Things I've learned about life and myself in the past 5 months

The last five months have been a time of transition for me. From full-time ministry to joblessness, from life-time church membership to wandering in the wind, it has been a time of growth and development. As I look to starting a new job and finishing my college work I think it is a good time to take stock and reflect on what I've learned:

**Hopefully I don't offend anybody. Have a little grace with me. Some of my lessons might still be tinged with a little bit of bitterness. Thanks.

• While I feel "called to ministry" I am most definitely NOT called to be a minister as it is currently defined or employed by the church at large.
  
• I have never in my life truly experienced "church" in the confines of the institutional entity called by the same name. I've experienced times of discipleship, accountability, encouragement, and sharing of the faith, but it has never come in the context of a church service or a scheduled church activity. That doesn't mean it can't come that way, but you've got to wonder how likely it is if someone who's been there every time the doors were opened for twenty nine years hasn't experienced it.
  
• I'm a pretty smart individual. In fact, I think I may be too smart. Many times over the past five months I have wondered how much easier life would be if I was clueless about the failure of the Church to be what the Church is truly called to be. I wonder how much happier I would be in my Christian bubble with all my evangelical friends who thinks it's all about making our culture the "happy place" where my way is the right way and you just need to accept it.
  
• Abundant life has absolutely nothing to do with material possessions.
  
• Most people genuinely don't care. I mean, I understand that there is a pervasiveness of selfishness in our culture and even in the Church but I'm realizing that it runs far deeper than I imagined. I'm speaking of myself as much as anyone else. I've been gone from a church where I was on staff, part-time and full-time for something like 7 years. One or two people call or come by on a regular basis. This is what compels me to say that the Church is nowhere near what it was called to be. If it were then this would/could never be the case.
  
• I want to help people. I want to be involved in the lives of people outside of my bubble. I want to be a light in a dark world. I am also realizing that this requires being IN a dark world. I want to be in it, impacting people's life as I attempt to live out the relationship I have with Jesus.
• The call of Christ for us as disciples is so much greater than anything I have ever imagined. Lately I sit and wonder if I've got what it takes to be a disciple of Christ.

These are just a few of the lessons I've learned over the past 5 months as I've been in this transitional phase. I can't wait to see what awaits me on the other side.