Bathroom Thoughts

They recently added a new scent to the bathroom at work. As soon as you hit the door you are overcome by this fruity, cherry smell. It's a little disconcerting, to say the least. I mean, a bathroom should certainly not smell so bad that you don't want to go in there but in the same way it shouldn't smell so good that you do want to go in there. It's just too great a temptation, especially around lunch time. Now how weird is that?

Speaking of the bathroom, I had one of those great moments in bathroom history last week. By great I mean awkward of course. I had been in the bathroom and was at the stage where I was going to wash my hands. As I was making my way to the sink one of our fine higher-ups came in the door and went to go do his, um, business. Anyway, he starts talking to me. Now, I'm not into that sort of thing but I can be at least a little tolerant. Quick and witty banter is acceptable. Just don't hinder me from my escape out the door. Unfortunately, on this particular day quick and witty banter just wasn't enough. This person was having some computer issues and since I'm the tech guy he was recounting his trials and travails to me.

Now, a couple of things make this really awkward. Number one, we're not alone. There is another person in the bathroom who hears everything we say. Talk about stress! I don't want to be branded as a bathroom conversationalist. I don't want to be that guy! I've cultivated my private bathroom persona through years of avoiding eye-contact and giving mono-syllabic answers resembling grunts! Now, in a matter of minutes he's wiping all that out!

Number two, I'm done with my bathroom usage. At this point I've washed my hands. I'm just standing there while he's using the bathroom. And of course, it's taking him about 10 minutes to get out what he's trying to say. All the while I just stand there wondering what the heck I'm supposed to do! How stupid do I look!?!? And then, fate of all fates, somebody else walks in! Now I really look like a nut job. I'm not just a bathroom conversationalist, now I'm a bathroom stalker or something. I hunt people down in the restrooms for power meetings and tech support calls. I've taken multi-tasking to a whole new level.

Anyway, I did as much damage control as I could, staring at the wall, being my helpful and cheery self but making sure I looked completely uncomfortable in the process that way anyone who saw me would know I was a captive audience and a miserable one at that. I think there was even a tear and some drops of blood pouring from my brow for theatrical effect. Fortunately he eventually finished right before I was about to fake a heart attack so I was spared further embarrassment.

Anyway, somebody needs to inform people of the rules of bathroom etiquette. Maybe there should be a list posted in front of the urinals. Something in really big letters that says, FOR GOODNESS SAKES, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!

Okay, I've said all I need to say.