follow the link below. It will take you to the Honda Civic UK website. Click the link that says "Watch" at the bottom or "Watch Civic" inside the window. Watch the film first and then watch the rehearsal. Sometimes I think myself pretty creative. Then I see something like this:

http://www.honda.co.uk/civic/

Don't Forget to Repent Today

2006-03-01T05:07:00.000-08:00

Today is Ash Wednesday, which marks the beginning of the period of Lent. It is also a day that is specifically set aside to remember the frailty of humanity and the need for repentence. I was reading through the Lectionary this morning, listening to the words of Joel and David as they called out for personal and corporate repentence. Both passages are often quoted but so easily glossed over in my own life. As a Southern Baptist I've never even given Lent a thought, much less attempted to apply any of the principles to my own life but since I'm currently "dating around" in the spiritual realm I decided it would be a good time to check it out. So for me today is a day of soul-searching as I consider my own frailty and sinfulness (both of which are great). I hope to carry out that soul-searching throughout the next forty days as well as trying to use this time to cultivate some of the spiritual disciplines in my own life.

I have to admit, I sort of raise an eyebrow to the thought of a "period" of discipline or repentence such as Lent is meant to be, especially when it follows the nearly sacred holiday of Mardi Gras. However, I think a time of re-focusing and re-commitment is healthy. Not to mention the fact that it's easy for me to be judgmental but if I were honest I probably couldn't even claim twenty individual days of discipline in my own life in a given year.

So...Happy Lenting!

Who Can Love?

2006-02-27T07:04:00.000-08:00

I've gotten into a little "discussion" on the "God is not a Republican" Facebook group over @ Liberty U. Yes, I know it's hard to believe it, but there are others out there, even at Liberty, that realize God is not a spokesperson for the religious right, a gun-toting member of the NRA, or even a member of the George Bush fan-club. Anyway, someone made a remark that I've made myself in the past but upon further post-evangelical review I think the statement is full of crap.

The statement is this:
"It may not have occurred to you that no one can really love their neighbor unless they have the love of God, i.e. Christians."

The idea behind the statement is that it is impossible to love unless you are a Christian. Only Christians truly understand the love of God and only Christians understand the true value of human beings and so only they can love. The base belief is that anyone who isn't a Christian who "loves" someone ultimately does it for selfish reasons and so then it's not really love.

There are but a few problems with this in my estimation. #1 - You cannot make this argument from anywhere in Scripture. There is not a single place where this thought is verbalized, inferred, or anything of the sort. Nowhere does it say that someone who doesn't know Christ cannot love. #2 - Going a step further, there's not even a place in Scripture that says that just because you are a Christian can you truly love. #3 - Just taking a broad look at culture, if love is even remotely defined using words that convey action then Christians would seem to be low on the list for claiming a corner on the market of love. #4 - Millennia of recorded history seem to fly in the face of this extra-biblical notion. How many people who have no idea who Christ is have demonstrated love? They have made commitments and sacrifices for people, putting the needs of others ahead of their own. I can read the newspaper and come up with hundreds of examples within my own city. Am I really to believe that all of those are truly selfish, yet when the same act is performed by a Christian it somehow becomes pure and righteous?

I think it all goes back to the misguided notion that God only speaks and works through certain avenues. Truth, love, and other attributes of God can be found outside the Church, outside the Bible, and outside of Christians. Surely that is what was being talked about when Paul tells us that God has left himself a witness in creation. Why do we limit that witness to stars and trees and oceans? Couldn't it equally be said that there is a witness when someone realizes the value of life through sacrifice and commitment? I think that the greatest tragedy is that our self-imposed limitations of God have kept those of us who know Christ from seeing him in so many places.

Theology with a Tail

2006-02-24T08:43:00.000-08:00

This might be an odd post to use to break my one month silence from the blog-world but I saw an article today and it struck a chord within me. It's funny how these things work. This is a story about a book that one man wrote about his dog. It has currently spent 17 weeks on the Bestseller list and is quickly approaching 1 million copies sold, much to the surprise of the publisher who only ordered 50,000 copies printed in the original run. It seems to be connecting with dog-lovers and dog-haters alike (Can anyone really be a dog-hater?). Life is full of irony sometimes as you can tell from reading this article. When you read some of the lessons that this guy learned from his dog it doesn't seem so odd that God would choose to speak through a donkey. He's a quite creative God. Here are a few quotes from the article:

"Before Marley, our life was about career, relationship, and ourselves," said Grogan, a columnist for the Philadelphia Inquirer. "He helped us shift from an egocentric life to something more generous."

In the book, Grogan wrote: "Marley taught me about living each day with unbridled exuberance and joy, about seizing the moment and following your heart. He taught me to appreciate the simple things -- a walk in the woods, a fresh snowfall, a nap in the shaft of winter sunlight."

"And as he grew old and achy, he taught he about optimism in the face of adversity. Mostly, he taught me about friendship and selflessness and, above all else, unwavering loyalty."

I'm thinking maybe it's time to get a dog.

The full article can be found here.

A Sad Day

2006-01-23T14:27:00.000-08:00

Well...it's official. I should have known it was coming after my post from last night. NBC announced today that they are cancelling The West Wing. It will officially come to an end on May 14th, following a one-hour retrospective. Adding insult to injury, it was also announced that series creator Aaron Sorkin and original director Thomas Schlamme would not be involved in the series finale. I guess maybe I'll have to start caring about real-live politics now.

The End of the Spear - My Take

2006-01-22T21:07:00.000-08:00

On Saturday afternoon my wife and I went to see the movie "The End of the Spear." For those living under rocks this movie has created quite a controversy in the "Christian" realm because an openly homosexual actor was chosen to play the lead role. Many were talking about boycotting it because of this fact and because they felt that the presentation of the gospel was weak. I think it was just another example of Christians trying desperately to defend their bubble existence but what do I know. Anyway, I thought I would give you my take on the movie, for what it's worth.

Now, my wife and I don't usually go to movies. It's not because we're rigid fundies who think that the devil owns Hollywood. It's because they charge you the equivalent of a mortgage payment to get in and then require you to sell a kidney just to get a Coke and some popcorn, but I digress. We didn't go see this movie because we thought it would be one of excellent quality. We really went in with pretty low expectations. We primarily went to support Mart Green, one of the producers of the movie. I've had the privilege to meet him and I know enough about him to know that he is a man of integrity who has a burden for something, and to be quite honest, is willing to put his money where his mouth is.

As we watched the movie we were definitely moved by the story presented. Most of you will know about the 5 missionaries who gave their lives trying to reach a group of seemingly unreachable people. No, we were not impressed by the script or the super-incredible acting, but we were touched to see such an overwhelming display of the power of the love of God.

So, my review of the move is this. The message overpowered the sexual views of one man. I don't remember ever thinking, "Gosh, this would really be moving if it weren't for that gay actor." So you boycotting Christians can put your signs down and quit looking so foolish. Second, I question the understanding of those who didn't think that the gospel was presented. The gospel was the driving force and in my opinion it empowered an otherwise lifeless movie. Two moments in the film particularly caught my attention and I think they sum up the heart of the movie.

Semi-spoiler alert (for those few that don't already know the story)....

First, on finally finding the elusive Waodani, Steve Saint was talking about his reluctance to tell his sister about it because she would tell her superiors who would ultimately slow down the process of going in. It would take two years or more before they would be able to accomplish anything. Nate Saint simply said, "The Waodani don't have two years." I just thought that was a powerful movement. They were willing to risk their lives for these people they had never met. That line summed it up.

The second instance, and maybe even more powerful was after the missionaries had been killed. Nate Saints wife had gone into the village of the men who had killed her husband and she had taken her children. All the men had left the village and only the women remained. They found themselves surrounded by warriors for another tribe and feared for their lives. As the warriors were shouting at them in the darkness little Steve Saint asked his mom if they were going to run away. She simply said, "No." Now THAT was powerful. These people were worth their lives if that what it took. I was moved.

So, I encourage you to go see the movie. Don't go looking for the quality of Crash or some other such movie. Instead go looking for Gospel of Christ in actions, not merely words.

Bartlet for America!

2006-01-22T20:51:00.000-08:00

Those that know me best know that from the middle of Season 1 I have been a huge, huge, huge fan of The West Wing. For a long time it was the most brilliant show on television, mixing a great ensemble cast with an unmatched script week after week. (Clearly you can see my unwavering devotion to the show.) It recent years this show has struggled. When you start so high there's usually nowhere to go but downhill. Nevertheless, there are still moments of greatness and one of those moments occurred last week.

It is unusual for The West Wing to take stories from our headlines and re-create them in exactness in the make-believe presidency of Josiah Bartlett but they chose the right time to do it in my opinion. I was floored last week as I watched them speak about the massacre that has been taking place in Darfur for too long. They were confronted by some who were outraged and ashamed by their fictious government's lack of concern or involvement for what was clearly a genocide. For Chief of Staff CJ Craigg, enough was enough. She was moved to maneuver ambassadors and heads of state to take firm action to stop the violence. She did this on her own initiative and when necessary swayed the president to her cause.

Now, I'm smart enough to know that problems in the real world aren't solved in 42 minutes and it takes a lot more than leaning on some foreign ambassadors to get things done. But I'm also smart enough to know that they weren't exaggerating when they spoke of the government of Sudan being involved, when they talked about the moms who carried their babies when they were dead because they didn't know what else to do, and when they strongly insinuated that economics trumped morality when it came to getting off our butts and doing something.

All I can say is that I have never been more ready to elect a liberal, northeastern Democrat to the White House in my whole life. I wish the current real-life, Republican administration could take some initiative and put into action some of that morality they claimed to have cornered the market on.

For those that don't know: www.savedarfur.org

Life Update...or Ways that My New Job is the Exact Opposite of My Old Job

2006-01-18T20:30:00.000-08:00

Well I've now successfully completed two days as a Network Administrator. I must say that it has been a suprisingly good first few days. I've jumped right into some tasks that my boss had waiting for me and the good news is that I've only caused two major servers to need reinstallation. That's a good sign right? Well anyway, I thought I would list off some ways that I've noticed this job is different than the church job I previously had:

#1 - People genuinely seem to care. I've had at least a dozen people come by simply to introduce themselves and check to see how my first few days are going. They are encouraging and seem to really want an answer when they ask how I am doing. Contrast that with the usual church talk, "How are you?" "Great, and you?" "Great too!" shallowness and you can see why I'm optimistic.
#2 - I have a general idea about what I'm doing. I may have been out of the computer industry for three years but even though the technology has changed the foundation remains the same. It's all built on logical, knowable facts. Contrast that with my previous job where every day was a crap-shoot and everyday I was less sure about my foundation than I was the day before. Add to that the fact that every day it seemed like my foundation moved farther and farther from the foundations of those I was "partnering with" in ministry.
#3 - My boss checks on me. He seems to trust me to do my job but he's involved and has even been proactive in helping me learn things that I don't yet know. It's like a real mentoring relationship. Contrast that with the last job when I could go days without seeing my boss, and never in three years had a clue what his vision was or what he expected of me, much less that he ever invested any time in me at all.
#4 - Mistakes are okay. It's good to fail because failure ultimately leads to success. We're not going to get it right the first, second, third, or even fourth time but we're not going to give up and eventually we'll get there. If we try something and it doesn't work, its not the end of the world, just another step in the process of learning and growing and becoming all that we want to be. Contrast that with the last place where words like "competition" and "momentum" were thrown around and the idea was to "succeed" in the immediate, with no regard for the important. 200 teenagers to fill a new building today is worth more than 20 teenagers who become true disciples of Jesus.
#5 - Everybody is essential. There aren't a slew of people to do a few things. Everybody helps each other out and together we get the job done. Contrast that with the last place where every new problem or great idea required the addition of a new staff member. It's a sad thing when the ever-criticized state is a better steward of resources than the church.

So as you can see, this job has already been a breath of fresh air. I can't say enough how great the people are or how excited I am to get to know them better. It is a change for me to do the whole 8-5 thing and to leave the job @ work instead of bringing it home and letting it consume my thoughts but I think I can get used to it. The only drawback I've found so far is the traffic. When I took the church job I moved into the area where the church was located and lived about 1 mile away. It took all of two minutes to get to work and I could come and go all day long. Now I have a journey to and from work each day, with snarling traffic to contend with, especially in the afternoon.

So that's the update on my life. What's going on in yours?

Peace,
Paul

On this Martin Luther King Jr. Holiday

2006-01-16T21:06:00.000-08:00

One more post before I call it quits for the day. I just wanted to take a minute to celebrate all that this holiday stands for. In my part of the country it has only been recently that schools and other institutions recognize this day but that's not surprising since we live in a very southerly direction. My hope is that today gave everyone at least some small pause to realize that there is injustice in the world and our calling is not one of passivity but rather of activity. We honor a man who saw injustice and refused to sit by and allow it to happen. And today is not just about Martin Luther King Jr. but about all those in the past who have stood against institutions and people of power on behalf of the oppressed and needy. So in that spirit, happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day!

On a similar note, my brother-in-law began a new phase in his life last week. He and his wife accepted a position as youth pastor in a small northwestern Oklahoma town. This is a major life-change for both of them and yet a great opportunity to live out all that God has been teaching them in a new and probably unexpected environment. He blogs about his thoughts and you can find it here: www.xanga.com/obujimmy. His post for today reflects his heart and I'm excited to see how God works that out in the lives of his students.

Well I better head to bed. I've bee quite spoiled by my 11am - 5pm work schedule. It's going to be quite an adjustment to transition to an 8am - 5pm job!

Peace,
Paul

The End of an Era

2006-01-16T20:56:00.000-08:00

Well an era officially comes to an end tomorrow. I have finally found the gainful employment I have been looking for. It wasn't what I hoped it would be, yet I am excited about what awaits me. Beginning tomorrow I will be the Network Administrator of the Oklahoma Personal Employees Retirement System. So far, each of the people I have met that are associated with the place are incredibly nice and seem genuinely excited to have me as a part of the team. Now that's something I'm not so used to.

Anyway, I've been thinking about what this means for me. In one sense it's the next step following life after "full-time" ministry. In another sense it's the chance for me to begin to put flesh on what I feel God has been teaching me all these months. I've been praying for the people I have yet to meet, asking God to give me the chance to share his love with them. Of course, I follow that up with an immediate prayer for the courage to share since I am very confident he will give me the chance.

For those few who read this, please remember to pray for me in the next few days. I am excited about moving on from where I have been and I am also excited about the challenge of re-entering into the computer industry. So much has changed since I was last there.

In addition to starting a new job I also start my last semester of undergraduate work tomorrow. I will be taking 15 hours, which will be quite a feet working 40 hours a week at the same time. I had considered stretching it out, but that would have been a major let down since I have been excitedly looking forward to this semester and being finished since I left the church. In light of that I decided to make this a suicide semester and just do whatever I had to do to get it all finished. So, in just a few short months I will have a B.S. of Religion from Liberty University!! Not exactly as excited about that as I once was when I started but I'm considering it a building block towards future schooling that awaits. Maybe I'll share some of that in the near future.

So tomorrow I will be praying for each of you, that you will be given opportunities to reflect the love, grace, and mercy of Christ wherever he has you. Pray the same for me.

Peace,
Paul

Things I've learned about life and myself in the past 5 months

2006-01-12T13:55:00.000-08:00

The last five months have been a time of transition for me. From full-time ministry to joblessness, from life-time church membership to wandering in the wind, it has been a time of growth and development. As I look to starting a new job and finishing my college work I think it is a good time to take stock and reflect on what I've learned:

**Hopefully I don't offend anybody. Have a little grace with me. Some of my lessons might still be tinged with a little bit of bitterness. Thanks.

While I feel "called to ministry" I am most definitely NOT called to be a minister as it is currently defined or employed by the church at large.
I have never in my life truly experienced "church" in the confines of the institutional entity called by the same name. I've experienced times of discipleship, accountability, encouragement, and sharing of the faith, but it has never come in the context of a church service or a scheduled church activity. That doesn't mean it can't come that way, but you've got to wonder how likely it is if someone who's been there every time the doors were opened for twenty nine years hasn't experienced it.
I'm a pretty smart individual. In fact, I think I may be too smart. Many times over the past five months I have wondered how much easier life would be if I was clueless about the failure of the Church to be what the Church is truly called to be. I wonder how much happier I would be in my Christian bubble with all my evangelical friends who thinks it's all about making our culture the "happy place" where my way is the right way and you just need to accept it.
Abundant life has absolutely nothing to do with material possessions.
Most people genuinely don't care. I mean, I understand that there is a pervasiveness of selfishness in our culture and even in the Church but I'm realizing that it runs far deeper than I imagined. I'm speaking of myself as much as anyone else. I've been gone from a church where I was on staff, part-time and full-time for something like 7 years. One or two people call or come by on a regular basis. This is what compels me to say that the Church is nowhere near what it was called to be. If it were then this would/could never be the case.
I want to help people. I want to be involved in the lives of people outside of my bubble. I want to be a light in a dark world. I am also realizing that this requires being IN a dark world. I want to be in it, impacting people's life as I attempt to live out the relationship I have with Jesus.
The call of Christ for us as disciples is so much greater than anything I have ever imagined. Lately I sit and wonder if I've got what it takes to be a disciple of Christ.

These are just a few of the lessons I've learned over the past 5 months as I've been in this transitional phase. I can't wait to see what awaits me on the other side.

The Continuing Saga...IMB, SBC, and the place of politics

2006-01-12T11:40:00.000-08:00

Well it's been quite awhile since I've written anything. I think a lot and I talk a lot but sometimes it's hard for me to articulate what I'm thinking into written words. Not to mention that I have ADD of the brain (sorry for the political incorrectness) and I have trouble staying on one topic long enough to say anything of value. Nevertheless I thought I would struggle through that so that I could get down in writing what I'm thinking in regards to the ongoing saga of the IMB Trustees. That way it could be recorded in posterity or whatever.

For starters, as is obvious from my previous post, I am opposed to the recent decisions of the IMB trustees. I think it is completely unnecessary to eliminate potential missionary candidates based on non-essentials such as the use of a private prayer language or based on unscriptural requirements such as the need for "properly administered" baptism. Additionally I think that they overstepped the authority they have been given and interfered with decisions that the Bible seems to give solely to the local church. Unfortunately the controversy over these issues is now being lost in the fray of church politics at its worst.

Wade Burleson, a fellow Oklahoman and IMB trustee, has been outspoken of his opposition to these new policies and it has gotten him in no small amount of trouble. He has been gracious in his criticism and humble in his approach towards other trustees with whom he disagrees. Nevertheless his character and integrity have been baselessly attacked. He has been accused in very general terms of slander and gossip and now the majority of trustees have asked that the SBC remove him as a trustee at their June meeting.

At this point I am at a loss. I think that the actions of the trustees are deplorable and inexcusable. What is sad is that it is only indicative of a larger problem. I may disagree with many of Wade's views about the past purging of liberals and moderates from the convention. I may think him to be way off base in some of his presuppositions, but I could certainly never make a disparaging remark against his character and I must wholeheartedly agree that there is a powerful element within the SBC that seeks to remove all that dissent from their interpretation of Scripture. The truly discouraging part is that I don't know that anything can be done about it. We gave them carte blanche and trusted them to retake control of the convention several decades ago and now they sit firmly entrenched, unwilling to allow for any dissent or even the presence of a minority opinion.

Some people expressed hoped that Wade will be exonerated at the convention, that the vote to remove him will be unsuccessful. Perhaps I sell many Baptists short but I must disagree. I think we listened to "crusading conservatives" say just do what we tell you, we're the good guys for so long that we now accept it without any question. First it was a fight against the nature of Scripture, now it is a fight against the interpretation of it. I think that many, if not most, messengers to the convention will just affirm whatever those in power tell them to affirm.

I guess what I am hoping for is that someone with the gravitas to cause people to listen will stand up and decry what is going on. Certainly there is no shortage of prophets in our midst, I just think most of them are on extended sabbatical or have come to enjoy the lifestyle that power brings. I hope that's not the case but I fear it is. Maybe someone like Jimmy Draper or Morris Chapman will stand up and tell the trustees that they've gone too far. Is that too much to ask for?

I suppose that the dilemma for me is what to do in light of this. I have been a Southern Baptist my whole life and I think there's a reason for that. My heart is broken for what is becoming on our convention and part of me wants to just throw in the towel and walk away. Unfortunately I have this problem of being fiercely loyal and I have a hard time giving up. I guess for now I'll just wait and watch and pray. Maybe this is the downward part of the cycle of cleansing and renewal that God desires to do in us. Or maybe it's just church politics at its worst.

Kill the Beast

2005-11-29T18:51:00.000-08:00

There has been quite a bit of press in the last few weeks over a recent decision of the IMB. For those that don't know IMB is short for International Mission Board. It is the overseas missions arm of the Southern Baptist Convention, of which I am a card-carrying member. I believe that the good people of the IMB are accomplishing many great things for the glory of God, however I don't think that means that they are without their faults. For some time I have been cautiously questioning their actions and I have seen no shortage of hyprocrisy.

Two fundamental aspects of Southern Baptist philosophy and practice are the priesthood of the believer and the autonomy of the local church. In other words, each person is responsible for their relationship with God. They don't require a priest or any other intermediary. They can go to God themselves, and presumably in their own unscripted way. Additionally each church is responsible for determining their method of ministry and even their teaching. More and more it appears to me that the IMB is sidestepping those centuries old foundational beliefs.

The recent flurry of press came when IMB trustees voted to disqualify any missionary candidate who practiced speaking in tongues in any form, including a PRIVATE prayer language. They also voted to disqualify any person who didn't meet their strict guidelines for baptism. Those guidelines included post-conversion baptism in a church that believes in baptism as a symbol and no more and also ascribes to eternal security.

In each issue I think we see the IMB overstepping their bounds. First, in regards to the use of a prayer language, it seems that this is clearly a private matter between a believer and God. I don't and to this point have never had a private prayer language but I know several Godly people who have. This isn't an abuse of the tongues gift and seems to fall in line with Paul's discussion of tongues in 1 Corinthians. Note that the IMB isn't talking about disqualifying people based on their character or any questionable, immoral behavior. They are disqualifying people based on a personal issue. They argue that it is not normative of Southern Baptists to practice tongues in this form and for that reason it should not be practiced by our representatives on the mission field. Well, I hate to bring this up but "normative" for Southern Baptists could easily include spiritual apathy, an indifference towards lost people, a lack of financial commitment to the works of God, and so on. Are these the normative characteristics they want to use to judge their missionary candidates by? Candidates should be men and women of humility and character. Whether they use a private prayer language has no bearing on that.

The second issue, that of baptism, flies in the face of the autonomy of the local church. Each missionary candidate has ALREADY been examined and approved by their home church. Their character, commitment, and spiritual maturity have been attested to by those who know them best. They are active, participating members in their Southern Baptist churches and if they are deemed fit and their baptism is deemed in order by their home church then that should be all that matters.

All of this is compounded for me on top of the decision by the trustees several years ago to begin requiring missionaries to swear allegiance to the Baptist Faith and Message of 2000. Baptists have always been a non-creedal people. It goes back to those two foundational principles I mentioned earlier. Now we're making IMB personnel, who again have been approved and attested to by their home churches, sign what amounts to a creed. Their beliefs must rigidly adhere to the majority opinion in order to qualify.

Based on these things I can only conclude that the power has gone to their heads. I like what someone posted earlier on another site regarding the pendulum swinging too far after the conservative resurgence. Our leaders have built themselves a fine box and now they are doing everything in their power to defend it. Any disagreement or divergence from the accepted way or the "normative practice" of conservative Baptists is a threat and could signal the destruction of our way of life.

The IMB was begun as a way for Baptists to pool their resources in order to more effectively share the love of Christ with the world. To that end I think it is a worthy cause. However, what it has become is an entity that supersedes it's authority and keeps godly people from being able to fulfill their calling. That's when it's gone too far. I wonder if it's not time for local churches to re-assert their autonomy and stop feeding the beast.

Beware of Poison

2005-11-29T18:07:00.000-08:00

As I think I've mentioned here before I'm a sermon junky. I don't necessarily agree with everything that people say but I love to listen to them say it. As a result when I'm not listening to NPR or Sports Talk I'm usually listening to our local Christian talk station which will remain nameless (they're in the air for good). I just so happen to be listening today and had the distinct (dis)pleasure of hearing one of their (dis)service announcements. It was one of those thirty second blurbs where they boil down some immense truth in to some trite sound byte. Needless to say they didn't disappoint.

Fortunately I don't remember exactly who it was but this is how it went. They start off by appealing to the common sense of all parents. Surely you would never let you child knowingly have poison. Any good parent will protect their kids from this awful stuff that will kill them. But, as it turns out there is some poison out there that your kids are ingesting that you don't even know about. (I'm sure it's part of some evil, sinister left-wing plot). Anyway here are the poisons they claim your kids are ingesting:

Pluralism, which by their definition means "all roads lead to God." Apparently your kids are being taught by the bad men that others may find God without going the same way you did. Apparently you should teach your kids to be close-minded and arrogant in order to protect them from any unapproved sources of truth.
Diversity - Yeah apparently the fact that we're not all carbon copies of one another is a bad thing. Diversity is a dirty word. Defined by them it means that they are being taught to tolerate other people's different lifestyles, heavy on the homosexuality insinuation here. I guess that the appropriate response in light of this danger is to drill into your kid's head that if they don't look, think, or act like us it's because something is wrong with them. To ensure absolute protection from this evil you should probably arm your kids with stones to throw at those diverse, evil sinners (for further instructions see the Pentateuch).
Multiculturalism - I kid you not. Multiculturalism is a bad thing. And here's why. Apparently there is some movement out there trying to remove or discredit or diminish anything related to western culture and specifically to the Church in western culture. Yeah, I wish. Apparently even though we keep marching into countries, toppling governments, and setting up regimes in our Western-American image, we're losing the cultural battle. Suburban, white, middle-class culture is apparently on the decline. I'm sure it's because kids can't pray in school and abortion is legal. I guess the only possible defense is cultural imperialism.

It's a shame that this is what people do with the minds God gave them. Somebody actually took three complex, multi-layered issues and reduced them to this drivel. Not only did they oversimplify the incredibly complex, they mutilated the true definition of these three things in the process. Could we possibly sell people any more short? Is the average Christian talk radio listener so ignorant that they can't possibly handle a thorough and thoughtful examination of issues affecting our lives? Is the "battle" so fierce and so much in question that we have to keep raising up these straw men so that we can make ourselves look better? And don't we care about the people who get judged, alienated, and rejected in the process?

They say these things in the name of God, a God that by my observation values each one of these three characteristics.

Right Where I Need to Be

2005-11-17T13:02:00.000-08:00

I find myself in a really "interesting" place. It's certainly a unique position for me but not for many people in the world. I am currently without a job. Now, I have a "job" per se, but not really a full-time permanent job and while I have the potential to make money where I'm at, it certainly hasn't happened in the three months that I've been here. So, as you can imagine that creates a little bit of unrest in my heart. At the moment things are okay because we're able to pay our bills and eat, but that situation won't last forever and we've got to find a permanent solution.

For the past two years I have been asking God to open my eyes to the suffering of people, things that, as a white, middle-class American I know nothing about. In that time my heart has been broken by the genocide in Darfur, the AIDS pandemic in Africa, and the gross poverty that exists in our country and around the world. So many people suffer so needlessly. And while I can sympathize with them, I have never been able to empathize with them. Cerebrally I have accepted that many struggling people make less money than they need in order to live. I realize that they are confronted with choices about whether or not they will go to the doctor when they are sick, or whether they will turn the heat up or keep the lights on. I have recognized those things, but having never experienced them myself or the fear that they bring I can't say that I feel their pain.

And I just wonder if I'm where I'm at specifically because God wants me to feel their pain. I want to feel their pain. I want to be so broken by their circumstances that I look for ways in my own life to have less or sacrifice more so that I can help even just one person. I want their need to be a continual distraction to me enjoying my plenty. Now, my current situation isn't even remotely close to theirs. I have been abundantly blessed by God and even if I were to lose everything and my middle-class world came crashing down around me, I am surrounded by people who would ensure that I never missed a beat. And I have to wonder if that's a good thing.

It seems to be that one of the greatest causes for us missing God in America is that for the most part we don't need him. I've got a good job, a nice home, plenty of food. I've got insurance for when I get sick and retirement for when I can no longer work. I don't need God to come through for me because anything he can do for me I can do for myself. I want to be dependent on God. I want to need him every single day. I want to understand the pain of so many people who we judge and look down on because they need him to do the things they cannot do for themselves.

I think of Phil. 3:10 where Paul shares his desire not only to know Jesus in the power of his resurrection, but also in the sharing of his sufferings, and in conforming to his death. So, it's my prayer that rather than spend this season of my life anxious and agonizing over how to get out of it as quickly as possible I will, instead, seek to become more like Christ through it. Lord, let me share in your sufferings today.

Take the Land

2005-11-13T21:34:00.000-08:00

This morning my wife and I visited a church with some friends of ours. One of these friends had recently taken a church-planting course at one of our SBC seminaries. Following that class he met with some people from the BGCO (Baptist Mecca of Oklahoma) to find out about newer church plants in the OKC metro area. He was told of one in particular, the one we visited today. He was told that this place was "it" in regards to SBC church plants in OKC. Needless to say we went with relatively high expectations as we were interested to see what this "it" church plant would look like. I assumed that it would be a place striving to be relevant and reach lost people in their community. I expected something far different from what I had become accustomed to in 29 years of Baptist church membership. Unfortunately I was quite disappointed.

The pastor and associate pastor were both very nice people. They greeted us at the door and entered into conversation right away, answering my friend's church-plant questions with great enthusiasm. But while the pastor was very nice, his answers were quite disappointing. First, it seems that very little of their growth has come from lost people being reached. Instead the vast majority were life-long church people who had, as of late, been forced to drive an extra 15 minutes to find a suitable church because they had gone through some bad experience in their previous church. While I'm excited that these people have found a church in their community that they can be a part of, I was hoping that far more would have come from people experiencing new life in Christ.

Further, hearing the pastor talk I felt like we got the usual church as a "business model" that you typically get when asking about church growth. He talked about key influencers and those with money, etc. Church was spoken of in terms of a Sunday morning gathering. That was clearly the focus with little thought beyond that to real ministry in the community. The service itself was fine for the most part. They had a children's special which was cool, just because it involves children and I think that's great, especially on Sunday mornings which are usually reserved for the "slick" presentation which kids struggle to pull off. There's a realness about it. Anyway, they also had a 13 year old kid who led one worship song. He was great. He had this Taylor guitar that was as big as he was. Apart from that it was absolutely your typical Baptist service (meaning there were hymns, a choir, and an offertory special).

Anyway, all these events led to sadness for me. As someone who imagines a new kind of church being birthed it's sad to see that those on the frontier (as frontier as OKC can be in regards to church plants) are often just re-creating what I consider to be a broken-down, insufficient replica of what we already have way too much of.

My greatest pain though came from the fact that this particular church is on the cusp of a building campaign. They are three years old, run about 225, and are about to build their first building. Right now they meet at an old Food Lion that serves as several other things throughout the week. Now, I'm not necessarily against building campaigns but the way that people approach them often makes me vomit. This one was a typical Baptist building fund. The pastor preached a marathon run through Joshua, of course equating it with the building they were about to build. He alluded to similarities with the children of Israel as they stood on the edge of the Promised Land. They were going to receive the promise, conquering any who stood in their path, just as the Israelites had done. The even called it "Taking the Land!" THAT is the part that frustrates me. Comparing your million dollar building to their entering into the Promise Land? This particular group of people had waited more than 600 years to see that day come. They had endured 400 years in slavery and another 40 wandering in the wilderness. Up to that point none of them had every truly known what home was. How in the world does that compare to a 3 year old church who has a pretty nice place already? It doesn't at all! So why compare yourself to that?

I think its Bible abuse in the worst way. You've got to pump the people up so you might as well use the Bible. It comes from the notion that no truth can be found outside the Bible, a popular Baptist opinion. If it's true it's gotta be in Scripture. The answer for every situation in life is founded somewhere within it's pages. In light of that anything you do has to be justified through some random verse or some totally unrelatable Bible story. You bend and manipulate and warp Scripture to justify what you're doing and to get people "fired up."

Please just say, "We want to build a building." Say, "We spend hours each week setting up and tearing down and we want to take that time to spend out in the community serving others instead." Say that no self-respecting church would be caught dead in a Food Lion. Say whatever you want as long as it's true. Please please please don't abuse Scripture in this way just because it must be "justified."

Next week we'll be visiting another SBC church plant in the city. Apparently it's not nearly as "with it" as the one we were at today. That's a terrifying thought. I still dream of a new kind of church where we are truly the salt of the earth and the light of the world and I hope that is who we become. In total contrast to my experience today, check out this experience from a fellow blogger. Reading it was so encouraging.

Killing Time....

2005-11-11T14:33:00.000-08:00

Well...it's 4:36 on Friday afternoon. I'm sitting at work waiting for a customer to come by. I know that no ones coming by. I should consider myself lucky to have seen one person today. But...ethics and integrity bind me here until the clock strikes 5:00...and so I wait. As I wait I think I'll treat you to some random thoughts.

The weekend's coming. Usually that's a good thing but I work both Saturday and Sunday so nothing really to look forward to. And then there's the dreaded church search that will commence on Sunday morning. Will we end up somewhere? And if so, where will that place be? Only time will tell.

I've always wanted cool hair. My hair sucks. No one has EVER in my life ever come up to me and said, "Wow, nice hair." Just once I would like to hear that. I would know it's a bold-faced lie, but I'd like it anyway.

Have you ever noticed how nice people are hard to trust? I mean, there's this underlying notion that everyone's in it for themselves and with not-nice people you get what you'd expect. They may put on a smile for you but in their eyes you can tell that they're sharpening the knives with which to stab you in the back. With nice people you're always waiting for the catch. You're waiting for them to pounce on you like a crouching lion and yet they never do. Could it be that there really are selfless, servant-hearted people out there?

So...I'm filling out job applications lately. My question is, on the section where I'm supposed to list my valuable qualities can I put cynicism? I mean seriously, it's a gift. You either have it or you don't, and I definitely have it. And let me just say that it does wonders for office dynamics. Cynicism is an underrated commodity in our crazy world.

Okay, well I've stalled enough for now. On a happier note, I'm off to Ken's Steakhouse in Amber where I'll be gorging myself and most likely committing the sin of gluttony. But at least I'll feel bad while I do it. And don't forget, it's Veteran's Day so if you see a veteran make sure you shake their hand. The price of freedom is much higher than many of us will ever realize. So despite your feelings on the current fiasco in Iraq make sure you give some props to the guys (and girls) on the wall.

Full Disclosure

2005-11-09T09:43:00.000-08:00

I recently came across this particular blog entry by Michael Spencer. It is one of the most soul-bearing exercises that I have ever seen and I'm so thankful that he shared it despite it's personal nature. I actually found it at by going through this post by seratoninrain who got it from this post by Randy McRoberts. The original post might possibly end up being one of the most linked posts in history and here's why, so many people can connect with it. It's like it carries along a train of broken-down, disenchanted ministers, those battered and beaten by years of false expectations and bitter disappointments. I encourage you to read each post linked above for perspective and then read the following post...

It's time for a radical transformation in the way we view ministers. For anyone out there who's struggling and feels the need to throw on a happy face in the midst of so much discouragement I say - It's not supposed to be this way!!!! I'll be the first to tell you that following Jesus isn't meant to be easy, or a light-hearted endeavor, or a profitable venture by the standards of the world, but I will tell you that I believe it's supposed to be accompanied by an overarching assurance that you are exactly where you're supposed to be and that you're doing exactly what God desires you to be doing.

That assurance is rare these days. I don't believe it's because today's ministers are fake or phony, hiding a mountainous life of sin behind a plastic smile. Don't get me wrong, that is most definitely happening but it's not the source of the problem. It's more of an effect. It's the effect of ministers being held up to a standard that no one should be held up to. The source of the problem is that we have so warped the expectations and job description of a minister that they are forced to shoulder a burden they were never meant to carry. This is what we expect of our ministers:

-They must be perfect. Verbally we would never say this but we certainly expect it. In a world where just about anybody has a license to fail, implode, self-distruct, be all over the board, be manic, be wishy-washy, be non-committal, we expect our ministers to be perfect. We expect them to be a source of stability and sanity even though everyone else gets to check their brains at the door. So pastor, you better never have a bad day. You better never have a doubt. You better never have a discouraging moment. If they're going to expect this of us then they darn sure better foot the bill for plastic surgery so we can be sure and have that stupid smile plastered to our faces.

-They must have unlimited time for "ministry." Somewhere along the way there was this notion developed that pastors don't really have a "job" per se. Since all they have to do is pray and read the Bible they should have plenty of time for the other 6000 peripheral things that get dumped in their laps. For me, as a youth pastor, I needed to be at the extra-curricular event of every student at one point or another. I needed to attend 8 graduations, 3 on the same night. We need to have time to sit at the hospital, visit all the people who haven't made it to church in the past two weeks, write letters, set the course and vision of our ministry, plan events, and still have time to do all that "preacher stuff" like pray and study the Bible, or heaven forbid just sit and ponder the savior!! Let me just debunk that for the load of crap that it is. Can I just say that as a recent ministry drop-out I have more "free" time then I've ever had in my life. So much so that I've been working as much as 48 hours in a week, taking 15 hours of college classes, and still having more time to watch a random TV show or read a blog than I ever imagined while locked in the bondage of full time ministry.

-They must be CEO's in addition to being pastors. This one is fueled by pastors as much as it is by the flocks they tend. The idea of a minister as a humble servant has been replaced by the Fortune 500 pastor. We've got to have marketing skills, communicating skills, administrative skills, fund-raising skills, humor, good looks, and the like. Pastors have either ignorantly or unwittingly set themselves up as the be-all, end-all of the church. Someone once said to me that a successful minister is one who works themselves out of a job. Now, that might be overly simplistic and full of flaws but its still a beautiful picture of humbly raising up disciples. However, it certainly doesn't describe our cultural thinking. Our pastor is our indispensable guru. He is the single-most important person in our church, the point-man for every action, every good idea, every task in need of a leader. Our priorities are out of whack as well as our measuring stick.

I can't tell you how many times I've sat in my own home church and heard them talk about things are going good and we are very healthy. What is the determining factor in that health? It's not the number of people coming to Christ because there have never been less. It's not the addition of people getting involved in ministry because that's a continual battle. It's not the people who are willingly forsaking things to follow Christ more fully, we've just come to expect they'll love their big homes and comfortable lifestyle more. We know things are good based on the bottom line - giving is up! We're healthy because there's plenty of money. Now how silly is that as a determination for health. From what I understand the pornography industry grows substantially every year on the bottom line - does that mean they're healthy? If we were honest how many people give what they give so that they can feel good about the materialistic choices that they make or because they get to put a gold star in the righteousness box? We talk about how our giving is a sign of God's blessing and anointing. Giving is up in the LDS church, are we going to say the same thing about them? Certainly not as Southern Baptists we wouldn't. And what's even more funny is that we never take the reciprocal of that notion. If giving is down we don't say it's God's cursing or a lack of God's anointing. We say its "spiritual warfare" or "a test of our faith." Our mentality is so messed up. It's funny, we're commanded to be in the world but not of it. I think that the church of today is of the world but not in it.

I could go on but I'll save it for a later time. My point is that ministers are hurting because they're not really fulfilling the roles that they've been called to. We've created this image in our minds of what a minister looks like and we measure ourselves and other pastors by it. I've been reading the Sermon on the Mount lately, really trying to see those things that Jesus would seek of his disciples. I've also been pondering the "fruits of the spirit" as well. How many ministers are chosen or dubbed successful because they meet the standards of those two lists? Not many. We measure them up based on the standards of successful business leaders or military figures or politicians.

How many times did I prove myself a hypocrite by standing on stage and compelling teenagers to do things that I wasn't doing in my own life? How many times did I put on a mask that said "Real Christianity looks like this?" How many times did I put on a fake smile and act like everything was okay when I was crumbling on the inside? I couldn't even begin to tell you because it's far more than I could count. I did it with students, I did it with parents, I did it with other staff members, I did it with friends. And why did I do it? Because, spoken or unspoken, it is what was expected of me. I think that in truth, ministers ought to be more open and honest than anyone else. Their wrestling with Christ ought to be a display that is seen by others as an testimony and an example. Now how foreign is that idea?

Our churches are hurting in part because our ministers are hurting. No word more aptly describes the church of our day than dysfunctional. I think maybe the best thing we could do for ourselves is to stop the preaching, stop the teaching, halt the pot-luck dinners and the Halloween carnivals, and just go get ourselves some counseling. If a family exhibited the signs of dysfunction that our churches do that is the first advice I would give. Why should this situation be any different?

Getting Back on the Horse

2005-11-07T15:05:00.000-08:00

I guess some wise person said somewhere back in the annals of time that the best thing you can you can do if you fall off a horse is to get right back on. It sounds like good advice - face your fears, refuse to be defeated, and all that stuff, but really I think the guy who said it was a moron, or more likely a Baptist preacher.

Anyway, here's what's going on in my life. Up until very recently I was a youth pastor at a local SBC church. Things were going well, life was good, but then I began to really try to critically evaluate the way I've always accepted that ministry is done and what we pass off to people as the gospel. The more I studied the more sure I became that most church-work is nothing more than an exercise in vanity and a drawn-out, glorified self-help seminar. I became particularly convicted by statistics that showed that students were graduating from high school and leaving the Church (universal) in staggering numbers, more than half and quickly approaching three-fourths. These students are leaving and they're not coming back. As I saw it, it didn't matter how great of a time kids had during their six years in our ministry or how great it was; if it wasn't impacting their lives for the long-haul then it didn't matter. We weren't really accomplishing our stated purpose. In light of that I set out to change the way we do youth ministry at my church. I'll be the first to tell you that I had no idea if those things would work but I thought that anything was worth a shot if it meant we could have a lasting impact on our students. Surely what we were doing and had been doing wasn't working. Well we changed some things, tried to become more others-focused instead of self-focused. We tried to move the focus from flashy services to small groups where real discipleship, prayer, and accountability could take place. It was all met with mixed reviews.

Anyway, while all this was going on I felt more and more isolated and alienated from the rest of the staff. Their vision for ministry was far different from the one that was shaping up inside of me. I don't think I'm right and they're wrong or vice-versa...it just seemed like we were going two different directions. In August it all came to an end. I lost/gave up my job and decided to end my membership there. It was my first turn at full-time ministry and the effects were devastating to say the least.

All of that to say my wife and I are currently "church-shopping." We've been visiting our local mega-church-mall - Lifechurch. Its fine there, the worship is nice and the teaching is sound, even if a little shallow. But we know we need something more than the 1 hour a week that's available there. We know we need people around to encourage us and hold us accountable. We know we need some sort of small group, the very thing that was always missing for us while we were too busy "ministering." But we're just having a hard time getting back on the horse. It's hard to get excited about finding a church and investing your energy and emotions there. Especially when you come from a place that you believed in so much and it crashed so hard.

So...anyone who takes the time to read this, if you wouldn't mind just dropping a prayer for us, that we would get connected and really begin to recover, I would really appreciate it.

We're living in a paradoxical world and I'm a paradoxical girl

2005-11-03T09:11:00.000-08:00

I think coming up with the titles for these blogs is the funnest part. You just never know what you're going to come up with. I'm in a reflective mood today and I'm taking stock of my life as it currently exists and I have to say that I feel like I am completely defined by paradox. My actions defy my beliefs, my actions contradict other actions, my words contradict my actions and so on and so forth. I guess you could possibly use the term "hypocritical" to describe my life. Let me give you just a few examples:

I'm completely turned off by the materialism of modern American Christians. It disgusts me that life revolves around the Benjamins. I think we're called to shun that attitude and I even contend that we should strive to live simple lifestyles, seeking to give as much of what we get as we can. That's certainly a noble idea. Contrast that however with my actions. I'm currently in search of a job. In my search for said job one criteria that I am using to determine my interest is the amount of money I will make. In fact in some regards thats a make or break criteria. The jobs that are most appealing are the ones that pay the best. Now how does that work with my grand ideals?
I am disgusted with the state of so many churches. Nothing is asked of people, no level of commitment or sacrifice is expected. We don't ask people to change, we don't compel them to become more like Christ. Church in our culture is the most worry-free, no strings attached institution in our country, or so it seems. How does that affect me? I'm currently without a "church home." So where am I visiting? Only the most user-friendly, easy-going, ask little of you church in this quadrant of the galaxy (okay it's not THAT severe, but it's definitely not a place where I find myself counting the cost).
I lay awake at night pondering what can change the church. I spend countless hours pondering the prayers, attitudes, and actions that will lead to a church more in the image of Christ. I think of the sermons to be preached, the action to be taken, the personal revival neceessary in the hearts of God's people. And yet I'm probably at one of the more apethic, complacent places I've ever been in my own walk with Christ.

I could go on, but I think you get the point. My life doesn't make a whole lot of sense right now. I want to be continually becoming more like Christ, and maybe I am in the grand scheme of things, but it doesn't really feel like it in the here and now. Anyway, welcome to my paradox.

It's Beginning to Look A lot Like...

2005-11-01T22:19:00.000-08:00

Well, hard as it is to believe, Christmas is just around the corner. I've got to confess that I'm an avid lover of Christmas music and I chomp at the bit all year long waiting until the appropriate time to be able to listen to it until I'm so sick of it that I can't stand to hear any more. For some people it's sacreligious to even consider playing it until the day after Thanksgiving. I call them the "Holiday Equality Patrol." They want to make sure that Thanksgiving gets it's due. That's all well and good but since there's no quality Turkey music I have determined that it's okay to start playing Christmas music the day after Halloween/Reformation Day. That, my friends, means that today is my lucky day. I've already begun filling my head with great Christmas music, from the old favorites to the newer tunes. It's a great time of year!

Ironically, I don't really enjoy the season. I went so far last year as to say that I "hate" the season. I'm thoroughly disgusted by what it has become in our culture. It's all about what I get and what I want. We hardly have any time for the Savior who we celebrate or seeking what it is that he wants. My wife came up with a great idea last year that really helped to change my perspective. I was a youth pastor and each year our youth group holds a Christmas Banquet. It's an excuse for our kids to dress up and come together for some fun. In general I'm not opposed to that. In fact, I think it's a pretty cool deal, however each year it seems the bar is raised on how you have to dress or the date you have to bring or the money you have to spend. It got so bad that we started calling it the "Church Prom." Anyway, like I said, my wife had the idea that we should play it down somewhat and instead of it just being a night about us we should use it as an opportunity to raise money for the One Life Revolution that exists to help AIDS orphans in Africa. I challenged our kids to take the money they would normally spend on dressing up and give it to this cause. I even challenged them to give up one or more of their gifts that they would normally get and have their parents give that money to the Revolution. I don't know how much we raised but it was somewhere around $1000, which was just incredible.

Somehow we want to translate that concept into a new pattern in our own lives. Rather than coming together and giving each other material possessions as gifts we want to just appreciate the gifts of family and friends that God has already given us. We are already so blessed. The last thing that most of us need is more stuff. What we need to do is be thankful for the stuff we've got and give out of the abundance of our blessings to those who have next to nothing. That's the Christmas spirit and it's my hope and prayer that the people of Christ will eventually live that out. I heard a Christian talk show host yesterday complaining about how non-Christians have distorted Christmas and it's true meaning. I think that is untrue and completely irrelevent. As I contend time and time again..."lost" people are going to live and act like "lost" people. Why do we expect them to do anything different? I think that it is Christians who have distorted Christmas and it's true meaning. We're the ones who are supposed to understand it's sacredness and it's holiness and we totally blow past all that for the pageants, presents, and gluttony. I'd like to say that it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, but I'm not really sure that I've ever truly seen what Christmas looks like.

Why?

2005-10-31T13:29:00.000-08:00

That's probably one of the more common questions in life but often the most elusive when it comes to finding an answer. Today I'm asking a "why" question which has an answer that I'm sure I could never understand, if ever God would even choose to answer it. I spent a good deal of time yesterday reading reports of Kyle Lake, the pastor of University Baptist Church in Waco, TX. From all accounts he was an incredible individual, dedicated to his calling and his people, remaining incredibly humble at the same time. Sunday, his life was lost in a freak accident in the midst of a service.

There are all kinds of questions that I could ask about that situation but the most pressing one in my mind right now is, "Why him and not me?" I'm impressed by the character of this man and the work that he was faithfully doing. The testimonies that have been shared in the past two days say so much about him. It seems unfair that God would choose to take him at this time and in this way. All the while I sit here feeling spent and used up, of little or no value to the kingdom. Coming off what could arguably be called failure in ministry it seems like God could have been more efficient or "business-savvy" by taking me instead. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in the mood to be a martyr at the moment and I don't really have a death wish. I just find myself left wondering why...Of course as a good SBC-er the answer is "It's God's will, he's got a plan." I'd spout off about how so many will come to Christ through his death, blah blah blah. And maybe that's the answer, but after so many similar situations, that answer just seems more inadequate all the time.

So, since no answer is forthcoming, let me simply say that Kyle Lake will be missed by those that he loved and served. My his life be a reminder to each of us that we have been called to live out the love of Christ and not simply speak it.

The Customary Introduction

2005-10-17T11:52:00.000-07:00

They say that the hardest part is knowing where to start and that's definitely the truth. I'm late in joining the blogging bandwagon but hopefully people won't hold that against me. I'm not very good at sharing my feelings or thoughts, actually I suck at it, but I'm hoping that this can be an outlet for me to share the crazy things that go on inside my head. At least this way I won't be able to see the strange looks you're giving me.

By way of introduction I'm a 28 year old currently semi-employed, former youth pastor. I loved full-time ministry but then I hated it too. I love being out of full-time ministry but then I hate it too. I'm sure that you can relate to that if you've been there. Who knows what the future holds.

I'm keeping this brief because I haven't earned the right to be long-winded and verbose at this point. I look forward to sharing my thoughts and the crazy random happenings of my life. So...check back here often to see what mess I've managed to get myself into.