Paulicus Maximus

Welcome to my blog - land of the free and home of the brave!!
I'm definitely on a journey right now. For the better part of my life I thought I had it all figured out. I was walking along, enjoying life. Then about two years ago everything started to fall apart and now I have no idea where I'm headed or how to get there. I realize more each day just how little I really have figured out.

Monday, January 23, 2006

A Sad Day

Well...it's official. I should have known it was coming after my post from last night. NBC announced today that they are cancelling The West Wing. It will officially come to an end on May 14th, following a one-hour retrospective. Adding insult to injury, it was also announced that series creator Aaron Sorkin and original director Thomas Schlamme would not be involved in the series finale. I guess maybe I'll have to start caring about real-live politics now.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

The End of the Spear - My Take

On Saturday afternoon my wife and I went to see the movie "The End of the Spear." For those living under rocks this movie has created quite a controversy in the "Christian" realm because an openly homosexual actor was chosen to play the lead role. Many were talking about boycotting it because of this fact and because they felt that the presentation of the gospel was weak. I think it was just another example of Christians trying desperately to defend their bubble existence but what do I know. Anyway, I thought I would give you my take on the movie, for what it's worth.

Now, my wife and I don't usually go to movies. It's not because we're rigid fundies who think that the devil owns Hollywood. It's because they charge you the equivalent of a mortgage payment to get in and then require you to sell a kidney just to get a Coke and some popcorn, but I digress. We didn't go see this movie because we thought it would be one of excellent quality. We really went in with pretty low expectations. We primarily went to support Mart Green, one of the producers of the movie. I've had the privilege to meet him and I know enough about him to know that he is a man of integrity who has a burden for something, and to be quite honest, is willing to put his money where his mouth is.

As we watched the movie we were definitely moved by the story presented. Most of you will know about the 5 missionaries who gave their lives trying to reach a group of seemingly unreachable people. No, we were not impressed by the script or the super-incredible acting, but we were touched to see such an overwhelming display of the power of the love of God.

So, my review of the move is this. The message overpowered the sexual views of one man. I don't remember ever thinking, "Gosh, this would really be moving if it weren't for that gay actor." So you boycotting Christians can put your signs down and quit looking so foolish. Second, I question the understanding of those who didn't think that the gospel was presented. The gospel was the driving force and in my opinion it empowered an otherwise lifeless movie. Two moments in the film particularly caught my attention and I think they sum up the heart of the movie.

Semi-spoiler alert (for those few that don't already know the story)....


First, on finally finding the elusive Waodani, Steve Saint was talking about his reluctance to tell his sister about it because she would tell her superiors who would ultimately slow down the process of going in. It would take two years or more before they would be able to accomplish anything. Nate Saint simply said, "The Waodani don't have two years." I just thought that was a powerful movement. They were willing to risk their lives for these people they had never met. That line summed it up.

The second instance, and maybe even more powerful was after the missionaries had been killed. Nate Saints wife had gone into the village of the men who had killed her husband and she had taken her children. All the men had left the village and only the women remained. They found themselves surrounded by warriors for another tribe and feared for their lives. As the warriors were shouting at them in the darkness little Steve Saint asked his mom if they were going to run away. She simply said, "No." Now THAT was powerful. These people were worth their lives if that what it took. I was moved.

So, I encourage you to go see the movie. Don't go looking for the quality of Crash or some other such movie. Instead go looking for Gospel of Christ in actions, not merely words.

Bartlet for America!

Those that know me best know that from the middle of Season 1 I have been a huge, huge, huge fan of The West Wing. For a long time it was the most brilliant show on television, mixing a great ensemble cast with an unmatched script week after week. (Clearly you can see my unwavering devotion to the show.) It recent years this show has struggled. When you start so high there's usually nowhere to go but downhill. Nevertheless, there are still moments of greatness and one of those moments occurred last week.

It is unusual for The West Wing to take stories from our headlines and re-create them in exactness in the make-believe presidency of Josiah Bartlett but they chose the right time to do it in my opinion. I was floored last week as I watched them speak about the massacre that has been taking place in Darfur for too long. They were confronted by some who were outraged and ashamed by their fictious government's lack of concern or involvement for what was clearly a genocide. For Chief of Staff CJ Craigg, enough was enough. She was moved to maneuver ambassadors and heads of state to take firm action to stop the violence. She did this on her own initiative and when necessary swayed the president to her cause.

Now, I'm smart enough to know that problems in the real world aren't solved in 42 minutes and it takes a lot more than leaning on some foreign ambassadors to get things done. But I'm also smart enough to know that they weren't exaggerating when they spoke of the government of Sudan being involved, when they talked about the moms who carried their babies when they were dead because they didn't know what else to do, and when they strongly insinuated that economics trumped morality when it came to getting off our butts and doing something.

All I can say is that I have never been more ready to elect a liberal, northeastern Democrat to the White House in my whole life. I wish the current real-life, Republican administration could take some initiative and put into action some of that morality they claimed to have cornered the market on.

For those that don't know: www.savedarfur.org

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Life Update...or Ways that My New Job is the Exact Opposite of My Old Job

Well I've now successfully completed two days as a Network Administrator. I must say that it has been a suprisingly good first few days. I've jumped right into some tasks that my boss had waiting for me and the good news is that I've only caused two major servers to need reinstallation. That's a good sign right? Well anyway, I thought I would list off some ways that I've noticed this job is different than the church job I previously had:
  • #1 - People genuinely seem to care. I've had at least a dozen people come by simply to introduce themselves and check to see how my first few days are going. They are encouraging and seem to really want an answer when they ask how I am doing. Contrast that with the usual church talk, "How are you?" "Great, and you?" "Great too!" shallowness and you can see why I'm optimistic.
  • #2 - I have a general idea about what I'm doing. I may have been out of the computer industry for three years but even though the technology has changed the foundation remains the same. It's all built on logical, knowable facts. Contrast that with my previous job where every day was a crap-shoot and everyday I was less sure about my foundation than I was the day before. Add to that the fact that every day it seemed like my foundation moved farther and farther from the foundations of those I was "partnering with" in ministry.
  • #3 - My boss checks on me. He seems to trust me to do my job but he's involved and has even been proactive in helping me learn things that I don't yet know. It's like a real mentoring relationship. Contrast that with the last job when I could go days without seeing my boss, and never in three years had a clue what his vision was or what he expected of me, much less that he ever invested any time in me at all.
  • #4 - Mistakes are okay. It's good to fail because failure ultimately leads to success. We're not going to get it right the first, second, third, or even fourth time but we're not going to give up and eventually we'll get there. If we try something and it doesn't work, its not the end of the world, just another step in the process of learning and growing and becoming all that we want to be. Contrast that with the last place where words like "competition" and "momentum" were thrown around and the idea was to "succeed" in the immediate, with no regard for the important. 200 teenagers to fill a new building today is worth more than 20 teenagers who become true disciples of Jesus.
  • #5 - Everybody is essential. There aren't a slew of people to do a few things. Everybody helps each other out and together we get the job done. Contrast that with the last place where every new problem or great idea required the addition of a new staff member. It's a sad thing when the ever-criticized state is a better steward of resources than the church.
So as you can see, this job has already been a breath of fresh air. I can't say enough how great the people are or how excited I am to get to know them better. It is a change for me to do the whole 8-5 thing and to leave the job @ work instead of bringing it home and letting it consume my thoughts but I think I can get used to it. The only drawback I've found so far is the traffic. When I took the church job I moved into the area where the church was located and lived about 1 mile away. It took all of two minutes to get to work and I could come and go all day long. Now I have a journey to and from work each day, with snarling traffic to contend with, especially in the afternoon.

So that's the update on my life. What's going on in yours?

Peace,
Paul

Monday, January 16, 2006

On this Martin Luther King Jr. Holiday

One more post before I call it quits for the day. I just wanted to take a minute to celebrate all that this holiday stands for. In my part of the country it has only been recently that schools and other institutions recognize this day but that's not surprising since we live in a very southerly direction. My hope is that today gave everyone at least some small pause to realize that there is injustice in the world and our calling is not one of passivity but rather of activity. We honor a man who saw injustice and refused to sit by and allow it to happen. And today is not just about Martin Luther King Jr. but about all those in the past who have stood against institutions and people of power on behalf of the oppressed and needy. So in that spirit, happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day!

On a similar note, my brother-in-law began a new phase in his life last week. He and his wife accepted a position as youth pastor in a small northwestern Oklahoma town. This is a major life-change for both of them and yet a great opportunity to live out all that God has been teaching them in a new and probably unexpected environment. He blogs about his thoughts and you can find it here: www.xanga.com/obujimmy. His post for today reflects his heart and I'm excited to see how God works that out in the lives of his students.

Well I better head to bed. I've bee quite spoiled by my 11am - 5pm work schedule. It's going to be quite an adjustment to transition to an 8am - 5pm job!

Peace,
Paul

The End of an Era

Well an era officially comes to an end tomorrow. I have finally found the gainful employment I have been looking for. It wasn't what I hoped it would be, yet I am excited about what awaits me. Beginning tomorrow I will be the Network Administrator of the Oklahoma Personal Employees Retirement System. So far, each of the people I have met that are associated with the place are incredibly nice and seem genuinely excited to have me as a part of the team. Now that's something I'm not so used to.

Anyway, I've been thinking about what this means for me. In one sense it's the next step following life after "full-time" ministry. In another sense it's the chance for me to begin to put flesh on what I feel God has been teaching me all these months. I've been praying for the people I have yet to meet, asking God to give me the chance to share his love with them. Of course, I follow that up with an immediate prayer for the courage to share since I am very confident he will give me the chance.

For those few who read this, please remember to pray for me in the next few days. I am excited about moving on from where I have been and I am also excited about the challenge of re-entering into the computer industry. So much has changed since I was last there.

In addition to starting a new job I also start my last semester of undergraduate work tomorrow. I will be taking 15 hours, which will be quite a feet working 40 hours a week at the same time. I had considered stretching it out, but that would have been a major let down since I have been excitedly looking forward to this semester and being finished since I left the church. In light of that I decided to make this a suicide semester and just do whatever I had to do to get it all finished. So, in just a few short months I will have a B.S. of Religion from Liberty University!! Not exactly as excited about that as I once was when I started but I'm considering it a building block towards future schooling that awaits. Maybe I'll share some of that in the near future.

So tomorrow I will be praying for each of you, that you will be given opportunities to reflect the love, grace, and mercy of Christ wherever he has you. Pray the same for me.

Peace,
Paul

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Things I've learned about life and myself in the past 5 months

The last five months have been a time of transition for me. From full-time ministry to joblessness, from life-time church membership to wandering in the wind, it has been a time of growth and development. As I look to starting a new job and finishing my college work I think it is a good time to take stock and reflect on what I've learned:

**Hopefully I don't offend anybody. Have a little grace with me. Some of my lessons might still be tinged with a little bit of bitterness. Thanks.
  • While I feel "called to ministry" I am most definitely NOT called to be a minister as it is currently defined or employed by the church at large.
  • I have never in my life truly experienced "church" in the confines of the institutional entity called by the same name. I've experienced times of discipleship, accountability, encouragement, and sharing of the faith, but it has never come in the context of a church service or a scheduled church activity. That doesn't mean it can't come that way, but you've got to wonder how likely it is if someone who's been there every time the doors were opened for twenty nine years hasn't experienced it.
  • I'm a pretty smart individual. In fact, I think I may be too smart. Many times over the past five months I have wondered how much easier life would be if I was clueless about the failure of the Church to be what the Church is truly called to be. I wonder how much happier I would be in my Christian bubble with all my evangelical friends who thinks it's all about making our culture the "happy place" where my way is the right way and you just need to accept it.
  • Abundant life has absolutely nothing to do with material possessions.
  • Most people genuinely don't care. I mean, I understand that there is a pervasiveness of selfishness in our culture and even in the Church but I'm realizing that it runs far deeper than I imagined. I'm speaking of myself as much as anyone else. I've been gone from a church where I was on staff, part-time and full-time for something like 7 years. One or two people call or come by on a regular basis. This is what compels me to say that the Church is nowhere near what it was called to be. If it were then this would/could never be the case.
  • I want to help people. I want to be involved in the lives of people outside of my bubble. I want to be a light in a dark world. I am also realizing that this requires being IN a dark world. I want to be in it, impacting people's life as I attempt to live out the relationship I have with Jesus.
  • The call of Christ for us as disciples is so much greater than anything I have ever imagined. Lately I sit and wonder if I've got what it takes to be a disciple of Christ.
These are just a few of the lessons I've learned over the past 5 months as I've been in this transitional phase. I can't wait to see what awaits me on the other side.

The Continuing Saga...IMB, SBC, and the place of politics

Well it's been quite awhile since I've written anything. I think a lot and I talk a lot but sometimes it's hard for me to articulate what I'm thinking into written words. Not to mention that I have ADD of the brain (sorry for the political incorrectness) and I have trouble staying on one topic long enough to say anything of value. Nevertheless I thought I would struggle through that so that I could get down in writing what I'm thinking in regards to the ongoing saga of the IMB Trustees. That way it could be recorded in posterity or whatever.

For starters, as is obvious from my previous post, I am opposed to the recent decisions of the IMB trustees. I think it is completely unnecessary to eliminate potential missionary candidates based on non-essentials such as the use of a private prayer language or based on unscriptural requirements such as the need for "properly administered" baptism. Additionally I think that they overstepped the authority they have been given and interfered with decisions that the Bible seems to give solely to the local church. Unfortunately the controversy over these issues is now being lost in the fray of church politics at its worst.

Wade Burleson, a fellow Oklahoman and IMB trustee, has been outspoken of his opposition to these new policies and it has gotten him in no small amount of trouble. He has been gracious in his criticism and humble in his approach towards other trustees with whom he disagrees. Nevertheless his character and integrity have been baselessly attacked. He has been accused in very general terms of slander and gossip and now the majority of trustees have asked that the SBC remove him as a trustee at their June meeting.

At this point I am at a loss. I think that the actions of the trustees are deplorable and inexcusable. What is sad is that it is only indicative of a larger problem. I may disagree with many of Wade's views about the past purging of liberals and moderates from the convention. I may think him to be way off base in some of his presuppositions, but I could certainly never make a disparaging remark against his character and I must wholeheartedly agree that there is a powerful element within the SBC that seeks to remove all that dissent from their interpretation of Scripture. The truly discouraging part is that I don't know that anything can be done about it. We gave them carte blanche and trusted them to retake control of the convention several decades ago and now they sit firmly entrenched, unwilling to allow for any dissent or even the presence of a minority opinion.

Some people expressed hoped that Wade will be exonerated at the convention, that the vote to remove him will be unsuccessful. Perhaps I sell many Baptists short but I must disagree. I think we listened to "crusading conservatives" say just do what we tell you, we're the good guys for so long that we now accept it without any question. First it was a fight against the nature of Scripture, now it is a fight against the interpretation of it. I think that many, if not most, messengers to the convention will just affirm whatever those in power tell them to affirm.

I guess what I am hoping for is that someone with the gravitas to cause people to listen will stand up and decry what is going on. Certainly there is no shortage of prophets in our midst, I just think most of them are on extended sabbatical or have come to enjoy the lifestyle that power brings. I hope that's not the case but I fear it is. Maybe someone like Jimmy Draper or Morris Chapman will stand up and tell the trustees that they've gone too far. Is that too much to ask for?

I suppose that the dilemma for me is what to do in light of this. I have been a Southern Baptist my whole life and I think there's a reason for that. My heart is broken for what is becoming on our convention and part of me wants to just throw in the towel and walk away. Unfortunately I have this problem of being fiercely loyal and I have a hard time giving up. I guess for now I'll just wait and watch and pray. Maybe this is the downward part of the cycle of cleansing and renewal that God desires to do in us. Or maybe it's just church politics at its worst.