Right Where I Need to Be

I find myself in a really "interesting" place. It's certainly a unique position for me but not for many people in the world. I am currently without a job. Now, I have a "job" per se, but not really a full-time permanent job and while I have the potential to make money where I'm at, it certainly hasn't happened in the three months that I've been here. So, as you can imagine that creates a little bit of unrest in my heart. At the moment things are okay because we're able to pay our bills and eat, but that situation won't last forever and we've got to find a permanent solution.

For the past two years I have been asking God to open my eyes to the suffering of people, things that, as a white, middle-class American I know nothing about. In that time my heart has been broken by the genocide in Darfur, the AIDS pandemic in Africa, and the gross poverty that exists in our country and around the world. So many people suffer so needlessly. And while I can sympathize with them, I have never been able to empathize with them. Cerebrally I have accepted that many struggling people make less money than they need in order to live. I realize that they are confronted with choices about whether or not they will go to the doctor when they are sick, or whether they will turn the heat up or keep the lights on. I have recognized those things, but having never experienced them myself or the fear that they bring I can't say that I feel their pain.

And I just wonder if I'm where I'm at specifically because God wants me to feel their pain. I want to feel their pain. I want to be so broken by their circumstances that I look for ways in my own life to have less or sacrifice more so that I can help even just one person. I want their need to be a continual distraction to me enjoying my plenty. Now, my current situation isn't even remotely close to theirs. I have been abundantly blessed by God and even if I were to lose everything and my middle-class world came crashing down around me, I am surrounded by people who would ensure that I never missed a beat. And I have to wonder if that's a good thing.

It seems to be that one of the greatest causes for us missing God in America is that for the most part we don't need him. I've got a good job, a nice home, plenty of food. I've got insurance for when I get sick and retirement for when I can no longer work. I don't need God to come through for me because anything he can do for me I can do for myself. I want to be dependent on God. I want to need him every single day. I want to understand the pain of so many people who we judge and look down on because they need him to do the things they cannot do for themselves.

I think of Phil. 3:10 where Paul shares his desire not only to know Jesus in the power of his resurrection, but also in the sharing of his sufferings, and in conforming to his death. So, it's my prayer that rather than spend this season of my life anxious and agonizing over how to get out of it as quickly as possible I will, instead, seek to become more like Christ through it. Lord, let me share in your sufferings today.